Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

I believe in WISDOM, when it comes to protecting our children. Not cheap grace.

I am a Christian, this does not mean I support ‘cheap grace’ as many Christians do.

I believe in wisdom.

And our children’s protection, being paramount.

Please support Bravehearts, if you are Australian. Their work, is much needed.

bravehearts logo

Amazing organisation, committed and tirelessly working, to make Australia a safer place for our children.

Please consider donating to them, if you are able.

Our laws, legislation, legal system and system for dealing with paedophiles, sex offenders, child rapists etc, are shockingly poor.

It is organisations like Bravehearts, that are making a difference, in putting pressure on this system being improved, for the rights of children, to live in safety and reduce the amount of child abuse.

Let’s not be apathetic about child abuse – LETS MAKE A DIFFERENCE!


8 + Abusers. Every kind of severe abuse. Prolonged abuse. How am I still here?

Severe child abuse from birth – narcissistic mother, sociopath step father, abandoned by birth father.
Narcissistic/sociopath abuse from sisters.
Child sexual abuse 3 years – paedophile
Captivity abuse as adolescent 4 years – sadistic psychopath.
Domestic violence marriage 5 years – husband alcoholic and gambling addict, physical, mental abuse and more.
Attacked at knife point by stranger in park, must be at least sociopath.
Spiritual abuse, with grooming, by narcissistic church minister, spiritual abuse by senior minister and church.
Bullied in school and in workplace.

How the hell am I still alive?

No wonder I have severe Complex PTSD.

The only reason I am alive, is God’s grace.

No-one can survive all this, and still function.


No such thing as all people being fundamentally good.

For anyone who wants to argue this is not correct – take a look around the world, at all the suffering, starving, war, trauma, abuse, neglect, greed, materialism, apathy, narcissism……and still say people are fundamentally good.

People aren’t.

They are fundamentally sinful and I believe this comes down largely to lack of emotional intelligence, greed, ego, egocentricity, self motivated needs, power needs, narcissism, sociopaths, psychopaths and general evil.

I read that 84 people hold half of the worlds wealth.

How is that okay?

it isn’t.


Dissociation, my old friend, my continuing friend. We meet yet again.

PTSD, has dissociation and I know that missing memory for periods in my life are due to dissociation.

I’ve always had ‘zoning out’ and ‘robot mode’, but much more so, since my PTSD worsened into a breakdown in 2012.

Dissociation is how my brain copes with overwhelming stress and emotions I can’t handle, that go on for any time.

I’ve also had depersonalisation, where everything seems to go in slow motion, and I remember it like it happened in slow motions. it’s how the attack at knife point in the park occurred. I have no emotions related to that, just a slow motion memory.

I’d been having dissociation more within the last 2 months, due to issues that had occurred in counselling, that caused overwhelming emotions, emotional flashbacks, fear, lack of trust etc – all huge issues for me.

And I knew I had to start sessions again soon with my counsellor, to discuss all this new stuff that has come to the surface about the much harder, painful, severe abuse stuff.

The dissociation, was subsiding and then bam, I get a text message that throws me into turmoil.

My counsellor has stopped working for while. And it must be serious reasons, because there’s no approximate time frame. So it could be a long time, indefinitely.

So, many many things have been spinning round in my head, all causing me fear, anxiety, stress and tears, so the dissociation, is setting in.

My brain and emotional capacity to cope, totally overwhelmed. It’s good that I know what it is and in some ways, it’s actually good, because the robot like, almost fuzzy wavy surroundings feelings and sensations I get, mean I am calmer. Just not connected really, to anything around me. And it’s better than being suicidal.

My husband always says, when I am quiet and when I am zoned out, he knows it’s not good.


My counsellor, can no longer provide counselling, for some time. Anxiety, fear, panic.

After the problems that have occurred with my last few sessions with my doctor, I decided to take a break from counselling, knowing I would need to get back into it at some point.

Now, I have heard that my counsellor, has health issues and cannot provide counselling for some time. There was no potential time frame, so I am assuming it could be long term.

My first thought was to feel worried for my counsellor, she is a lovely lady and I don’t want her to be unwell and I am concerned that it is something serious, and I really hope whatever it is, she recovers from well and as quickly as she can, for her sake.

Then, the reality of this with regard to my own counselling, hit me.

It was a long time, before I could build up any trust in my counsellor to talk to her and I still haven’t talked about the worst stuff and how I know this affects me. Continue reading