Trust is a huge issue, for survivors of complex trauma.
It is one of the worst issues, I have seen spoken of as being something not able to be ‘fixed’ with people who have endured prolonged severe abuse, particularly within childhood, by parents/care givers.
TRUST = VULNERABILITY + FEAR + DANGER, to the Complex PTSD brain.
When like me, you have had this fear of trust, being betrayed, repeatedly re-enforced, through adulthood too, the affect can be devastating and potentially life long.
I have tried to trust, many times and been hurt, over and over – by ALL the most important people within my life, for 30 years of my life – 3/4’s of my life.
That does not get fixed over night. It might take years, decades.
And considering all the abuse, alienation, lies, betrayal, I had within the last 2 years, from people I did trust and loved too – to add to a very long list of many, from birth = very strong views, that trust is not something, I should ever consider again. And this can be a survival need, for some.
For some, like me, trust leads to hurt that is too deep and the pain becomes so intense, it is life threatening and only those who understand a journey involving so many abusers, from birth, spread out over decades, will understand. Continue reading