Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.


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Sociopaths (and narcissists) and their apaths. And the empaths that can spot them.

This was such a massive ‘light bulb’ moment for me, that I knew immediately that this was important. Very important.

It explains so much about why people refuse to acknowledge the bad in narcissists and sociopaths.

It is fascinating and very revealing.

http://www.addictiontoday.org/addictiontoday/2013/10/empathy-trap-sociopath-triangle.html

INTERACTIONS OF THE SOCIOPATH

Let’s look at what we term the Socio-Empath-Apath Triad, or Seat. Unremitting abuse of other people is an activity of the sociopath that stands out. To win their games, sociopaths enlist the help of hangers-on: apaths.

The apath.

We call those who collude in the sport of the sociopath apathetic, or apaths. In this situation, it means a lack of concern or being indifferent to the targeted person.

We have highlighted the importance of seeing the problem for what it is via the tale of the Emperor’s New Clothes, which represents the collective denial and double standards which are often a feature of social life. The apath in this context is someone who is willing to be blind: ie, not to see that the emperor/empress is naked.

Apaths are an integral part of the sociopath’s arsenal and contribute to sociopathic abuse. Sociopaths have an uncanny knack of knowing who will assist them in bringing down the person they are targeting. It is not necessarily easy to identify an apath; in other circumstances, an apath can show ample empathy and concern for others – just not in this case. The one attribute an apath must have is a link to the target.

How apaths, who might otherwise be fair-minded people, become involved in such destructive business is not hard to understand, but it can be hard to accept. The main qualifying attribute is poor judgment resulting from lack of insight. They might be jealous of or angry at the target, and thus have something to gain from the evolving situation.

At other times, the apath might not want to see the ‘bad’ in someone, particularly if the sociopath is useful. Or they might choose not to see because they have enough on their plate and do not possess the wherewithal or moral courage to help the targeted person at that time. Usually, be it active or passive involvement, the apath’s conscience appears to fall asleep. It is this scenario that causes people blindly to follow leaders motivated only by self-interest.

Readers might know of Yale University professor Stanley Milgram’s experiments to test the human propensity to obey orders, as participants gave increasingly large electric shocks to subjects. Afterwards, he wrote an article, The Perils of Obedience: “Ordinary people, simply doing their jobs and without any particular hostility on their part, can become agents in a terrible destructive process”.

Apaths are often fearful people. They are the ones most likely to go with the flow, to agree that the emperor/empress is wearing new clothes. They might also fail to perceive the threat: a danger is of no importance if you deny its existence. An apath’s response to a sociopath’s call to arms can then result from a state of ‘learned helplessness’. Apaths behave defencelessly because they want to avoid unpleasant or harmful circumstances [including the sociopath turning on them]. Apathy is an avoidance strategy.

The empath.

Often, the person targeted by the sociopath is an empath. Empaths are ordinary people who are highly perceptive and insightful and belong to the 40% of human beings who sense when something’s not right, who respond to their gut instinct. In The Emperor’s New Clothes, the empath is the boy who mentions the unmentionable: that there are no clothes.

In the 1990s, researchers suggested that there was a positive relationship between empathy and emotional intelligence. Since then, that term has been used interchangeably with emotional literacy. What this means in practice is that empaths have the ability to understand their own emotions, to listen to other people and empathise with their emotions, to express emotions productively and to handle their emotions in such a way as to improve their personal power.

People are often attracted to empaths because of their compassionate nature. A particular attribute is that they are sensitive to the emotional distress of others. Conversely, they have trouble comprehending a closed mind and lack of compassion in others.

Very highly empathic people can find themselves helping others at the expense of their own needs, which can lead them to withdraw from the world at times.

It is odd. Most of us enjoy watching films and reading books about heroes who refuse to go along with the crowd, which suggests there is something admirable about people who make a bold stand. But in real life, watching someone raise their head above the parapet often makes the rest of us feel queasy. Most – the 60% majority – prefer the easy life. It was interesting to discover, when doing the research for this book, how often people see empaths in problematical terms. Continue reading


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From now on, any friendship, needs to be a two way street.

I was conditioned from birth, to care for everyone else, and receive none back. And feel guilty about not doing enough for others.

I have continued this all through my adult life.

Well, no more.

All my ‘friends’ I have been there for. I have encouraged, helped, supported, through things that are minor compared to what I am going through. Because I love them and care about them. Their problems are huge to them and I have accepted that and been compassionate.

But, now, if they cannot support me back, show some compassion, then they are out.

I will not continue this conditioning from my abusive childhood.

I will not continue to be what my mother made me into.

From this point onwards, relationships need to be two way, or no way.

My needs matter and I am toughening up.

I will not allow hurt, that is within my control to stop, to continue.

You’re either with me, or you are out.

What continues, is only what you allow.


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My personal facebook account, deactivated, permanently. At last.

You can only keep getting ignored, feeling hurt and therefore hurting yourself – if you keep doing the same things.

If I cannot be accepted for who I am, by people who I know, who I have cared about, who I have been there for during their minor issues in life….

Then I have to accept they should not be in my life.

I will not continue to hurt myself, by allowing others to hurt me.

Social media can be a very hurtful place, either by people’s actions, or even more by their lack of.

It feels like a relief.


I have utter disgust for Cardinal Pell…why….because he serves evil.

Father, this priest keeps molesting me. You poor child, come, I will protect you.

This man makes me feel sick. Throughout the time he was at the Royal Commission, everything I heard from him, the venom in his voice as he spoke about John Ellis, the complete lack of remorse, complete lack of empathy, disgusted me to my core.

His ‘apology’ at the RC, was nothing like a apology and he couldn’t even look at John Ellis – it was simply him reading from a written piece of paper as he knew he had to. It made me feel sick when watching him reading it.

His minimizing of everything, made me feel sick too.

He said ‘sexual abuse was an ugly term’.

Okay, how about ‘CHILD RAPE’ is that better? It is certainly more accurate, you disgusting man.

I don’t care how many Christians think I am wrong, I know a fake ‘Christian’ psychopathic man serving evil when I see it.

What he displayed was not remorse, it was not repentance and if it weren’t for the Royal Commission, he would still be doing what he was doing before it – making victims lives hell and protecting evil paedophiles.

The ONLY reason for the ‘apology’ was the Royal Commission and anyone who believes otherwise is a complete fool and is an sociopath/psychopath apath minion, and a fool. Or as sick as Pell is.

The very fact that he admitted to telling his lawyers to treat abuse victims in such a callous manner, angers me so greatly that I could literally punch him in the face if he stood in front of me. And I am not a physical person.

Neither myself, not any other Christian, has to forgive this man – because there is no remorse, there is no repentance and I will not forgive him, but I will leave it to God to deal with him.

Cardinal Pell serves evil – I believe him to have psychopathic traits and I picked up on that listening to him and all he has done in the past.

I do feel deeply for all the thousands of victims of the Catholic Church and their re-traumatisation at the hands of these men who serve evil – they are despicable, disgusting men and I will not condone their actions like so many are.

And what did the Vatbank do – promote him.

Despicable – all of them.

Way too many ‘Christians’ serving evil.

And few who have the guts to speak up about it.

Christian narcissist/sociopath/psychopath apath minions are everywhere.

Sick. All of them.

I am adding this on 12/4/14.

I was very angry when I wrote this, and I can tell when re-reading it back, because I went straight to labelling them evil and all of them being the same.

Which is not what I actually believe when I am not angry.

I have always been a very protective person, when it comes to protecting children and vulnerable people and feel it necessary to stand up against people who harm others and not ignore it like so many apathetic people do.

This originated in my childhood, where I became my sisters mother in our mothers neglect and knew danger was occurring and tried to protect them. I often took the blame for things they had done, so our mother would be angry with me and not them. My one sister even admitted a few years ago that she knew I was doing this, and would deliberately cause trouble to get me into trouble and she thought it was funny then and still does. That’s the difference between her and I. My sisters like to cause harm to people and see them hurt/upset, I don’t.

So, my overprotecting, caring, overly developed sense of responsibility and need to defend vulnerable people, started very young. And I’m okay with that, because at least someone was trying to look out for my sisters. I was in fact, the only one.

I am usually only ‘feisty’ when it comes to protecting people I love or abuse victims.

This doesn’t, however, change my views on Cardinal Pell having clearly psychopathic traits and absolutely failing victims in a truly callous way. Which is still evil at work.


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It’s okay to feel a little satisfaction, in what we do to help others.

I am very aware of the issue of pride. I try to stay very mindful of pride, because it is not a good virtue at all, no matter what society tries to tell us.

But, it is okay to acknowledge our contributions, our successes and feel satisfaction in them. As long as this doesn’t transform into pride, or feeling this makes us better than anyone else.

Over the last 18 months, knowing how little support there is, I have successfully set up the following for others to benefit from and I have benefited too;

My Facebook community page – over 12,000 members.

My Website – very popular, as per search engine positions.

My Blog – doing well, and blessed with many awards.

My Twitter – set up less than a week okay, and doing well.

These are all of the same name as this blog and all provide a free service to other survivors of abuse and trauma.

They do help people, they have educated 1000’s including mental health professionals, who have contacted me to inform me so.

They all provide validation and an expression of this journey, that is hard to find from someone who actually knows complex trauma, complex PTSD and has deep and honest insight into them both.

I consider all this a gift, my passion and a true blessing to be able to do this for others, and it does also bless me too.

Sometimes, when I feel like a complete failure – I stop and think about what I have achieved, to help others, and I feel I have contributed, I have helped and I feel I am achieving my passion to help others.

I want to be a blessing to others.

I could never learn all I have, and keep it to myself.


BRAVE HEART AWARD

I feel very honoured and humbled to receive a Braveheart award, especially from a sister in Christ.
Thank you Falling Down The Rabbit Hole, as it has brought me to your blog and to others, of more brave and courageous bloggers, who will be an inspiration and a blessing to me.
Thank you and praise God and may he continue to bless you.

FALLING DOWN THE RABBIT HOLE

Image

Life and PTSD http://lifeandptsd.wordpress.com/ nominated me for the Brave Heart Award.  Thank you so very much. Life and PTSD is an articulate blog of survivor that trusts in God. She is my very favorite blog friend and I have come to love her in the short time I’ve been following her.

The Brave Heart Mission Statement

To encourage all those whom have been abused to share their hope with others so that they will no longer be a victim but a survivor.

What is The Brave Heart Award?  The Brave Heart Award is for survivors of abuse and for those whom encourage healing.

Stand Strong You Are Not Alone

I call you a survivor, because that is what you are. There are days when you don’t feel like a survivor and there are days when the memories trigger your past and it feels like you are loosing the fight…

View original post 1,352 more words


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Poem – Keeping my head above water

I fight to keep my head
Above the water line
I struggle for breath
I tell everyone, I’m fine

Treading water is all
My capacity can maintain
Stuck in a dark void
Strength continues to wane

Nightmares keep coming
Terror grips me at night
Daytime exhaustion
No end in sight

Emotional flashbacks
Unable to be kept at bay
Past pain and hurt
PTSD brain continues to replay

I am so exhausted
Of this pain I continue to endure
Of abuse I never deserved
Or maybe I did, I’m not so sure

The toxic shame creeping in
My exhaustion can’t fight
Core beliefs begin to surface
Maybe my mother, was right

Complex PTSD symptoms
Resurfacing old pain
Just keep treading water and breathe
Or you’ll go insane

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