Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

Info about psychopaths, straight from a self confessed/diagnosed psychopath.

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I have to say, I felt very uncomfortable going through this website – however – I am a great believer in getting info straight from the horses mouth, for real insight.


What this man’s writing showed me was;

– How accurate and insightful I am in my capacity to know psychopathic traits – having endured abused from one.

– How my observations and personal understanding of the differences between them, and e.g narcissists is correct.

– How they do know they are psychopaths and are able to control their behaviours.

– They like who they are and do not want to change.

– They know the harm they cause, is considered evil by many (like murder, rape, child rape, child murder), but they don’t see it as evil. They simply do not care.

– They are highly aware of their manipulation, lack of empathy, lack of remorse etc.

– They are not stupid, or lacking IQ intelligence.

– How they even know when they are using manipulation like the psychopath stare – which I am fully knowledgeable of, having witnessed this firsthand from a psychopath.

– They can choose many traits and turn them on and off, et aside their own emotions etc.

– They have emotions for themselves. But, not others.

– They do take pleasure in hurting people, emotionally, mentally, psychologically, physically, sexually, adults, children – depending on their preferences/tastes.

I found this difficult to read…

My First Murder: Why did I do it?

A Reader send me a list of excellent questions regarding My Murders. In this article I will answer the first Three Questions:

You have made reference in your blog to when you were 18 and went to prison for murder the first time. Does that mean you have committed more than one murder?

Yes. I have killed three individual human beings.

Why did you do it?

Actually there was not one, but a combination of reasons to why I decided to kill a person the first time. I avoid saying “I have Murdered someone!” because the word ‘murder’ has such a sinister connotation to it, it seems to describe an act of meaningless cruelty, and I never thought I killed without logical reason.

1.Excitement. – I did it because I hungered for life.

2.Experiment. – It was in essence an experiment more than anything.

3.Control. – I have always been a little strange in that I have a very strong need to be in control of my surroundings, and other people are part of my surroundings.

It may seem strange or backwards from the perspective of someone who naturally experiences empathy, that I would find gratification in my insatiable hunger and thirst for life by taking that very thing away from someone else. But perhaps you can get an idea about my mindset if you think about the saying “One person’s survival is another person’s death” and what that means

Author: Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

I am a survivor of complex and multiple trauma and abuse, who at the age of 40, began my healing journey. I am using my journey to recovery and healing, to help others, to help survivors feel less alone, validated, encouraged and to enable others to understand themselves more. Complex trauma, particularly from severe, prolonged childhood abuse, is profoundly life changing. Complex trauma produces complex adults. The journey to recovery is a painful, often lonely, emotional daily challenge and it is my aim to encourage others in their daily battle. ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

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