Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

I’ve come a loooong way since Sex & The City…

I loved this TV program, in my 20’s, early 30’s. Absolutely loved it, bought the whole series on DVD and I’ve watched them all so many times, I know many lines word for word.

I didn’t actually like it for the sex, I didn’t need to see that – but it sure did validate my lifestyle at that time. Women having sex all the time, whilst also being very intelligent and self sufficient, good jobs, always in their killer heels, stylish…but I could also see the vulnerable side to them all too.

To me, it represented something I needed to see – women who clearly were not close to their families, thinking of each other as their family. Their friendships were very close, had their issues, but they loved each other.

Seeing TV programs, about happy families, was difficult for me, and just continually re-enforced that my family did not love me. To me, Sex & The City – was a breath of fresh air, and allowed me to feel comfortable for who I was, at that time.

My favourite character was Carrie – not as sex obsessed as Samantha, Carrie wanted to find real love. Not as empathy-less as Miranda, and not as prudish as Charlotte.

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A lot of more dramatic opinions about psychopath predator paedophile child killer, than mine.

Due to all the media about Brett Peter Cowan, a lot of people – quite rightly – have a lot to say – the internet and social media are full of it.

I pray Daniel Morcombe’s death will lead to stronger child protection laws, I really do.

Hetty Johnston – Bravehearts – stated he should never have been allowed out of prison after the other violent attacks on children, Daniel died because the system failed and Cowan should rot in prison for the rest of his natural life. I agree.

Other views, range from apathetic – don’t care – the worst views.

Others are death penalty, cut his penis off with a rusty knife, deliberately let him get raped and killed by other prison inmates, kill him – why should we pay for him to be in prison, slow horrible torturous death, let dogs rip him apart the way he left Daniel to be ripped apart…..and so many more.

I don’t actually agree with any of these. Even at my most emotional – I don’t think these thoughts. I’ve never thought these things about any of my abusers.

I’m not saying people are bad to think these thoughts. Child rape, violence on children and child murder and people like Cowan are highly emotional subjects.

But, people think I am angry, I am unreasonable, I am irrational, I am clouded by my pst experiences of psychopaths and paedophiles.

I believe he should have not been let out of prison after the first violent attacks, I don’t believe sex offender programs work, I believe he needs to be in prison, ding some hard labour. But still have access to food, water, a bed.

I have and continue to display, greater rational thought, than many other people. I do not have nice thoughts about these people, I do not feel sorry for them. They made choices to do what they did and their acts were evil and their lack of empathy, lack of humanity, is evil.

But, I believe in grace – appropriate grace, not cheap grace – let him off with no consequences, when he has no remorse. I believe in appropriate consequences, for actions. He deserves prison for life, and did prior to Daniel’s murder.

This is all God requires form me – in relations to appropriate grace, mercy and compassion.

I don’t believe he should be killed. He needs the opportunity to seek Jesus, and I won’t deny him that – but that can and should be done from within prison.

I don’t believe he should be tortured and raped and murdered – I don’t believe in an ‘eye for an eye’. I don’t believe in repaying evil for evil. Continue reading

Steve Jobs a god? Bill Gates not. What’s the reason….?


Both equally passionate about technology. Both smart men.

Treats family/staff well?
Bill – yes.
Steve – no, he was abusive/narcissistic.

Nice guys?
Bill – always reported to be kind and nice.
Steve – classic narcissist, with no empathy, stealing ideas, treats people badly.

Bill – richest man in the world.
Steve – not as successful.

Bill – yes – donated over $30 billion to people in need, still richest man in the world.
Steve – not a single cent to charity.

Goals in life?
Bill – to be successful, help people in need and eradicate childhood smallpox.
Steve – be rich and worshipped like a god and increase materialistic greed.

Bill – Christian
Steve – not a Christian.

Kinda sums them both up really….

And yet, Steve Jobs – is the ‘generation me’ techno geek god.

We live in an increasingly narcissistic world, and the narcs, are becoming the gods.

Not good, at all.

Steve Jobs known to be a narcissist http://thenarcissistatwork.com/famous-narcissists/




I see this quote all the time, so I amended it…

I see this quote go round all the time – and I don’t like it. Grown adult women, do not need ‘crowns’. I am not a princess, or a queen and I don’t need to consider myself to be one, in any way. Yes, it’s just a harmless quote…

But, to me it isn’t. The whole ‘princess’ – ‘crown’ – thing, and princess parenting, is actually not healthy and yes little girls dress up as princesses, but now often adult women want to be and refer to themselves as ‘princesses’ too. It’s all part of the increasing narcissism, and is all about ‘I am more important to me, than everyone else’ – therefore, I am a princess. Many Christians believe in this too, sadly.

This combined with so many other egotistical, all about me, my needs are paramount, I am the most important, I am beautiful…..issues this unhealthy society is perpetuating and encouraging.

I choose to try to view all my hurt, pain and suffering, to help others – because I know how it feels to be completely alone, have no-one who cares and suffer. Continue reading

At a church, where is the cross? Where does the minister stand?

Something all Christians, Church’s and ministers should think about.
Many Church’s are not Jesus led. They are minister ego led.
This cult’s sermons I used to attend, was described by other Christians, as ‘watching a show’ and not being impressed by them, at all, no humility and very immature, in behaviours, very immature in spiritual understanding.
It’s all about the ministers, who want the church, kept in an immature ‘sheep’ like, controlled state – as sadly too many church’s are.

Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

An interesting observation, I have made – that speaks volumes.

While attending a cult, masquerading as a church, I had wondered a few times, why the wooden cross they have up on their ‘stage’ – was over to the side, on the right.

Their ‘pastors’ stood – centre, right in the middle, with the cross, to their side, their left.

Humility – none.

The ministers are the focus – not Jesus.

At the Church I now attend, the cross is absolute centre.

The minister and anyone else speaking, stand to the left, or the right of the cross.

Jesus is the focus, not the minister.

This cult will argue, that’s the way it was designed, and I will say yes – exactly – it was designed, to not be a church with Jesus/God as it’s focus, and instead, have ministers considered to have more importance.

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The Fear of Rejection/Abandonment of the Scapegoat Child.

For anyone who knows the deep pain of being a family scapegoat.

Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

Poem, I wrote, about my role within my highly dysfunctional abusive harmful family, where my role was scapegoat – for all blame, shame and failure, of my narcissist mother and sociopath step father, along with being the object for their ridicule, scorn and emotional punch bag.

Into her soul

The narcissist
Her child
Of all needs

She learns
Of rejection
So young

She is
By gods and monsters
Her family
Black hearts
Black souls
Their need
To hurt her

She knows
Nothing else
But feels
It’s wrong
Too scared
To speak
And face
The sting and pain
The fear and depression
Of rejection

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It costs TOO MUCH MONEY to keep violent psychopaths in prison.


The psychologist that ‘treated’ Cowan, has admitted – there are no guarantees, and he believes early intervention will be more effective. This is because there is…


I have already read, that sex offender programs were brought in, because it’s too expensive to jail all the known violent sex offenders that the system KNOWS will re-offend.

These sex offender programs, rarely work, only impact a very small % of re-offending and THIS IS NOT GOOD ENOUGH.

The laws need changing, to ensure these people get kept in supervised facilities, not let out within the general public.

With easy access to the internet and all the porn available – the appetite of paedophiles and violent rapists is increasing. This is one of the main reasons violent sexual offences are increasing. Continue reading