Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.


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Teaching my sons empathy & compassion and how bullying is never okay.

mum

As I am so acutely aware of the emotional neglect many parents unknowingly cause, by not teaching their children empathy and compassion, I talk with my children and model this for them.

I also model how to not put up with abuse and have resilience – because I did not learn these at all. I only (thankfully) learned how to care, protect, have empathy, love as a child, because I was the caretaker for my sisters and my mother.

My son has shown some true empathy and compassion for school friends and he has done this again recently. I nearly cried when he told me this today.

The school he goes to have a lot of bullies, that have all come from the junior school he went to previously, where he was bullied. We had the change to a different junior school when he was 8, which made a huge positive difference to him. So this school that has a lot of bullying, now have all fed through to the high school.

One boy, my son told me, gets bullied every day. This boy has anger issues, and has no friends and is a bit ‘weird’, my son told me a few weeks back. I talked with him about how some kids do have anger issues and there may be reasons for that. We also talked about how this does not give anyone the right to bully and tease him. My son said he felt sorry for this boy.

Today, this boy was being bullied by a heap of these bullies and a teacher intervened and comforted this boy and sorted it out.

Later on in the day, my son went up to this boy and said to him that all those kids were just bullies and mean and that if he was ever having problems, to come and find him (my son) and he would help him. The boy was so happy.

I was so proud of my son for again showing such empathy and compassion, which is hard at 11yrs old. And for recognising how all these bullies, are doing the wrong thing and to not ever get involved in what they are doing.
We talked more about how just because someone is different – doesn’t ever mean bullying them is okay.

My son is also aware that being a ‘cool’ kids, is not a necessity and that being a cool kid, is usually involving bullying and being mean. He sees this clearly in these kids from the school that he was bullied at.

We also talk about how Jesus never bullied anyone and doesn’t want bullying and that He is a our greatest role model and my son knows this too.

My son is not perfect by any means, he is driving me nuts at the moment with his ‘back-chatting’ and the attitude he can sometimes have, which I am aware is his age development and the pre-teenager stuff with hormones starting to kick in.

But, my son is a good kid with a good heart and he has empathy and compassion and a willingness to do things to help others, without being asked.

Children need to be taught many things, and empathy, compassion, resilience, tolerance, what is appropriate and what isn’t, how any bullying is never okay, how being ‘cool’ isn’t the be-all-and-end-all – are all things I am aware of they need to be taught, that I see parents often fail to teach.

I am proud of my children.


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Abusers and bullies want to silence you, because your voice has power.

This quote/pic is from https://www.facebook.com/pages/Shatter-The-Silence-Of-Sexual-Violence/182544748547274?fref=nf

Dealt with this all my life.

Abusive people wanting to keep me quiet.

What they do is bad enough, and the threats and intimidation to keep you quiet, is more abuse.

I have a voice now and I will use when I know it is needed.


Christians, need to be educated – forgiveness, mercy, compassion are needed, but do NOT ‘heal’ the damage of complex trauma/abuse.

Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

I am aware of so many Christian have views, that truly are so limited and lack understanding and insight.

And I know this mostly isn’t intentional, they just haven’t had the life experiences, that are required to understand, and make their judgments and opinions based on that. And Christians can feel it is their duty to hash out Bible verses and limited Christian beliefs, as ‘advice’, like we all can.

I have seen opinions like ‘when you forgive, you will be healed’. This is wrong.

But this is something I really believe Christians should know – because the harm, hurt and re-traumatising their wrong opinions and views cause – needs to be raised.

I have suffered severe abuse, from many people, over long periods of time throughout my childhood and in adulthood. My abusers have been people with high levels traits of narcissism, sociopath, psychopathy, paedophilia, all severe mental health…

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And now all anyone wants me to do….is minimize/suppress, all the trauma.

Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

It has been 2 years of coming to an understanding of the severity of all the trauma and abuse I have been through. It has been deeply painful and emotionally, more than I can handle. It’s still more than I can handle.

I’ve learned all the strategies people use to minimize the trauma, all the abusive ways people hurt you about it. All the ways people like to view it, for their own self motivated needs.

And I see it all the time now, intentionally, and unintentionally.

People think they are helping, by saying I should view the abusers as good and bad. Understand they are good people really who are hurting and I should feel sorry for them. Well the ‘bad’ part of them, is what caused massive damage, so forgive me if I can’t quite hold on to the ‘good’ part of them – which is only good…

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Grieving and PTSD, exacerbate each other.

I am pretty sure that grieving abuse and having PTSD, at the same time, makes each of these worse.

The grieving, makes me have more intrusive memories and more nightmares.

*sigh.

Which then means all the PTSD symptoms, increase.

Which then increases my sadness and depression and grieving.

*sigh.

Maybe my PTSD won’t heal more, until I stop grieving.

How ever long that takes.

*sigh.

No wonder I cannot hold on to any positive periods of time, for more than a few days.

*sigh.


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As a child, I used classical music to help cope with my emotions, to deal with being suicidal.

I was an unusual child. I had an unusual childhood.

I dreamt abut this last night.

I had a Richard Clayderman album and I played certain tracks, to death. I used music and ballet, to cope with all the abuse, all the neglect and the painful emotions I felt and couldn’t talk to anyone about.

Richard_Clayderman1982

I still cannot listen to his music, without feeling how I did then. But, I accept fully, the girl I was in my childhood, is part of who I am, and I feel sadness, grieving and sorrow for her. For me.

Grieving is part of my journey and I don’t know how long that will take.

This track makes me sob. I know I listened to this, at the time of my first suicide attempt, as a teenager. Because when I listen to this, I get intrusive memories of being suicidal and taking my mothers sleeping tablets, and ending up in hospital. I really wanted to die.


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Mentally ill people aren’t killers, or abusers. Angry people are.

PTSD – is also not an excuse for violence, domestic violence, or abuse.

It is always the PTSD sufferers responsibility to manage any anger, express it appropriately, and if too difficult – remove themselves from people and family etc – until they can.

I agree with this…

http://www.slate.com/articles/health_and_science/medical_examiner/2014/04/anger_causes_violence_treat_it_rather_than_mental_illness_to_stop_mass_murder.html?wpisrc=burger_bar

The following is from this ^ link.

In the 1980s, around the time of the massive deinstitutionalization of the mentally ill, I was working toward my degree in clinical psychology by training at a psychiatric hospital in Washington, D.C. One sweet, diminutive, elderly patient sometimes wandered the halls. She had been committed to the hospital after she stabbed someone in a supermarket. She was what is sometimes referred to as a revolving-door patient: She was schizophrenic and heard frightening voices in her head, and when she became psychotic enough, she would be hospitalized, stabilized on medication, and then released back to the community. There she would soon go off her medication, become psychotic, be rehospitalized, stabilized again on medication, released, etc.

At her commitment hearing, she testified that she had become extremely upset in the grocery store before repeatedly stabbing the man in front of her in the checkout line. The hearing officer, aware of her history and sympathetic to this woman with such a sweet demeanor, asked helpfully if she had been hearing voices at the time. Yes, she replied, she had. “And what were the voices telling you?” the officer inquired supportively. She explained that the voices were telling her not to hurt the man, but he had gotten in the express checkout lane with more than 10 items, and that made her so mad that she couldn’t stop herself. Continue reading


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This is why I cannot approve most comments atm..cyber intimidation.

Anon accounts. Same IP address.

All lies. All intimidation/harassment.

What kind of ‘man’ terms all this bullying as needing to be about scoring points with a childish need to say;

Him 10 -v- Me 0

And look who else terms ‘winning’ as a scoring need

It’s being dealt with.


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Society and Christianity need to grow a pair…

A post to my page….pretty popular amongst abuse survivors.

When did society become…..

All about being nice and kind to people who harm others/abusers, make excuses for them, tell us we should feel sorry for them, let them off with little consequences, give them lots of support, let them out of prison repeatedly….that’s if they even go to prison of course.

And worse….tell the victims of these people, who have suffered, to move on, get over it, stop dwelling etc and show little empathy and support to the victims.

????

I see this blatantly, in society, in Christianity….

Society is getting increasingly more screwed up about this.

Which is why society is getting more selfish, more egocentric, more abusive and why we have bullying epidemics, narcissism epidemics, and increasing domestic violence, child abuse etc.

When did society loose the balls to tell people who cause harm – the truth???

When did society decide to ignore abuse/abusers and not care unless it happens directly to themselves???

I have the guts and courage to call them out on it. But there are not many people who are willing to, or have the integrity or courage to. Or care enough about others, to do what’s needed, or do what’s right, moral.

Society is all about ‘look after yourself’, ‘don’t invite negativity about others into your life’, ‘mind your own business’, ‘they didn’t do anything to me – so why should I care?’…

And I could be here all day writing about the all too common Church ways of justifying cheap grace, protecting abusers, damaging abuse victims….they can all too often be the worst. And I am a Christian, a real one, but I do not excuse, or condone their crap/abuse.

Society, Christianity need to ‘grow some balls’ as the saying goes.

Or maybe this is more appropriate 😉

Sorry any men reading this, it was just too funny, not to add 😉