Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

I always vowed I would never become hardened….but you have to be.


harden up

I always vowed I wouldn’t become hardened by all that has happened to me, but the more I see around me, the more I learn, the more I know I cannot rely on anyone, the more I know how painfully I feel hurt caused by human behaviour, the more I know I have to toughen up. Be a lot harder than I am.

You cannot be soft in this world. You get eaten alive by people, or you withdraw and avoid. Typical empath life that I am not sure is healthy, and wish to change.

I need to not care what people think of me, and develop a ‘okay that’s your opinion and you are entitled to it, but I do not have to agree, or tolerate you in my life’.

I have realised most people will always do what they need to do for themselves, have little self insight and most people don’t understand themselves, let alone me.

In this sinful, abusive, egocentric, apathetic society I reside in, I have to not allow any of that to hurt me, bother me, but not ignore it either and do what I need to do, to help others, show compassion and to those who need it and leave the rest alone, to do what they want.

At some point I hope to find people who I relate to, people with passions like mine, people who care about important issues, people not scared to talk about taboo subjects, people who are willing to make life uncomfortable to do what’s needed, what’s right.

People with integrity. I need to be involved in charities, organisations dealing with child abuse, child protection – which is my goal. Find like minded people, to have meaningful, intelligent, non shallow conversation with.

I can feel this change in me, into a harder exterior, because I am done with getting hurt. I am done with assuming good in people. I am well and truly over assuming people will be anything other than what most of society is…of which, I don’t relate.

I don’t intend to ever expect anything from anyone, and whatever is good, is then the bonus.

If people don’t like what I say, that’s okay. I don’t like a lot of what they say, but I tolerate it.

If people don’t like that I speak of taboo, uncomfortable subjects, like child abuse, mental health – well tough, they can suck it up princess. These life issues, are real, and nothing gets changed or improved by ignoring it, pretending it doesn’t exist, because it’s ‘not nice’. This is life.

I have the courage and strength to speak about it, deal with it – if others don’t – well that is not my issue.

I know I need to do, to try to improve the lives of others, which only happens when people are prepared to do something about it.

Child abuse, lack of help for those with mental health issues, domestic violence, narcissism, starving people, war/terror – all increasing, all toxic, all absolutely not okay.

I will speak up and if people don’t like it, well that is their issue, not mine.

End of.

Author: Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

I am a survivor of complex and multiple trauma and abuse, who at the age of 40, began my healing journey. I am using my journey to recovery and healing, to help others, to help survivors feel less alone, validated, encouraged and to enable others to understand themselves more. Complex trauma, particularly from severe, prolonged childhood abuse, is profoundly life changing. Complex trauma produces complex adults. The journey to recovery is a painful, often lonely, emotional daily challenge and it is my aim to encourage others in their daily battle. ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

2 thoughts on “I always vowed I would never become hardened….but you have to be.

  1. “I don’t intend to ever expect anything from anyone, and whatever is good, is then the bonus.”

    I have followed this line of thought my whole life and have been surprised to learn that my expectations are my expectations. Nobody has the obligation to live up to my expectations, which is how I’ve always thought. As you say, anything else is a bonus. However, I have also learned that it is OK that I may have expectations as long as I frame them within the understanding that they have a right not to do what I expect (consciously or subconsciously) and that I have a right to express my needs and appropriately react if/when those needs aren’t met.

    I now recognize the model of emotional counterdependence that I have followed often. This model has contributed to lopsided relationships steeped in codependence. Wow! What a realization!

  2. I am proud of the fact that you have found your voice and you shouldn’t be hindered by the neigh sayers. Our convictions to speak out of our experiences are founded and the only way to end the silence is to speak out.
    Great post….