Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.


Liebster Award

Gosh – my 4th blog award this month – I am so deeply thankful!

Such a great way to find more amazing blogs to read and to be able to support some courageous survivors!

Blog of a Mad Black Woman

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On March 10th, I was nominated for the Leibster Award. I would like to thank Teela Hart at Surviving Domestic Violence for this as well as the support she has shown me. Thank you so much! I really appreciate it. In fact, I am honoured. Please take a moment to check out her blog.

I must admit, although I couldn’t see it along the way and throughout my journey initially, when the one year anniversary came around after walking away from my abusive husband on March 12th (US time)/ March 13th (UK time) this year, I felt almost liberated. Still scarred physically and emotionally, I will not let the nightmare continue to have it’s strong hold on me.

I received the following questions:

  1. Whom do you write for?

    I write for victims and survivors of domestic violence, my son and I. Regarding myself, it’s mainly for my sanity.

  2. If the…

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Share Your Story!

CynthiaBaileyRug

Good morning, Dear Readers!

I just wanted to remind everyone about the book I’m working on.  It will be available for free in ebook format.  I’m thinking of entitling it, “Broken But Still Beautiful” or something like that.  The topic is how God helps people who have been abused to heal.  I want to encourage people that no matter what they have survived, God still has a purpose for them, & wants to help love them through their pain.  

No matter what stage of healing you are in, I want your story.  Even if you are still being abused, your story can be encouraging to someone, because it will show others that God is always there, even during the darkest times.

I know sharing details of abuse is painful.  When I wrote my autobiography, “Emerging From The Chrysalis“, it was among the most painful experiences of my…

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Psychopath paedophile child killer’s jail time, to be appealed by Attorney General.

http://news.ninemsn.com.au/national/2014/03/20/07/00/queensland-attorney-general-to-appeal-brett-peter-cowan-s-sentence

I am very thankful to see this.

I hope this is successful and that this will start applying to all the jail times considered for these psychopath’s.

I hope this leads to far more appropriate jail terms.

Something good this morning, to wake up to.


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J.K.Rowling, was severely depressed and suicidal when she wrote her first book.

I knew that J.K.Rowling, was unemployed when she started writing her Harry Potter books, but I didn’t know until I read that she was very depressed, suicidal and there are reports, she had endured domestic violence in her marriage that had ended and had needed to file a restraining order. It is reported she had also had a difficult childhood and no longer speaks with her father.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/J._K._Rowling

But, despite all this, and ongoing custody issues, she went on to write the first of her books, of which only 1000 were published, and her story is well known from that point onwards.

It is very inspiring to know, that another woman succeeded, against the odds, and with serious mental health issues, to be successful in publishing her work.

I don’t remotely expect my book, if I do publish it, to be successful, and I absolutely know it won’t be a huge success, because it’s not a fiction story and the audience for my book, is much smaller and it’s not a book to make money, it’s to help people who are suffering, struggling.

So, my writing and possible publishing is a completely different situation, but I am inspired by J K Rowling’s courage and determination and her success, at an incredibly difficult time. And she has used her wealth to become a philanthropist too, helping to reduce poverty and social inequality and other charitable interests stating…

“I think you have a moral responsibility when you’ve been given far more than you need, to do wise things with it and give intelligently.”

Her courage and strength is very inspiring.

I need all the inspiration I can get at the moment.


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Walking in Obedience

The Abuse Expose' with Secret Angel

Walking in obedience…
is not an easy task.
But it leads to blessings…
to do as God asks.
For we all have a choice…
and can do it our own way.
But if we walk in obedience…
we will see His blessings one day.
For His Word is solid…
and His foundation is strong.
So as we follow His lead…
we will never go wrong.

“Anyone who listens to my teaching and follows it is wise, like a person who builds a house on solid rock.25 Though the rain comes in torrents and the floodwaters rise and the winds beat against that house, it won’t collapse because it is built on bedrock.26 But anyone who hears my teaching and doesn’t obey it is foolish, like a person who builds a house on sand.27 When the rains and floods come and the winds beat against that house, it…

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Excited about putting together the layout, for my book…

I decided on a layout for the posts, with a heading, then a quote I have written myself, then the post, then a Bible verse.

I typed up a sample page and it looks really good! Checked it against other books, and it looks just as good as many well known author layouts.

Even hubby said it looked very professional, but with a personal touch. And if it looked crap, he would say lol!

Decided how many pages for the book, about 200, with double page individual posts in the said layout.

So I will need about 80 individual topics I have written about, which I will put in order of how I learned them, within my journey. Continue reading


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Wow! Put a google search for ‘complex trauma’ and my website listed 5th & this blog 7th!

WOW!! This seriously freaks me out!

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I knew google searches for terms such as ‘healing from complex trauma’ – led to high search result for my website and blog – but just ‘complex trauma’ – wow!

Complex trauma is a pretty vague search term, as there is a lot of info out there, from professional websites, professional organisations – and my little website and this blog are 5th & 7th!

Just shows how popular they both are and how much attention they receive.

I was shocked when fiddling with widgets the other day when changing this blog and the theme etc, and I added the blog stats counter and this blog has had over 67,000 hits, in less than a year.

WOW!

And lets face it – it isn’t a nice subject I write about. It’s yucky stuff.

All I can say is PRAISE Jesus!!! Because I do know I could not do that without Him.

It does make me think, I should definitely start writing books, to help more people – because the stuff I write, is obviously needed.

And, today I am going to allow myself a little pride (just a smidgen) and some self satisfaction and healthy acknowledgment of the fact that I really am achieving something good in all this.

I am doing good.


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Even your professional counsellors, can be wrong about you…

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The last conversation I had with my doctor, didn’t go well, at all.

Several reasons, including about sex offenders, church’s etc, all very emotional stuff for me.

But within this conversation, something was said, that shows to me, that even my doctor has me wrong. And this really upset me and has continued to be on my mind.

I was trying to explain that seeing people at my son’s school, connected with the abusive church, and abusive minister – is something I find very difficult.

My doctor said – “why? Did you think they shouldn’t be there…?”

I never stated, they shouldn’t be there. Not at any point in my stress and anxiety, did I think they shouldn’t be there. They have every right to be there.

My issue is, I have PTSD – so seeing the ‘best friends’ of an abusive pastor – who caused me considerable damage, brings back emotions and memories – triggered by seeing these people, or knowing they will be around – every day – that I find extremely difficult to cope with.

But, not at any time have I considered they don’t have a right to be there. In fact, with regards to their daughter – I am glad she goes to the same school as my son, because it is a better school, than the one I assumed she would be attending, across the road from that church.

So, no – I do not in any way believe people should not be at places I go to, and I am fully aware and I agree, they every right to be there and I would not think differently to that and haven’t at any point. I even asked my husband, had I implied they shouldn’t be there? He said no, not at all, you wouldn’t. Continue reading


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“Is my view in keeping with God being perfect & there is no evil in God?”

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This is what Christians need to be asking themselves?

There is no evil in God.

God is perfect.

God does not want to put anyone in hell – that would be evil.

God does not hate us – that would be evil.

God does not want revenge against evil – because that would be evil.

The issues of God putting Jesus – His only son on the cross to die just for our sins, because we don’t live up to His expectations, so he thrashed Jesus, instead of us…..so God is some kind of child abuser…

IS WRONG – THAT WOULD BE EVIL……..THERE IS NO EVIL IN GOD.

Jesus, was God in human form, and He died on the cross – to not repay evil with evil.

Jesus dying on the cross was a stand against all evil.

Jesus refused to hurt these people wanting to kill Him, because He is perfect.

Jesus – God in human form – his death on the cross was a cosmological deliverance from evil for us all. Continue reading