I always vowed I wouldn’t become hardened by all that has happened to me, but the more I see around me, the more I learn, the more I know I cannot rely on anyone, the more I know how painfully I feel hurt caused by human behaviour, the more I know I have to toughen up. Be a lot harder than I am.
You cannot be soft in this world. You get eaten alive by people, or you withdraw and avoid. Typical empath life that I am not sure is healthy, and wish to change.
I need to not care what people think of me, and develop a ‘okay that’s your opinion and you are entitled to it, but I do not have to agree, or tolerate you in my life’.
I have realised most people will always do what they need to do for themselves, have little self insight and most people don’t understand themselves, let alone me.
In this sinful, abusive, egocentric, apathetic society I reside in, I have to not allow any of that to hurt me, bother me, but not ignore it either and do what I need to do, to help others, show compassion and to those who need it and leave the rest alone, to do what they want.
At some point I hope to find people who I relate to, people with passions like mine, people who care about important issues, people not scared to talk about taboo subjects, people who are willing to make life uncomfortable to do what’s needed, what’s right.
People with integrity. I need to be involved in charities, organisations dealing with child abuse, child protection – which is my goal. Find like minded people, to have meaningful, intelligent, non shallow conversation with.
I can feel this change in me, into a harder exterior, because I am done with getting hurt. I am done with assuming good in people. I am well and truly over assuming people will be anything other than what most of society is…of which, I don’t relate.
I don’t intend to ever expect anything from anyone, and whatever is good, is then the bonus.
If people don’t like what I say, that’s okay. I don’t like a lot of what they say, but I tolerate it.
If people don’t like that I speak of taboo, uncomfortable subjects, like child abuse, mental health – well tough, they can suck it up princess. These life issues, are real, and nothing gets changed or improved by ignoring it, pretending it doesn’t exist, because it’s ‘not nice’. This is life.
I have the courage and strength to speak about it, deal with it – if others don’t – well that is not my issue.
I know I need to do, to try to improve the lives of others, which only happens when people are prepared to do something about it.
Child abuse, lack of help for those with mental health issues, domestic violence, narcissism, starving people, war/terror – all increasing, all toxic, all absolutely not okay.
I will speak up and if people don’t like it, well that is their issue, not mine.