Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

“Relationship, not religion” – so how come so many ‘rules’ then….

Christians who preach about ‘relationship, not religion’ – but then become obsessed with all the rules, and doctrine and unspoken rules, simply baffle me.

How can they have all these hard rules, that are often only due to selective Bible verse abuse, and then demand this of everyone, belittle those who don’t follow like a blind sheep, and don’t let you in their inner circle club, unless you are prepared to ‘submit’.

All this is not relationship……it’s religion.

But, they are such hypocrites and can’t even see it.

Stage 3 Christians and narcissistic people, use the Bible to do what they want, manipulate people, abuse people and for many to just go along with the flow, like a mindless sheep and do as they are told – because it makes life easier, than to think for yourself.

Stage 3 being the immature level of faith, most Christians stay stuck at and many Church leaders want their flock to remain at, to control them more easily.


I have seen this all in action and all the while, people were preaching relationship, not religion.

When in fact they did not have relationship at all, and had bad religion. And sadly, most had no clue at all, totally denial, totally lack of insight.

I don’t want and will not ever follow along blindly, because I have seen this throughout my life with bad consequences, and with this Church, I see deeply how much this affects them all, affects their faith and affects the way they treat each other and others outside of their church.

I will follow Jesus, when I don’t understand, but not humans.

We are meant to study, challenge, and not just accept whatever we are told – despite what many ministers will say.

It takes inner strength, courage, intelligence and emotional intelligence and great spiritual awareness – to be someone who is not prepared to settle – when it comes to my faith, our God, our Jesus and Jesus’ Word.

If there are rules, doctrine and behaviours happening that I do not agree with, that don’t fit with God’s pure love and Jesus’ character – then I am not going to blindly follow along.

I know I have and will make mistakes – but I have had over the last 5 years – an absolute perfect example of what NOT to do as a Christian, as a Church and I thank God for helping me know this and using what was meant for evil, for good.

I feel sorry for those people. Other people who have left that church, have also identified how rules led they are and commented they are not relationship at all, and are all about the church rules. It is the church they worship, not Jesus. I feel sorry for their lack of knowing God’s character and getting their faith so wrong. Not understanding what a body of Christ should be. Many unknowingly, some deliberately, but sadly all sinfully – as they choose to do or go along with all this. Which is still sin, as I have been told.

Church is a very sensitive issue for me at the moment and I don’t know when I will return. I want to, but I am too fragile atm.

But, when I do, I will know what not to do and what should be done.

And throughout my life – I will always know I learned a lesson deeply – it is never about rules.

It is about relationship, and Jesus gets you through everything. Not the rules. Not the Church. Jesus.

Author: Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

I am a survivor of complex and multiple trauma and abuse, who at the age of 40, began my healing journey. I am using my journey to recovery and healing, to help others, to help survivors feel less alone, validated, encouraged and to enable others to understand themselves more. Complex trauma, particularly from severe, prolonged childhood abuse, is profoundly life changing. Complex trauma produces complex adults. The journey to recovery is a painful, often lonely, emotional daily challenge and it is my aim to encourage others in their daily battle. ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

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