Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.


How abusive people – view abuse. Apaths, Egocentrics, Narcissists, Sociopaths, Psychopaths. ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

abuse quote


Apaths – I can’t be bothered to be concerned about abuse. Who cares. Boring. I know people who say they are being abused. I ignore it. Not my problem, is it? And I like that person they said was an abuser.

Egocentrics – Abuse doesn’t affect me, so why should I care? They should deal with their own problems behind closed doors and not bother others. Now can we get back to my problems.

Narcissists – I think it’s fine to use people, treat people badly, then lie, deny, project, if you need to. That’s life. Everyone does it. Don’t criticise me, or I will have a tantrum and deny it all. And if all else fails, I’ll act the victim, whilst starting a vindictive smear campaign.

Sociopaths – I do plan exploiting and hurting others, because I think it’s funny to watch people get upset. It’s not my problem they are weak. And I’ll do it again. It’s fun and I enjoy it. You don’t agree, I don’t care. And if pushed into a corner, I too may act the victim.

Psychopaths – I hurt others because they are there to be used and abused and I feel nothing about how they feel. I will do what I want to get what I want, abuse who I want, hurt them as much as I want and no-one will ever stop me. Don’t even try, or you will be next.

How do I know this is how they think?

Because I have been abused by them all.

And as a result of decades of abuse by all these highly abusive people, I have a lot of insight into the way their minds work.

Commonalities within each of these – are a complete lack of empathy, conscience, remorse, guilt, shame, or regard for human suffering. And a complete sense of entitlement and deep selfishness.

~ Written by Lilly Hope Lucario and subject to © Copyright Protected.

All rights reserved. No part of this entry, may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the name of the author – Lilly Hope Lucario and a clear link back to this blog – Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD. This includes adaptations in all forms of media.

Always mindful of self esteem v narcissism…

As I am in the process of developing healthy self esteem, I am always mindful of what NOT to develop and we can all have a degree of narcissism, particularly when hurt by others.

But narcissism is an enduring pattern of inner experience.

Narcissism encourages envy and hostile rivalries, where self-esteem supports compassion and cooperation.

I see clearly how others I know to be narcissistic struggle with this. Compassion/empathy is something they do not feel, faked sympathy for self serving needs – but not compassion or empathy.

The co-operation part is interesting because narcissists will co-operate as long as it benefits them. But, they favour positions where they can be the boss, they can order people around. And don’t like to be told what to do themselves.

Narcissism favors dominance, where self-esteem acknowledges equality.

I see this clearly within my family members and within narc Christians, who believe dominance is everything. Many right wing Christians like this dominance approach – it favours and feeds their personality and is why many right wing Christians can be abusive, the extreme being those like Fred Phelps. Not so extreme being those like Mark Driscoll.

Equality doesn’t exist in the narc/sociopathic mind – clear example – Tony Abbott – who does not believe in equality, he believes in class divides and the rich getting richer and poor being low life, who do not matter.

Narcissism involves arrogance, where self-esteem reflects humility.

Humility is not within a narcs capacity, they can fake it – I have seen this with a narc Church minister and his equally fake narc wife. Arrogance is a classic example – eg Tony Abbott. Continue reading

18 signs you are dealing with a narcissist.

They’re likable – at least, at first glance.

Narcissists tend to be great at first impressions, coming across as very charismatic and personable, which is also why they can perform quite well in job interviews. “Often the image you see of someone who is narcissistic at the beginning could be very positive, but over a longer term, it turns out to be more negative,” Campbell says. “So that’s where the surprise comes in – it’s like, ‘Oh my gosh, this is the person I just hired, and now look at what I’m dealing with.'”

Not all narcissists are loud and proud. In fact, some are quiet and shy.

While the loud and braggy types are the ones people usually picture when thinking about narcissists, they can actually be quiet and reserved. Zlatan Krizan, Ph.D., an associate professor in the Department of Psychology at Iowa State University, explains that there’s actually two kinds of expressions of narcissism: grandiose, which is where the bragging and showing off is exhibited, and shy, where a person may not be as forthright “or be out there with a bullhorn, but is sitting in the corner, fantasising about when their day will come, and resenting others.”

That’s not to say that narcissists are always either grandiose or shy. In most people, there’s elements of both shy narcissism and grandiose narcissism. “We like to put people in a box,” Krizan says, “but when you look at how these personality traits present themselves, you see separation only at extreme levels.”

They can often be found in leadership roles.

Not that that makes them good leaders, notes Jean Twenge, Ph.D., a professor in the Department of Psychology at San Diego State University and co-author of The Narcissism Epidemic with Campbell. But narcissists often find themselves in leadership positions because “people who are narcissistic want to be leaders. They don’t necessarily make better leaders, but they want to do it, so they’re more likely to end up in those positions.”

They always manage to make the conversation about themselves.

You could start talking to a person about how you have cancer, and pretty soon you're talking about their new car Campbell explains.

They’re also guilty of name-dropping.

It’s all in the name of self-promotion and making themselves seem better – which includes the tactic of name-dropping, Campbell says.

Not every story a narcissist tells is one of victory. But even in the stories of tragedy or failure, there’s an air of entitlement and victimisation.

Narcissists will often tell stories about themselves – sometimes repeating the same story over and over again – and many times, the story will be about an instance of personal heroism or an exploit. But even when a story is of something negative that happened, it’ll never be the narcissist’s fault. There’s “more emotional victimisation,” Krizan explains. There’s still an air of self-reference “about not being understood or people not recognising your value. It’s about me and how I’m great,” but others aren’t realising it.

They like nice things.

Now, we’re not saying that all shopaholics or materialistic people are narcissists, or that all narcissists are also shopaholics. But one of the hallmark traits of narcissism is the desire to display high status, and this is often done with material items, Twenge says.

“One place to differentiate it is that sometimes the shopaholic will tell you what good a deal she got on something, and the narcissist is more likely to emphasise how prestigious or status-oriented the thing is,” she says. “The really prototypical example: They drive up in a Ferrari, but they won’t tell you what a good deal they got on it.” Continue reading


I am a Christian, but I do not want my children to grow up within a church.

Church is great for some people, and I will never deny that, or the good that some church’s do.

But, you do not have to go to Church to be a good Christian, your spiritual path does not have to be confined within the walls and rules of a church.

I am okay with my children not growing up within a church environment.

I have many reasons for this.

1. I feel blessed that I was not brought up in a church.

2. I feel blessed I learned secular life, before becoming a Christian.

3. Most Christians, have no clue what they are talking about, with regards to the Bible, who Jesus was, wisdom, compassion, real grace, forgiveness.

4. A lot of Christians can be abusive, some deliberately, some unintentionally.

5. Too many Christians allow abuse and sins to go on and have great apathy about this and justify it.

6. Church’s teach rules and not God’s perfect love.

Continue reading

Feeling empowered…not guilty.

I am toughening up. Normally I feel guilty if I make decisions for myself.

I am now not willing to be treated in any way less than I deserve.

I am making decisions based upon my own needs and my healing.

It’s empowering.

I only endure, what I allow to continue.

Tony Abbott & Cardinal Pell friends, Dark Triad personalities, flock together, like pack wolves.

When you know a lot about those dark triad personality types – from personal experience of enduring them and education of learning psychology, you become able to spot the traits in them easily.

Key traits –

Lack of any empathy.
Relentless pursuit of self motivated needs.
Callous treatment of others, particularly those weaker.
Exploitation of others.
Lack of any remorse.
Continual lying.
Belief in being superior to others.
Believing in special treatment.
Superficial charm & intelligence.
Lack of self insight.
Poor judgment, failure to learn by experience.

These traits all apply to both of these men.

It truly scares me that Abbott is the leader of the government, along with his like-personality minded friends.

The fact that he is friends with Cardinal Pell, does not surprise me in the least.

Like minded people, flock together.

Like wolves in a pack.

And the Bible warns us of wolves in sheep’s clothing and they are everywhere.

And of course, they have their apath minions all flocking around them too.


Sociopaths (and narcissists) and their apaths. And the empaths that can spot them.

This was such a massive ‘light bulb’ moment for me, that I knew immediately that this was important. Very important.

It explains so much about why people refuse to acknowledge the bad in narcissists and sociopaths.

It is fascinating and very revealing.



Let’s look at what we term the Socio-Empath-Apath Triad, or Seat. Unremitting abuse of other people is an activity of the sociopath that stands out. To win their games, sociopaths enlist the help of hangers-on: apaths.

The apath.

We call those who collude in the sport of the sociopath apathetic, or apaths. In this situation, it means a lack of concern or being indifferent to the targeted person.

We have highlighted the importance of seeing the problem for what it is via the tale of the Emperor’s New Clothes, which represents the collective denial and double standards which are often a feature of social life. The apath in this context is someone who is willing to be blind: ie, not to see that the emperor/empress is naked.

Apaths are an integral part of the sociopath’s arsenal and contribute to sociopathic abuse. Sociopaths have an uncanny knack of knowing who will assist them in bringing down the person they are targeting. It is not necessarily easy to identify an apath; in other circumstances, an apath can show ample empathy and concern for others – just not in this case. The one attribute an apath must have is a link to the target.

How apaths, who might otherwise be fair-minded people, become involved in such destructive business is not hard to understand, but it can be hard to accept. The main qualifying attribute is poor judgment resulting from lack of insight. They might be jealous of or angry at the target, and thus have something to gain from the evolving situation.

At other times, the apath might not want to see the ‘bad’ in someone, particularly if the sociopath is useful. Or they might choose not to see because they have enough on their plate and do not possess the wherewithal or moral courage to help the targeted person at that time. Usually, be it active or passive involvement, the apath’s conscience appears to fall asleep. It is this scenario that causes people blindly to follow leaders motivated only by self-interest.

Readers might know of Yale University professor Stanley Milgram’s experiments to test the human propensity to obey orders, as participants gave increasingly large electric shocks to subjects. Afterwards, he wrote an article, The Perils of Obedience: “Ordinary people, simply doing their jobs and without any particular hostility on their part, can become agents in a terrible destructive process”.

Apaths are often fearful people. They are the ones most likely to go with the flow, to agree that the emperor/empress is wearing new clothes. They might also fail to perceive the threat: a danger is of no importance if you deny its existence. An apath’s response to a sociopath’s call to arms can then result from a state of ‘learned helplessness’. Apaths behave defencelessly because they want to avoid unpleasant or harmful circumstances [including the sociopath turning on them]. Apathy is an avoidance strategy.

The empath.

Often, the person targeted by the sociopath is an empath. Empaths are ordinary people who are highly perceptive and insightful and belong to the 40% of human beings who sense when something’s not right, who respond to their gut instinct. In The Emperor’s New Clothes, the empath is the boy who mentions the unmentionable: that there are no clothes.

In the 1990s, researchers suggested that there was a positive relationship between empathy and emotional intelligence. Since then, that term has been used interchangeably with emotional literacy. What this means in practice is that empaths have the ability to understand their own emotions, to listen to other people and empathise with their emotions, to express emotions productively and to handle their emotions in such a way as to improve their personal power.

People are often attracted to empaths because of their compassionate nature. A particular attribute is that they are sensitive to the emotional distress of others. Conversely, they have trouble comprehending a closed mind and lack of compassion in others.

Very highly empathic people can find themselves helping others at the expense of their own needs, which can lead them to withdraw from the world at times.

It is odd. Most of us enjoy watching films and reading books about heroes who refuse to go along with the crowd, which suggests there is something admirable about people who make a bold stand. But in real life, watching someone raise their head above the parapet often makes the rest of us feel queasy. Most – the 60% majority – prefer the easy life. It was interesting to discover, when doing the research for this book, how often people see empaths in problematical terms. Continue reading