I am aware of so many Christian have views, that truly are so limited and lack understanding and insight.
And I know this mostly isn’t intentional, they just haven’t had the life experiences, that are required to understand, and make their judgments and opinions based on that. And Christians can feel it is their duty to hash out Bible verses and limited Christian beliefs, as ‘advice’, like we all can.
I have seen opinions like ‘when you forgive, you will be healed’. This is wrong.
But this is something I really believe Christians should know – because the harm, hurt and re-traumatising their wrong opinions and views cause – needs to be raised.
I have suffered severe abuse, from many people, over long periods of time throughout my childhood and in adulthood. My abusers have been people with high levels traits of narcissism, sociopath, psychopathy, paedophilia, all severe mental health issues.
I have deep understanding of their mental health, their incapacities, I have compassion for whatever caused them to be the way they are; genetics, environment, upbringing, mental health disorders, any abuse they suffered etc. I don’t want that for ‘them’. I think it is truly sad and I truly have compassion for them – despite all the deep harm they have caused me and others.
I have forgiveness, mercy, compassion and really want them to all be healed of their issues, have real repentance – for their sake and have talked with Jesus about how I know He will have compassion for them too and that I do not want them to have eternal separation from God. I want them to have eternal life with God.
I have grace for them.
But………..none of this has ‘fixed’, ‘healed’ my Complex PTSD.
I still have nightmares, anxiety, fear of trust, deep emotions, suicide ideation, and all the other significant damage symptoms caused by all the abuse.
Another blogger helped me put this in perspective – Cynthia I love you ❤
A person could hurt someone in a car crash, and cause someone to have potentially lifelong physical disabilities. That victim could and should (as a Christian) forgive that person, BUT – the physical damage is still there. The forgiveness compassion, mercy, love – does not suddenly heal the physical disabilities.
The damage caused by severe prolonged abuse in childhood and then further damage caused within adulthood, is NOT fixed by forgiveness, compassion and mercy.
The damage is neurological, biological and physical damage – just like physical damage causing physical injuries in a car crash.
A child’s developing and immature brain and psyche is damaged by childhood abuse. PTSD is physical injury to the brain. It doesn’t necessarily reduce intelligence and it can increase empathy and compassion.
I really want people to know this, so that victims of childhood abuse are not abused further and re-traumatised by uneducated, wrong and deeply hurtful and damaging views many Christians can have.
And I know Jesus wants me to raise awareness of this.
Please DO NOT tell a victim of severe childhood abuse – that it is their fault they have not ‘got over’ the damage caused because they haven’t sufficiently forgiven, or they have a time limit on their healing, or they are choosing to hold on to the past.
This is wrong. It is painful, and re-traumatises that survivor.