Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

To be a whole person, you need an equal part of EQ.


IQ, is great and we need really smart people in the world, but we do not need more people with greater IQ, than EQ.

IQ might make you smart, might make you successful, but it does not mean it makes you a nice person.

EQ, is what makes you a nice person.

Without EQ, people with high IQ – are often just smart people, with feel superior, who are often entitled, mean, and spiteful and will do whatever it takes, to achieve what they want and couldn’t care less about others.


I am really sick of Church’s going on about wanting more money.


Anyone, with any sense, knows all the denominations have lots of money, the Royal Commission has proven that, e.g. the Anglican Church where I live, having other accounts with $millions, in them.

So why are they continually trying to fleece more money out of people, even in poorer areas?

Where I live, people are not wealthy, they are working class, mostly older people, and it is not an areas where most people will have money to spare. A lot of people are struggling to pay the bills, especially the older people.

Yet, money is now a huge issue in the church, I have been attending. Which disappoints me. Go and ask some of the church’s within the denomination, that are in rich areas, to donate some of their much bigger offerings. Quit shaming people into giving more, when they can barely afford their bills.

I’m also pretty sick of hearing we don’t give enough, we need to prioritise church giving over giving to the poor. Bullshit – those people need it more than the bank accounts of the church’s.

There are a lot of people in this world need our money more than church denominations heads. People starving, with no health care.

Quit whinging about money Church’s.

How about the richer church’s in the richer areas, give to the poorer church’s in the poorer areas – and quit asking those poorer people to give more.

I believe God DOES want us to help the poor and feed the poor, and up our charitable giving, not lower that, and give more to feed the bank accounts of the church’s.


I will never trust, or reach out to anyone again. It’s a matter of survival.


After telling two people from church, who I actually thought I could reveal how I had been feeling suicidal to, and then immediately after that – having both of them completely ignore me – and going through the deep emotional pain that causes me, now I am completely calm about it all, I know, I will never tell anyone again, apart from my husband, and my counsellors – because they get paid to deal with me. And I will never trust anyone again.

This last few months – has cemented my understanding, I always had, that people cannot be trusted, cannot be relied on for anything other than superficial stuff, and will let you down, when you can least afford it.

I have had everyone who I have ever needed to trust, let me down, all my family, many other people, an entire previous church, so this is just the latest in a long line of people letting me down. After decades of this occurring, I am done with it.

My husband was okay about my recent crash, he has to be and he was understanding, he could see my pain, that I was already in, to feel like I couldn’t trust my professional support, then felt like church was a dangerous place, which after the last 2 years of hell from a previous church – was all too much for me to emotionally cope with.

Having two people, who I struggled to reach out to, then ignore me, was the straw that broke this damaged camels back. Continue reading

60 Minutes, was hard to watch. But, I watched it for several reasons.


Just watched 60 Minutes, which was a special they did on Daniel Morcombe and his psychopath child rapist killer, Brett Peter Cowman.

It was really hard to watch and hard to hear about these children 6 & 7 years old and what he did to them.

I cried as the man now in his 40’s, cried as he said how the memories will be with him forever and how the violent attack when he was so young, has affected his life. His pain, was so clear to me and I just cried for him.

I hope people watching the program, can realise how severe child abuse, and severe abuse, can damage you so badly, and leave life long consequences. Lifelong pain. That, you don’t ever ‘get over’.

Watching Daniel’s parents, and their pain, I cried some more, just thinking of all they have been through, all the pain, that should never have occurred, if the system, was more appropriate. No parent should ever have to go through that, and know, that this person, attacked at least twice before, did so little jail time and it was so obvious he would do it again, and their son, was the victim, he then killed.

I know people probably wonder why I watch these programs, why I put myself through this and there are several reasons; Continue reading

My observations of ‘going to Church’. I am no longer bothered about regular attendance.

church car

I wasn’t brought up by Christians and I did not become one until nearly 40.

And I didn’t find God, God found me. He pulled me to Church. People who believe you ‘invite Jesus into your heart’ are talking crap. I know, because I know exactly what happened to me and I don’t have these immature beliefs, many have.

I don’t have a high opinion of Christianity, as in organised Christianity. I don’t have a high opinion of most Christians I have met.

I don’t have a high opinion of society. I think most people and most Christians, are apathetic, egocentric, image needy people, who mostly only do things in a self serving way, to feel good about themselves.

Altruistic, society and Christianity, are not, mostly. There is always ‘something in it for themselves’. Although they also don’t have the self insight skills to recognise this either.

And, psychology and those who study human sciences – also state this. I have researched enough to know I am correct in this belief. Continue reading

My 5yr old, is so grounding….he reminds me of the beautiful, good, little, free things in life.



My 5 yr old, is a delightful little boy, very happy, kind, calm, cute, inquisitive, well behaved, chatty, very bright little boy.

He has a very cherub like face, with his chubby cheeks, and huge bright blue eyes, blonde hair and that sparkle in his eyes and his face lights up when he talks about things with passion, and excitement, as he often does.

He delights, in all the little things in life, truly enjoying them and being happy with them, not wanting more like we do as we get older. He’s grateful and joyous with what he has. What he has is enough. He’s always thanking God for everything too, which gets me right in my heart.

He’s always giving me things, like little weeds, leaves, rocks, stones, feathers and encourage this, and I always take delight in anything he gives me, and never tire of it, because I encourage my children’s sense of giving and a weed, or stone, is all little kids have to give and it is special to them. So, it’s special to me. Continue reading

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Narcissistic Games- How I Cope

Cynthia Bailey-Rug

As I’m getting older, I have much less patience with head games. They infuriate me. The good part, however, is I’m much better at getting under the skin of the player when they attempt their games, which really upsets narcissists. *evil laughs* lol

For those of you who also have a narcissistic mother like me, be encouraged! This can happen to you too, & it is a good thing!

I have been asked many times why I speak to my mother. Why not cut ties? It’d be easier! Well, yes it would, but I don’t believe that is what God wants of me. Plus, I’m any only child, & my folks are getting older, in their 70’s. They need my help sometimes. And, in learning better ways to deal with them, I can share my knowledge with other adult children of narcissistic parents. So, get ready to learn from my…

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Goals, are a way to focus on what can be ahead that is positive and needed.

My current goals, future plans (other than family, my faith journey, my own counselling), are;

1) Volunteer with Bravehearts – child protection advocates and campaigning for increased child safety and stronger laws against sex offenders, paedophiles etc.

2) Support and help, where possible with Nepali orphanages and street children, and volunteer there too, in the future.

3) Start writing my first book, under a pen name, which I will self publish. Continue reading

What I like most about blog awards, is finding more blogs, written by amazing survivors.


I don’t display my awards, I’ve had a heap of them now, but I don’t display them on my blog….but what I do see is great about these awards, is finding other amazing survivors of abuse and being able to support other blogs and gaining wisdom from them too.

I have had the pleasure of finding more blogs, including with the two awards I received this month, so I am going to re-blog award posts I receive from now on, and then others can find these blogs too.

So, whilst I felt previously, that I didn’t deserve awards, and felt uncomfortable displaying them all, I do see the benefits, and positives of them.

I have found some amazing blogs and amazing writers, through blog awards and thank every single person for that.