Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.


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Learning more about passive aggressive behaviours.

“Behind the smile, a hidden knife!”

― Ancient Chinese saying describing passive-aggressive behaviour

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/communication-success/201401/how-spot-and-deal-passive-aggressive-people

The NYU Medical Center defines a passive-aggressive individual as someone who “may appear to comply or act appropriately, but actually behaves negatively and passively resists.” Passive- aggressive actions can range from the relatively mild, such as making excuses for not getting together, to the very serious, such as sabotaging someone’s well-being and success.

Most chronically passive-aggressive individuals have four common characteristics: They’re unreasonable to deal with, they’re uncomfortable to experience, they rarely express their hostility directly, and they repeat their subterfuge behavior over time. Passive aggressiveness may be directed towards a person or a group.

Before we explore how to effectively handle passive-aggressive people, it’s useful to recognize their common behaviors. Here are three categories of passive aggression:

Disguised Verbal Hostility.

Negative gossip. Sarcasm. Veiled hostile joking — often followed by “just kidding.” Repetitive teasing. Negative orientation. Habitual criticism of ideas, solutions, conditions, and expectations.

Disguised Relational Hostility.

The silent treatment. The invisible treatment. Social exclusion. Neglect. Backstabbing. Two faced. Mixed messages. Deliberate button pushing. Negative or discomforting surprises. Overspending. Sullen resentment. Indirectly hurting something or someone of importance to the targeted person.

Disguised Task Hostility.

Procrastination. Stalling. Forgetting. Stonewalling. Withholding resources or information. Professional exclusion. Denying personal responsibility. Excuse making. Blaming. Broken agreements. Lack of follow through. Resistance. Stubbornness. Rigidity. Avoidance. Inefficiency, complication, incompletion or ruination of task.

Hostility Towards Others Through Self-Punishment (“I’ll show YOU”). Quitting. Deliberate failure. Exaggerated or imagined health issues. Victimhood. Dependency. Addiction. Self-harm. Deliberate weakness to elicit sympathy and favor.

In short, passive aggressiveness is anger, hostility, and/or learned helplessness in disguise, expressed in a covert, underhanded way to “even the score,” and with the hope of “getting away with it.” The perceived payoffs for the passive-aggressive are greater power, control, and negative emotional satisfaction.

Root causes for chronic passive aggression are complex and deep-seated. Whatever the reasons that may drive an individual to be passive-aggressive, it’s not easy when you’re on the receiving end of such veiled hostilities. How can one successfully manage these situations? Here are eight keys to handling passive-aggressive people. Not all of the tips below may apply to your particular situation. Simply utilize what works and leave the rest.

1. Don’t Over React. Reduce Personalization and Misunderstanding.

When you experience possible passive-aggressive behavior from someone for the first time, avoid jumping to a negative conclusion. Instead, come up with multiple ways of viewing the situation before reacting. For example, I may be tempted to think my colleague didn’t return my email because she’s ignoring my suggestion, or I can consider the possibility that she’s taking some time to decide. When we avoid personalizing other people’s behaviors, we can perceive their expressions more objectively. People do what they do because of them more than because of us. Widening our perspective on the situation can reduce the possibility of misunderstanding. Continue reading


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Using my pen name, on my community page.

Many people have asked me my name, as they want to personalise who I am, and I understand that.

Someone today, said they speak about my posts often and because they don’t know my name they call me ‘The PTSD Lady’. Which made me decide, to start using my pen name.

I keep my name undisclosed, as I want to avoid any opportunity for previous abusers to contact me. I also want to protect the identities of my family members, including my sisters, as it is not their choice to have their identity revealed to the world. Which I respect.

I decided upon my pen name, by it having meaning to me. (of course 😉 ).

My pen name is Lilly Hope Lucario.

I read a book once, that I loved and the woman’s last name was Lucario.

The I checked it out and it mean; Continue reading


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Poem – Her Saving Grace Within Severe Abuse

This is my 40th poem and it is a reflection of my horrible childhood, but how the abuse, which seemed and appeared to be far worse than how my sisters were treated, actually, became my saving grace.

Poem – Saving Grace Within Severe Abuse

Darkness
Childhood
Surrounded
By gods
And monsters

Mothers
Neglect
Eldest child’s
Enforced role
To mother
Younger
Sisters
Into motherhood
So young
She’s thrown

But,
Learning
Compassion
Empathy
Vigilance
To protect
To care
To love
Cherish
Despite
Receiving
None

Whilst
So wrong
Cruelty
These
Painful
Roles
All became
Her pure
Saving grace
Now deeply
Understood Continue reading


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39 poems – I didn’t realise I had written that many.

I love to write. I know I am not gifted in the academic, or literary sense of writing, I have no delusions, or ego about my writing ability, but I write from my heart, my emotions and my soul.

I know there are many who like my poetry and there are no doubt many people who think it’s rubbish, or poorly written, and other opinions, and that’s okay, you can’t please or identify with everyone.

My writing of any kind, doesn’t have to be for everyone.

Just those who need it, relate to it, feel validated by it. And for me.

I really love writing.

I’ve had quite a few people want to know when my book will be finished, because they want to buy it and read it. Continue reading


Kindness

justiceforkevinandjenveybaylis

Have you had a kindness shown?
Pass it on;
‘Twas not given for thee alone,
Pass it on;
Let it travel down the years,
Let it wipe another’s tears,
‘Til in Heaven the deed appears –
Pass it on.
~Henry Burton, Pass It On

Practicing random acts of kindness, blessing others less fortunate than ourselves, warms the soul and affects our health for the better. The benefits reaped from blessing others without expecting anything in return are an abundance of joy, happiness, and contentment.

Too many people are in ill health because of stress, overworking, not taking time to stop and smell the roses and enjoy life with their friends and family. It is imperative and important that we take action to counter the ill effects of stress. Random acts of kindness, expecting nothing in return, is one way to reverse the damage stress does to our health and our…

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The power of congregations

The Australian Independent Media Network

gosford anglican churchIt has long been my view that the potential and resources of the church are largely wasted on worship.

There are few institutions with the power to influence fundamental change – governments, unions, the military, big corporations, and the church. This government is undermining the unions, using the military for civil operations, and paving the way for big corporations. Globally, we see the military and corporations wielding power in different states. In times like these, as in other times of crisis, the church needs to step up and use its power to remind the world of its responsibilities.

Despite the falling numbers in church attendance, and the growing number of people who identify as having no religion, there are positive signs of this happening.

Pope Francis is speaking out about poverty, income inequality, the economy, climate change and homosexuality, whilst adopting a much humbler lifestyle and encouraging his…

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‘I Am A _________Survivor’ quotes – how many apply to me.

I share quotes on my Facebook community page – like one today ‘I Am A Domestic Violence Survivor’.

I realise I could make so many of these, and they would all apply to me.

I am a….

Domestic violence survivor

Child abuse survivor

Child sex abuse survivor

Narcissistic abuse survivor

Sociopathic abuse survivor

Sadistic psychopathic abuse survivor

Paedophile sexual abuse survivor

Spiritual abuse survivor

Rape survivor

PTSD survivor

All over prolonged periods of time.

Wow.

Still overwhelms me sometimes.

I really am only here by the grace of God.

And I am strong.

Because I needed to ‘want’ to survive – all that.