Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

Complex PTSD, means the past, is never in the past.


I hate this.

Decades of trying my hardest to ignore, suppress, and avoid all this.

Trying to get on with my life and put the past in the past. And I succeeded mostly. I had a career, supported myself, had children, was really strong.

And then in 2012, my brain couldn’t suppress all the trauma anymore, and it has been pouring out in memories, nightmares, flashbacks, intrusive memories, emotional flashbacks, fear, anxiety, pain, suffering, tears, sobbing, increasing isolation, ever since.

Being strong and trying to do what society tells you to do ‘get over it’, ‘move on’, ‘put it in the past’ – made my health worse.

Now, as a result of not dealing with it for so long, I have a life threatening severe disorder, that I hate and did everything I could, to avoid.

And it is involuntary, even though I know so much about what I am dealing with.

Intellectual knowledge does not ‘cure’, ‘fix’, or ‘heal’ you of Complex PTSD.

It is an ongoing battle of trying to deal with so many memories, so much abuse, and so much pain, all of which can be triggered at any time and hit me down so fast, so low and so rapidly, that I am literally scared for my life.

~ Lilly Hope Lucario

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Author: Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

I am a survivor of complex and multiple trauma and abuse, who at the age of 40, began my healing journey. I am using my journey to recovery and healing, to help others, to help survivors feel less alone, validated, encouraged and to enable others to understand themselves more. Complex trauma, particularly from severe, prolonged childhood abuse, is profoundly life changing. Complex trauma produces complex adults. The journey to recovery is a painful, often lonely, emotional daily challenge and it is my aim to encourage others in their daily battle. ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

8 thoughts on “Complex PTSD, means the past, is never in the past.

  1. This could be my story, except mine triggered in 2009, its been a very long battle and at times i have been suicidal. But last year i tried EMDR with some success, my break through was being introduced to ART – Accelerated Resolution Therapy. It deals with the emotions and one by one you reprocess the feelings. I discovered during any one triggering i had up to 14 different emotions going off at the one time. My triggering has almost completely stopped, i have had only one mild sensation in the last 6 months, and that’s when i got startled one day, but within 10 min it had subsided. Please, if you haven’t already tried this therapy please please please try it.

  2. this is so familiar to me. I hit the proverbial brick wall while experiencing menopause and had a complete breakdown. In the last 7 years I’ve been through many mental health programs. I finally found a psychologist who would work with me but her time was limited. I found EMDR the most helpful. I will now look into ART. with thanks!

  3. I am trying a new approach after 10 years of therapy and drugs. Spiritual healing. It is nondenominational. Many have gifts to help us. Open your mind and you may see some additional healing you never thought possible. You can cut the cords of attachments dark and painful to yourself. We have body cell memory that needs freed after leaving abuse. It is possible. I tell you from experience. Research on you tube and goggle. Some of these things you can do yourself. Learn how your past old tapes led you to the abusive relationships you suffered and protect yourself from doing it again. (Kayleah Laroch) Sadona radio has free archived recordings especially helpful for those who have experienced Narcissistic Personality abuse. Hope this helps you help yourself to a journey of healing.

  4. I trying to find something that works for me…looking into EMDR.
    Im stuck,having triggers flashbacks and cant move ..nothing is enjoyable,just drudgery

  5. I’m so sorry to know you’ve suffered so badly. Have you tried the meditations and exercises on this page? I’m guessing you already have, but just in case you haven’t: http://self-compassion.org

  6. This articulately explains what I experience every moment of every day.
    Thank you.