Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

I do know that intelligent abuse victims, are drawn to finding out the minds of abusers.


I have no doubt that I would probably be told, that I should not be researching about psychopathy and anti-social personality disordered people.

But, I am someone who has endured severe harm and abuse and I already ‘know’ their minds and what they are capable of, and their behaviours and harm they caused is ‘already’ in my mind, due to being abused by them. And I have their abuse in my mind, because I have PTSD, so I think it is needed to learn their minds from their point of view. And the psychology and neuroscience of their minds.

I am all for learning the whole picture, not just having a limited view.

And a lot of people don’t like to venture near these personality disorder symptoms etc, because they get concerned they have a few of the traits and what that might mean. And many just want to lump them all together into one bundle of ‘evil’.

Whereas, I want to know the differences and what makes them the way they are. I don’t want to say they are all evil, even though they do commit many horrendous acts of terror, harm, abuse etc.

I don’t call people evil, but evil is involved and the acts themselves of harm, are the opposite of God, so to me, that means the acts are evil.

I also have no issues with looking into my mind, and honestly knowing my good and bad and I know I am not a psychopath, or a narcissist, but like with any ‘normal’ individual, we can all have a level of narcissism. I have empathy, compassion, remorse, self honesty, don’t lie, don’t manipulate, don’t enjoy hurting people and I have a conscience etc. I therefore, can’t be classed or diagnosed, with NPD, or AsPD.

I found http://www.psychopathicwritings.com/ a few weeks back, and it has certainly opened my eyes, mind to what it is to truly be someone with absolutely no remorse, no empathy, not feel remorseful for killing 3 people and how he believes he is fine, does not want to change and enjoys being who he is.

I found this interesting, although hard to read. This guy is very honest about who he is, which is not always the case for psychopaths. Depending on other PD traits that may co-occur, like narcissism.

It is so much easier to continue with the “Psychos are psychotic and therefore evil” nonsense. At the end of the day there’s no use in blaming anybody for not knowing about psychopathy and how psychopaths function, think and feel. But there’s also no excuse for continuing to be ignorant and taking all the normal person’s little inner psychopathy out on those fewer psychopaths who get recognized for being so.

I stand to what I have always said: I am not sad about being who I am, I am proud of being me and I like to be me. I will never wish to be any different, only to learn how to live life in a more giving way. I don’t want to become a good person, I AM good and I embrace the badness that I also am. I am me, and THAT is good!

This man murdered 3 people, and is out of prison. He has no remorse, no empathy for his victims or their families, and admits freely many of the traits and behaviours of a psychopath.

It churns my stomach to know people can be like this.

So far the only thing I can say that I count as being a ‘good’ character trait of his – is honesty.

And I am learning, not all psychopaths are the same. Some don’t have the urge to kill or rape. But, they are all ruthless and callous in their pursuits and will do whatever it takes to get what they want and if they hurt people in that pursuit – they don’t care at all.

Think CEO’s who make decisions to fire people, make business decisions that will hurt many people, but do it anyway. No remorse. No consideration for those who are affected. Just getting what they want, however they can.

Lawyers – defending known violent child rapists or serial murderers – can work with them, defend them, try to get them found not guilty – even though they know they are guilty – and if they do get not guilty verdict – will consider that success and no remorse as to that offender being free to rape or murder again. No conscience.

Clergy – defending paedophile priests, who rape children, and considering the victims to be the enemy – as per Cardinal Pell. Callous in wanting everything done to make sure victims didn’t get validated, and treating them so badly. And with no remorse, no empathy. Psychopath, for sure.

These jobs psychopaths gravitate towards, I could never do. Not for any amount of money. Hurting people, is not something I can or want to do willingly, and my remorse and conscience would never live with those kinds of decisions.

I agree with this psychopath views on narcissists.

How they are little children really at heart, looking for attention, needing to be adored, lying and manipulating, unable to own their wrongs, huge ego, all about me, unable to deal with taking responsibility because they know it makes them ‘naughty’, feeling it to be a huge injury to their pride when exposed, having a big tantrum when told off, just like a 4 yr old child when they are being ‘naughty’. And absolutely no self insight, or capacity to own what they are. I see that so clearly in a pastor I was abused by. That is exactly what he is. 100%.

Now this psychopath scorns and looks down on all narcs……..whereas, I can see their emotional development gets stunted at around age 4. Which is sad. I have compassion for them and feel sorry for them and see how sad it is that they are that way. Even the pastor who abused me and caused considerable damage to me. I see – emotionally – he is just a child, in a man’s body.

This psychopath, can’t feel sorry for anyone.

(Now malignant narcissists, they are a different ball game, and that I have yet to research fully, so I make no comment yet.)

Psychopaths are none of these classic narcissistic traits.

And I know fully the difference between a NPD person, and a psychopath and what drives them.

Author: Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

I am a survivor of complex and multiple trauma and abuse, who at the age of 40, began my healing journey. I am using my journey to recovery and healing, to help others, to help survivors feel less alone, validated, encouraged and to enable others to understand themselves more. Complex trauma, particularly from severe, prolonged childhood abuse, is profoundly life changing. Complex trauma produces complex adults. The journey to recovery is a painful, often lonely, emotional daily challenge and it is my aim to encourage others in their daily battle. ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

3 thoughts on “I do know that intelligent abuse victims, are drawn to finding out the minds of abusers.

  1. excellent post.
    I will need to re read it, as it has lots in it.

  2. Wow, thanks for sharing this. I am going to send this link to a friend of mine at works who runs the batter’s intervention program. The guys often write crazy stupid stuff in their journals. It’s hard because you would think that after all theses years we could figure out which ones are all talk and which ones kill…all I know is that they all kill their victims in one way even if it isn’t physically…..emotionally each woman has died over and over again.