Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

My husband will force me to go see my doctor tomorrow.

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I need to go. I don’t want to go.

I have to go. But I don’t feel safe to go. Not anymore.

Trust is a massive issue for me, and once it’s gone, it’s gone. No matter how much I tell myself that is irrational. And I know it is. But, I feel what I feel and I’m not denying it anymore.

So he’s coming with me. Driving me there. To make sure I go. Make sure, I get home. He’s worried about me, I know. I don’t want him to worry about me.

But, really what’s it going to do anyway? I’ll just sit and cry, not say what I need to say. I can barely speak to my husband, let alone anyone else.

I’m scared I will hear more that will trigger my fears, my abandonment crap, my hurt. It’s easier to just detach, avoid, suppress, dissociate.

Hurts less.

No-one can help me, I have to help myself.

Which as I no longer have a counsellor….I’m too tired to put words to how painful that feels right now.

I am too tired. In too much pain.

Author: Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

I am a survivor of complex and multiple trauma and abuse, who at the age of 40, began my healing journey. I am using my journey to recovery and healing, to help others, to help survivors feel less alone, validated, encouraged and to enable others to understand themselves more. Complex trauma, particularly from severe, prolonged childhood abuse, is profoundly life changing. Complex trauma produces complex adults. The journey to recovery is a painful, often lonely, emotional daily challenge and it is my aim to encourage others in their daily battle. ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

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