Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.


Suicide – needs to stop being a taboo subject.

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http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2009/02/24/suicide-when-it-hurts-too-much-to-live/#at_pco=smlwn-1.0&at_tot=1&at_ab=per-14&at_pos=0

This is from this ^^^ link.

What happens when it hurts too much to live? Can it really be too painful to live one more moment with emptiness, depression, and despair? Yes, for some people suicide seems like the only way out.

Not every person who contemplates killing themselves is truly interested in ending their time on earth. For many, suicidal thoughts are about escape — musing about the idea of leaving the bonds that bind them to other people, responsibilities to burdens, and the despair of what they can’t change. If they could just escape it, maybe they still could go on somehow. Not right now, but after a while. They just need to get away from it.

Suicidal thoughts and actions are also sometimes paired with strong impulses and low inhibitions. This can happen with drugs and alcohol, bipolar disorder, or any personality style that leans more toward action than consideration. When a depressed or desperate mood gets legs, a person could be in real physical danger.

These are all fictional examples, but you can see how impulse plus mood problems can equal suicide.

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Things NOT to say to someone with a mental health illness, like PTSD.

http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2013/04/29/9-things-not-to-say-to-someone-with-mental-illness/#at_pco=smlwn-1.0&at_tot=1&at_ab=per-14&at_pos=0

1 “Get busy, and distract yourself.”

“With significant mental illness, [distractions] won’t work, not even temporarily,” Howes said. After a person slogs through various diversions, they’re still left with the same issues. “Ignoring the issue doesn’t make it go away.”

2. “Do you want to get better?”

For mental health blogger Therese Borchard, this was the most hurtful thing anyone has ever said to her. While she knows the person didn’t have ill intentions, it still had a powerful effect. “It implied that I was staying sick on purpose, and that I had no interest in pursuing health, not to mention that I was too lazy or disinterested to do what I needed to do to get better.”

3. “Change your attitude.”

While a change in perspective can be helpful, it doesn’t cure conditions such as ADHD, bipolar disorder, PTSD or schizophrenia, said Howes. And changing one’s attitude isn’t so easy either. “It’s incredibly difficult for a high-functioning person to change their attitude, let alone someone debilitated by an exhausting mental illness.”

4. “Stop focusing on the bad stuff, and just start living.”

According to Barth, “one of the most common mistakes is to tell a person to stop focusing on themselves, or on the bad things, or on the past, and just start living.” Why is this so problematic? It can make a person feel even worse about themselves. “[T]hey figure the fact that they can’t do it is, in their mind, just one more sign of their failure.”

5. “You have everything you need to get better.”

“This is well intentioned, but to me it sounded like an indictment against me for not trying hard enough,” said Borchard, also author of the book Beyond Blue: Surviving Depression & Anxiety and Making the Most of Bad Genes. Plus, this might not even be accurate. Sometimes people don’t have everything they need to improve. “Sometimes you need a little assistance.”

6. “You can snap out of it. Everyone feels this way sometimes.”

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Reeva Steenkamp was murdered by a narcissistic sociopath

He certainly has all the hallmarks of a sociopath.

Love. Life. OM. Blog

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Have you been following the Pistorius trial?

“I’m scared of you sometimes,” texted Reeva Steenkamp.

She and Pistorius had been out with friends just a couple of weeks prior to her murder. Pistorius forced them to leave the restaurant due to his delusional belief that Reeva was flirting with the husband of a friend.

“I was not flirting with anyone today, I feel sick that you suggested that,” she texted, adding, “We are living in a double-standard relationship. Every five seconds I hear you dated another chick.”

The hairs on the back of my neck stood up as I read these and thought about what could have been my fate. These texts are reminiscent of my own from that toxic life with the boy in my story.

As soon as news of Reeva’s murder made the news last Valentine’s Day 2013, I knew Pistorius had killed her in a sociopathic…

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I always vowed I would never become hardened….but you have to be.

harden up

I always vowed I wouldn’t become hardened by all that has happened to me, but the more I see around me, the more I learn, the more I know I cannot rely on anyone, the more I know how painfully I feel hurt caused by human behaviour, the more I know I have to toughen up. Be a lot harder than I am.

You cannot be soft in this world. You get eaten alive by people, or you withdraw and avoid. Typical empath life that I am not sure is healthy, and wish to change.

I need to not care what people think of me, and develop a ‘okay that’s your opinion and you are entitled to it, but I do not have to agree, or tolerate you in my life’.

I have realised most people will always do what they need to do for themselves, have little self insight and most people don’t understand themselves, let alone me.

In this sinful, abusive, egocentric, apathetic society I reside in, I have to not allow any of that to hurt me, bother me, but not ignore it either and do what I need to do, to help others, show compassion and to those who need it and leave the rest alone, to do what they want.

At some point I hope to find people who I relate to, people with passions like mine, people who care about important issues, people not scared to talk about taboo subjects, people who are willing to make life uncomfortable to do what’s needed, what’s right.

People with integrity. I need to be involved in charities, organisations dealing with child abuse, child protection – which is my goal. Find like minded people, to have meaningful, intelligent, non shallow conversation with.

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Symptoms Of Trauma & PTSD

When I first started in trauma counselling, my counsellor showed me this, and I remember thinking OMG, I have all those.

It was while I was still coming to terms with my recent PTSD diagnosis and it was very overwhelming.

It was months before I could fully accept – I have (Complex) PTSD.


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Christianity – clean up your own backyard, before judging non Christians sins.

I just had to remind a conservative Christian, that we are not to judge non Christians, for what some Christians believe to be ‘worse’ sins – abortion. And the other favourite to be bullies about – being gay.

There is so much abuse within Christianity – how about Christians focus on discussing that?

It is so true that these hard line conservative Christian views, are being linked through neuroscience, with lower IQ, lower EQ and narcissism/sociopathy, egocentricity.

Christians – focus on Christianity’s issues okay.

Like abuse. Like child abuse. Like domestic abuse. Like physical abuse to children. Like narcissism. Like judgment. Like intolerance. Like not acting like Jesus. All abundant behaviours within Christianity.

And learn some Christian psychology and neuroscience.

Christianity really is a breeding ground for these hard line, conservative, non tolerant, abusive type people, who like to abuse the Bible – to make others feel bad.

I see so clearly how conservative Christianity breeds narcissists and sociopathic traits.

Complete the opposite of Jesus, in all ways.

Of course, they will demand that they are ‘keeping the truth to the Bible’ – and their restricted cognitive capacity, restricted empathy, restricted love capacity – will keep them within their ‘entitled’, very un-Christ like mentality.

I truly hate seeing Christ and His word, used to abuse and speak hatred, whilst they of course – ignore their own deep issues.


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Conservative ideologies, racism, homophobia, all linked to low IQ & sociopathy.

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/millennial-media/201304/do-racism-conservatism-and-low-iq-go-hand-in-hand

It may be that those who hold deeply rooted prejudice, and racist views, may actually just not know any better, or are cognitively incapable of being free from bias. Several studies suggest that there is a strong correlation between intolerance, racism, and prejudice in general, with reduced cognitive ability, and lower integrative complexity (putting different, separate, ideas together).

In an analysis of two large-scale data sets, it was found that lower intelligence in childhood predicted greater racism in adulthood. A secondary analysis of a U.S. Data set, also confirmed a predictive effect of poor abstract-reasoning skills on anti-homosexual prejudice.

People with lower cognitive abilities were found to interact less with individuals of other races.

Although valid, this data shouldn’t imply that all racists are of low intelligence: it is likely that some are merely manipulative psychopaths. But the findings could suggest that those children of lesser intelligence are more likely to establish and hold racist, homophobic and other small-minded and prejudice views.

http://www.forwardprogressives.com/the-conservative-march-toward-a-society-of-sociopaths/

A society of people who only worry about themselves.

People who ostracize everyone that’s not like them. Humans that value possessions over people, and while they might give money to their church, it’s only because their church is filled with people just like them.

And while these people go to church and call themselves “Christians,” they’ve somehow convinced themselves that Jesus Christ was some selfish, hateful, judgmental person who valued his own self interest over the betterment of others less fortunate than himself.


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Boundaries – dealing with difficult people.

This is excellent advice, to implement and maintain boundaries, with difficult people, which is vital for healing.

http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2014/01/29/5-ways-to-maintain-boundaries-with-difficult-people/#at_pco=smlwn-1.0&at_tot=1&at_ab=per-14&at_pos=0

1. Realize that your needs are important.

“When you doubt your own importance, you’re allowing the manipulations of difficult people to gain a foothold,” said Ryan Howes, Ph.D, a clinical psychologist in Pasadena, Calif. However, when you understand that your time, money, dignity and needs are vital to your well-being, it’s easier to tune out people who want to break your boundaries, he said.

If you doubt your importance, he suggested the following:
•Be with people who value you. “Your social group is like a mirror, reflecting your value back to you.” You can surround yourself with selfish, difficult people who reflect you have little self-worth, which you eventually start to believe. Or you can surround yourself with caring, loving people and start believing that you’re also worthy of love and care, he said.
•See a therapist. Therapy helps you build self-worth and pinpoint the obstacles that prevent you from valuing yourself.
•Be objective. Create a list of the ways you make the world a better place, he said. For instance, you’re someone’s good friend, you make your spouse smile on a regular basis, and you’re committed to recycling. “Just being human means you deserve fundamental rights and respect, but if you look a little deeper you might find unique qualities you can appreciate about yourself.”
•Be fair. “If you believe all people deserve respect, this includes you. If you allow others to treat you like dirt, and you believe they’re entitled to do so, you’re not being fair.”

2. Be firm and kind.

Being firm doesn’t mean being callous, belittling or hurting another person, said Hanks, author of The Burnout Cure: An Emotional Survival Guide for Overwhelmed Women. “You can be firm and loving, firm and validating.”

For instance, you’ve gone on several dates with the same person, but you just don’t click. You let the person know, but they keep persisting and want to continue the relationship. According to Hanks, you might say: “I really enjoyed our time but I’m not interested in pursuing a relationship. Please don’t contact me. I wish you the best.”

3. Have realistic expectations.

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10 Tips To Manage Stress More Effectively. Great For PTSD too!

This is excellent advice for stress, anxiety, PTSD, depression 🙂

http://blogs.psychcentral.com/parenting-tips/2014/03/10-tips-to-manage-stress-more-effectively/

From this ^^^ link.

Stress & the Body

Stress stimulates our fight/flight response, sending the signal to our bodies that we need to run for the hills or turn and face a threatening attacker. Our bodies rush with adrenaline and our heart rate quickens. What are the best tools to help the body recover?

Tip #1: Practice deep breathing and get regular exercise. The fastest way to calm down your nervous system is with your breath. Learn how to breathe from your belly. This is taught in yoga, in voice lessons, in self-hypnosis, and in instructional videos on line. No one thinks twice about brushing their teeth every day. If you practice self-relaxation or meditation for ten minutes twice a day for the rest of your life, you will be more able to remember how to calm your emotions when you need to do so quickly.

It is especially helpful to get aerobic exercise because you can simultaneously breathe deeply and work out the aftereffects of stress on your body. That being said, even walking briskly, climbing stairs instead of the elevator or dancing in your living room count.

Tip #2: Spend time outdoors in nature. Numerous studies have proven that nature heals. Kids learn more in schools that have regular outdoor activities and hospital patients heal faster when they can look out windows and see natural landscapes. Even a short walk on the beach, lazing in your backyard, or sitting on a park bench will do the trick.

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