Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.


How to know you have ‘irritated’ a narcissistic ego…

My Facebook community page is for people healing from abuse and trauma.

Being a page admin, is good – but we also have to deal with other people’s ‘issues’ they feel so entitled to come along and vomit up all over your page, bullying, like weak people with angry issues and ego’s feel the need to do.

This is today’s ‘boy in a man’s body’, I had to deal with today…

This was my post.
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This was this man’s responses. And mine.
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This charming man is also a racist. A public post on his own page.

And chooses such delightful quotes. Another public post on his own page.
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1 Comment

Type of humour – relates to personality/character type.

In psychology terms, a persons type of sense of humour, correlates with their personality traits;

E.g. If a person finds slapstic (think Funnist Home Videos) and sarcastic humour – very funny, this is a actually a narcissistic trait.

(I’m not saying full blown NPD, but a trait)


Because it is finding other people in pain, or uncomfortable, or something not nice happening to them – amusing.

Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit, since its aim is to belittle or hurt someone, and to laugh at their expense; we associate the word “cutting” with it. On the other hand, true wit associates with the word “levity”, and boosts everyone’s spirits, being aimed at an action, a happening or an attitude..

Some say sarcasm requires intelligence, however, what they fail to realise is that it doesn’t demonstrate Emotional Intelligence. And IQ is not what makes a person a nice person. EQ, is.

Ridiculing people, is enjoying watching someone feel humiliated. Even in a humorous way. Think Big Bang Theory – constant ridiculing each other and sarcasm, and a lot of reality TV requires unhealthy traits to, to make it popular TV.

Unhealthy people like to see people get hurt, like to put others down, humiliate people.

Plus there is a level of being able to laugh at someone and get away with it. Entitlement.

There is an element of lack of empathy and the ability to feel superior over someone.

I find some parts of Funniest Home Videos okay, but I do not find the ones where someone gets hurt, or an animal gets hurt, or a baby falls off something and gets hurt etc, funny at all. Continue reading


Pope apologises for ‘evil child abuse’ by so many priests….Is It Genuine?


Pope Francis asks for forgiveness for child sex abuse by priests, says sanctions ‘must be imposed’

Pope Francis has asked for forgiveness for child sex abuse carried out by priests.

The pontiff’s apology, which was reported by Vatican Radio, is his strongest statement on the issue since he was elected last year.

“I feel compelled to personally take on all the evil which some priests, quite a few in number, [but] obviously not compared to the number of all the priests, to personally ask for forgiveness for the damage they have done for having sexually abused children,” he said at a meeting with members of a children’s charity.

“The (Catholic) Church is aware of this damage, it is personal, moral damage carried out by men of the Church, and we will not take one step backward with regards to how we will deal with this problem and the sanctions that must be imposed.

I would really like to believe this is genuine, in some way.

And what does he mean by ‘sanctions’ – this child abusing priests don’t need a slap on the wrists, they need ‘removing’ from the church permanently.

And reporting to the police. Which apparently in Italy, they will not do.

Are these ‘sanctions’ just another excuse to keep the abuse ‘in-house’.


I do know that intelligent abuse victims, are drawn to finding out the minds of abusers.

I have no doubt that I would probably be told, that I should not be researching about psychopathy and anti-social personality disordered people.

But, I am someone who has endured severe harm and abuse and I already ‘know’ their minds and what they are capable of, and their behaviours and harm they caused is ‘already’ in my mind, due to being abused by them. And I have their abuse in my mind, because I have PTSD, so I think it is needed to learn their minds from their point of view. And the psychology and neuroscience of their minds.

I am all for learning the whole picture, not just having a limited view.

And a lot of people don’t like to venture near these personality disorder symptoms etc, because they get concerned they have a few of the traits and what that might mean. And many just want to lump them all together into one bundle of ‘evil’.

Whereas, I want to know the differences and what makes them the way they are. I don’t want to say they are all evil, even though they do commit many horrendous acts of terror, harm, abuse etc.

I don’t call people evil, but evil is involved and the acts themselves of harm, are the opposite of God, so to me, that means the acts are evil.

I also have no issues with looking into my mind, and honestly knowing my good and bad and I know I am not a psychopath, or a narcissist, but like with any ‘normal’ individual, we can all have a level of narcissism. I have empathy, compassion, remorse, self honesty, don’t lie, don’t manipulate, don’t enjoy hurting people and I have a conscience etc. I therefore, can’t be classed or diagnosed, with NPD, or AsPD.

I found http://www.psychopathicwritings.com/ a few weeks back, and it has certainly opened my eyes, mind to what it is to truly be someone with absolutely no remorse, no empathy, not feel remorseful for killing 3 people and how he believes he is fine, does not want to change and enjoys being who he is.

I found this interesting, although hard to read. This guy is very honest about who he is, which is not always the case for psychopaths. Depending on other PD traits that may co-occur, like narcissism.
Continue reading


Huge triggers, if people ‘defend’ people who are abusive.

I have compassion for people who have such severe mental health problems, that they hurt people for whatever reason. And for whatever disorder or issues they have.

That’s in my non emotional state of mind.

And I do genuinely wish no-one had disorders and messed up minds that make them hurt and abuse others, have no empathy and no remorse. I wish their lives were different and better for them.

But, whilst I can rationalise this and have empathy…..I still have triggers from my past.

I grew up surrounded by very unhealthy people, with very messed up minds and clear personality disorders.

These people – some of whom I loved – have collectively caused me a huge amount of harm, which now has very severe consequences, in severe PTSD and severe Complex PTSD.

My mother and step father – being abusive and messed up themselves – welcomed more abusive (and clearly screwed up) people into our home. Who went on to abuse me and cause further damage. My step father being a perverted sociopath himself – continued talking to his abusive ‘friends’ after I was blamed for the child sexual abuse to both myself and my sister. I know they knew what was going on and that I was being abused.

These abusive people were treated like they were ‘normal’ individuals, with no issues, within our home, safe to be around children. Myself and my sister were not protected from these people and in fact, I see now that I was turned into a sexualised child sexual abuse victim, by my mother and step father.

This I am still processing. And it is deeply painful.

So, anyone ‘defending’ sociopaths, psychopaths, paedophiles, people who hurt and harm others who have no remorse, no empathy and actually enjoyed what they did – and expecting me to see them as normal – is a very painful trigger for me.

But, this does not mean I don’t have compassion for these people.

It’s why I haven’t coped well with my doctors opinions on these people, as in treating them like they are normal human beings (which they are not) and seeing their ‘good’ side and focussing on that. Thinking it is okay to have sex offenders and paedophiles in Churches and allowed to live normal lives. Even if it means they will hurt more people/children.

All this is waaaaaaaayyyyyy too close to what happened in my childhood.

Yes, I know intellectually why my doctor has her views. I accept our views are different and that mine are because I have endured these abusive people and know what they are capable of, fully.

I do believe as well, that Christians are often way too quick to ignore the dark side of people and focus only on the good – minimizing the harm these people have, can and will cause, choosing cheap grace and having compassion/apathy/avoidance, as greater than wisdom.

Other people’s views about abusers, and in particular condoning, minimizing, justifying, enabling their abuse, avoiding that part of them, apathy about they have done……….

HUGE TRIGGER!! And makes me feel neglected, abused, hurt, victimised, all over again. And my massive defence system is activated, along with my capacity to think – we’ve been here before – DO NOT trust that person.

And I’m okay with that – because I have endured severe abuse from them and I know what they are capable of.

And have severe PTSD and I’m still working on it.