Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

Christians, need to be educated – forgiveness, mercy, compassion are needed, but do NOT ‘heal’ the damage of complex trauma/abuse.


I am aware of so many Christian have views, that truly are so limited and lack understanding and insight.

And I know this mostly isn’t intentional, they just haven’t had the life experiences, that are required to understand, and make their judgments and opinions based on that. And Christians can feel it is their duty to hash out Bible verses and limited Christian beliefs, as ‘advice’, like we all can.

I have seen opinions like ‘when you forgive, you will be healed’. This is wrong.

But this is something I really believe Christians should know – because the harm, hurt and re-traumatising their wrong opinions and views cause – needs to be raised.

I have suffered severe abuse, from many people, over long periods of time throughout my childhood and in adulthood. My abusers have been people with high levels traits of narcissism, sociopath, psychopathy, paedophilia, all severe mental health issues.

I have deep understanding of their mental health, their incapacities, I have compassion for whatever caused them to be the way they are; genetics, environment, upbringing, mental health disorders, any abuse they suffered etc. I don’t want that for ‘them’. I think it is truly sad and I truly have compassion for them – despite all the deep harm they have caused me and others.

I have forgiveness, mercy, compassion and really want them to all be healed of their issues, have real repentance – for their sake and have talked with Jesus about how I know He will have compassion for them too and that I do not want them to have eternal separation from God. I want them to have eternal life with God.

I have grace for them.

But………..none of this has ‘fixed’, ‘healed’ my Complex PTSD.

I still have nightmares, anxiety, fear of trust, deep emotions, suicide ideation, and all the other significant damage symptoms caused by all the abuse.

Another blogger helped me put this in perspective – Cynthia I love you ❤

A person could hurt someone in a car crash, and cause someone to have potentially lifelong physical disabilities. That victim could and should (as a Christian) forgive that person, BUT – the physical damage is still there. The forgiveness compassion, mercy, love – does not suddenly heal the physical disabilities.

The damage caused by severe prolonged abuse in childhood and then further damage caused within adulthood, is NOT fixed by forgiveness, compassion and mercy.

The damage is neurological, biological and physical damage – just like physical damage causing physical injuries in a car crash.

A child’s developing and immature brain and psyche is damaged by childhood abuse. PTSD is physical injury to the brain. It doesn’t necessarily reduce intelligence and it can increase empathy and compassion.

I really want people to know this, so that victims of childhood abuse are not abused further and re-traumatised by uneducated, wrong and deeply hurtful and damaging views many Christians can have.

And I know Jesus wants me to raise awareness of this.

Please DO NOT tell a victim of severe childhood abuse – that it is their fault they have not ‘got over’ the damage caused because they haven’t sufficiently forgiven, or they have a time limit on their healing, or they are choosing to hold on to the past.

This is wrong. It is painful, and re-traumatises that survivor.

Author: Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

I am a survivor of complex and multiple trauma and abuse, who at the age of 40, began my healing journey. I am using my journey to recovery and healing, to help others, to help survivors feel less alone, validated, encouraged and to enable others to understand themselves more. Complex trauma, particularly from severe, prolonged childhood abuse, is profoundly life changing. Complex trauma produces complex adults. The journey to recovery is a painful, often lonely, emotional daily challenge and it is my aim to encourage others in their daily battle. ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

12 thoughts on “Christians, need to be educated – forgiveness, mercy, compassion are needed, but do NOT ‘heal’ the damage of complex trauma/abuse.

  1. I experienced reabuse because of the ignorance of a church who just wanted me to get over it…forgive…they said I was refusing to forgive and move on…I was sinning …

    • I’m so sorry you have endured this. They were wrong.

      And that is why I will continue to raise awareness of this and try to educate Christians, with appropriate views, because what they do is harmful, and very hurtful and spiritual abuse – even if unintentionally,

  2. I don’t think this can be repeated enough. I’ve talked with family and friends pretty much on this issue numerous times. Forgiveness does not mean the damage is undone, nor that trust is automatically restored– as you’ve said. “Beware of false prophets, which come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ravening wolves.” I would think these words of Jesus would apply to abusers, too: if they are revealed to be a wolf, or even a wayward herding dog, will they be gathered back into the fold? No, I would think a shepherd would be sure to continue to protect the sheep. They cannot afford to allow one who has attacked the flock to remain.

  3. amen….because I would not go back to my ex-husband who tried to kill me I was kicked off the worship team. It is a rare pastor who understands the dynamics of abuse.

  4. I have learned thru experience. People that have Not Studied Abuse and the aftermath ..are ignorant. I do not need anyone to validate me. The remarks the Uneducated people make are damaging to say the least. Do not throw your pearls to the swine.

  5. The next time someone tells you ” Let it go ” Consider the Source

  6. Thank you! This is frustrating and hard to accept, but so true.