Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

Huge triggers, if people ‘defend’ people who are abusive.

5 Comments

I have compassion for people who have such severe mental health problems, that they hurt people for whatever reason. And for whatever disorder or issues they have.

That’s in my non emotional state of mind.

And I do genuinely wish no-one had disorders and messed up minds that make them hurt and abuse others, have no empathy and no remorse. I wish their lives were different and better for them.

But, whilst I can rationalise this and have empathy…..I still have triggers from my past.

I grew up surrounded by very unhealthy people, with very messed up minds and clear personality disorders.

These people – some of whom I loved – have collectively caused me a huge amount of harm, which now has very severe consequences, in severe PTSD and severe Complex PTSD.

My mother and step father – being abusive and messed up themselves – welcomed more abusive (and clearly screwed up) people into our home. Who went on to abuse me and cause further damage. My step father being a perverted sociopath himself – continued talking to his abusive ‘friends’ after I was blamed for the child sexual abuse to both myself and my sister. I know they knew what was going on and that I was being abused.

These abusive people were treated like they were ‘normal’ individuals, with no issues, within our home, safe to be around children. Myself and my sister were not protected from these people and in fact, I see now that I was turned into a sexualised child sexual abuse victim, by my mother and step father.

This I am still processing. And it is deeply painful.

So, anyone ‘defending’ sociopaths, psychopaths, paedophiles, people who hurt and harm others who have no remorse, no empathy and actually enjoyed what they did – and expecting me to see them as normal – is a very painful trigger for me.

But, this does not mean I don’t have compassion for these people.

It’s why I haven’t coped well with my doctors opinions on these people, as in treating them like they are normal human beings (which they are not) and seeing their ‘good’ side and focussing on that. Thinking it is okay to have sex offenders and paedophiles in Churches and allowed to live normal lives. Even if it means they will hurt more people/children.

All this is waaaaaaaayyyyyy too close to what happened in my childhood.

Yes, I know intellectually why my doctor has her views. I accept our views are different and that mine are because I have endured these abusive people and know what they are capable of, fully.

I do believe as well, that Christians are often way too quick to ignore the dark side of people and focus only on the good – minimizing the harm these people have, can and will cause, choosing cheap grace and having compassion/apathy/avoidance, as greater than wisdom.

Other people’s views about abusers, and in particular condoning, minimizing, justifying, enabling their abuse, avoiding that part of them, apathy about they have done……….

HUGE TRIGGER!! And makes me feel neglected, abused, hurt, victimised, all over again. And my massive defence system is activated, along with my capacity to think – we’ve been here before – DO NOT trust that person.

And I’m okay with that – because I have endured severe abuse from them and I know what they are capable of.

And have severe PTSD and I’m still working on it.

Author: Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

I am a survivor of complex and multiple trauma and abuse, who at the age of 40, began my healing journey. I am using my journey to recovery and healing, to help others, to help survivors feel less alone, validated, encouraged and to enable others to understand themselves more. Complex trauma, particularly from severe, prolonged childhood abuse, is profoundly life changing. Complex trauma produces complex adults. The journey to recovery is a painful, often lonely, emotional daily challenge and it is my aim to encourage others in their daily battle. ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

5 thoughts on “Huge triggers, if people ‘defend’ people who are abusive.

  1. I think an important lesson I learned was to distinguish between objective understanding and my personal needs. I know objectively that people might change, but that doesn’t mean that they will, nor does it mean that they will change now. I also don’t have to be there to watch or help them change…that’s all on them, if they want to, they will. If they don’t, they won’t. Not my personal problem, though I would hope my culture has objective ways to keep others from being hurt by them.

    You already know this but that’s why its important to turn the conversation to, “I need to do x for myself right now, even though I know you don’t think it makes sense, this will help me calm down and that is my personal top priority”

    Thanks for sharing your story, it helps me to understand my own.

  2. very useful post – it has just helped me to realise why certain people can cause upset for me, even indirectly, simply by their continued association with the abusers. i get so much from your blog – thank you.

    • I’m glad the post was helpful ❤

      Often people can have limited, uneducated, unwise opinions, that are not meant to cause us triggers, or invalidate our emotions, or be hurtful, but nonetheless do.

      • absolutely – and the new knowledge that i actually have the right to choose to protect myself from this and to keep myself safe is so freeing, and another step along the healing path ❤