Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.


Poem….I Wasn’t Born With Complex PTSD

I wasn’t born as an abused newborn
People, many, abused me

I wasn’t born damaged by severe abuse
People, many, hurt me badly

I wasn’t born with PTSD
People caused it, with their evil

I wasn’t born with nightmares
People caused them

I wasn’t born sometimes suicidal
People caused this

I wasn’t born hypervigilant
People made me deeply fearful Continue reading

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Westboro Baptist Church founder Fred Phelps Sr. “on the edge of death.”

This man had no idea who God is and did not serve God. He served evil.



God is perfect, there is NO evil in God.

This man is one of many of the worst kind of examples of someone, who claims to be a Christian, and actually – is further away from God, than most non Christians.

I choose not to hate this man, despite all he did to damage Christianity.

It is true that “Satan delights, in coming disguised as a minister on a church stage, speaking evil from the pulpit”.

The (Australian) Baptist church/cult, I was abused at, had many who were openly homophobic, and voiced their views on how deeply sinful it is to be gay. Post on Facebook about it, go to gay Christian pages and attack them. They have those right wing, narcissistic/sociopathic, we are a better church than all others, strong/strict views, where ministers are enabled to be abusive and liars, and they keep the flock as stage 3 sheep. I remember asking why there were no people in the church at all, and finding out why – they would not be welcome. Neither of the ministers encourage people to stop being anti-gay. I think they have ‘issues’ about gay people – and I suspect what they are too. Because they are also pretty misogynistic, too, which is always another sign, of either sociopaths, or latent homosexuals…or both.

The sins going on within that Baptist church I attended, were far worse, than a nice, kind decent gay couple. They abuse people, and have no remorse, and abuse their children, with no remorse. Narcissistic/sociopathic, for sure. They made have openly had outer signs like Fred Phelps, but they had signs like these, in these abusive hearts, that were very ungodly, and serve Satan too. Continue reading


Support Groups? Maybe I will give them a try…


I’ve considered this before, but felt and was advised, I needed to get more of my counselling done first.

Now, I realise after 18 months of counselling, I have partly healed, but I still very much have PTSD and depression.

So, I am considering contacting a local support group, they are a national organisation, but have local meetings close to where I live.

I have noticed they have a 12 step program, to recovery. I hope I don’t have to say….

“Hi everyone, my name is….and I am a PTSD’aholic.” Continue reading


Post Traumatic Stress Disorder & Noise Sensitivity & Hyperacusis


There is a confirmed link between PTSD and noise sensitivity and hyperacusis.

And I don’t mean the loud sounds, startle reflex types of sound.

I mean the real PTSD stressors, like tapping, high pitched sounds, competing sounds, the vacuum cleaner, the lawn mower, kids bouncing balls……..

On bad days – I can literally feel like I want to scream!!!!

It is literally pain in my head.

I also notice an increase in noise sensitivity later on in the day, when my brain is already overwhelmed, and an increase when I am stressed and my PTSD symptoms all increase.

It’s a not a commonly known one, but I have deep insight into my PTSD symptoms and why – so I researched it.



What Is Hyperacusis?

Hyperacusis is a condition that arises from a problem in the way the brain’s central auditory processing center perceives noise. It can often lead to pain and discomfort. Continue reading

The problem with many rich entitled people….”Money Is The Reason We Exist”

The lyrics to Lana Del Rey’s – National Anthem are very poignant of rich society culture.

I love how she exposes the shallow, narcissistic, egotistical, materialistic society, within which everyone resides, including the rich.

Money is the anthem
Of success
So before we go out
What’s your address?

I’m your National Anthem
God, you’re so handsome
Take me to the Hamptons
Bugatti Veyron

He loves to romance them
Reckless abandon
Holdin’ me for ransom
Upper echelon

He says to “be cool” but
I don’t know how yet
Wind in my hair
Hand on the back of my neck
I said, “Can we party later on?”
He said, “Yes, yes, yes”

Tell me I’m your National Anthem
Ooh, yeah, baby, bow down
Making me so wild now
Tell me I’m your National Anthem
Sugar, sugar, how now
Take your body down town
Red, white, blue is in the sky
Summer’s in the air and
Baby, heaven’s in your eyes
I’m your National Anthem

Money is the reason
We exist
Everybody knows it, it’s a fact
Kiss, kiss Continue reading

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My very strong relationship with Insomnia – still going strong…


Insomnia and I, have a very long relationship.

I’ve tried many times, to break up with insomnia. But, insomnia is very possessive, very clingy and just does not want to let me go.

Last night, after trying to go to bed, 3 times, I gave up. Stayed on the sofa watching crap TV, probably fell asleep at about 5am, and then had to get up at 7am, and be a mother.

This is happening a lot, and I am probably averaging 4 hours sleep a night.

It’s because all my PTSD symptoms, have increased over the last 2 months.

PTSD doesn’t want to break up with me either.

I have accepted, I am likely to have them both for life. I just accept this, because it’s easier than assuming I am getting better and then realising, I am not.

I’m a ‘expect the worst and then anything else is a bonus’ kinda girl. I did try the expectation and hope thing for a good while…

Hmmmmmmm…..no, I must have hope that it won’t be forever.

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Religious institutions “work best”, if the majority of their congregation is in Stage 3.


I am posting about this again – because it really is very important – to know and keep reminding myself of too.


Most Christians are Stage 3.

Stage 3 – Synthetic, Conventional Stage

A person will normally move into the third of James Fowler’s Stages, the Synthetic, Conventional stage around puberty but apparently, many adults never move beyond it.

Here authority is located outside the self – in the church leaders, in the government, in the social group. Religious concepts are what Fowler calls “tacitly” held – the person is not fully conscious of having chosen to believe something. Thus the name “Synthetic” – beliefs are not the result of any type of analytical thought. Any attempts to reason with a person in this stage about his beliefs, any suggestion of demythologizing his beliefs is seen as a threat.

The name “Conventional” means that most people in this stage see themselves as believing what “everybody else” believes and would be reluctant to stop believing it because of the need they feel to stay connected with their group. It turns out that most of the people in traditional churches are at this stage. And in fact, Fowler comes right out and states that religious institutions “work best” (p. 164) if the majority of their congregation is in Stage 3. (Now THAT explains a lot of the preaching we hear that sounds destined to discourage people from questioning! To properly assure their continuance, churches apparently need people to remain in Stage 3. ) Continue reading