Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.


How a day can turn from a crappy start – to truly wonderful!

My day started pretty badly, but improved considerably. I realised people have their different opinions on what I do, and that does not have to have any impact on me, or my mood, or my understanding of situations. My self esteem is not tied to anyone else’s opinion of me. I choose to reject any hurt ego/trigger issues and embrace self esteem and be secure in my intentions and capacity to do right. No matter what you do, there will always be critics and that only has to bother me, if I let it.

After that, I felt great!

In the afternoon, spent some quality time with my husband and my boys. We only went for a walk, with the boys on their bikes and to the park, but it was a lovely day, sun shining, watching my boys have fun, getting out and having some fresh air. I started off with hives, but they weren’t too bad and didn’t detract from enjoying watching my family have fun and just having quality family time.

I am increasingly finding the simple, free things in life, more and more to be all I need. I know what God already provides for is, is enough. Continue reading


Combat related PTSD too often turns into bullies, narcissists & domestic violence so common.

There is a lot of research about combat related PTSD and how ex military are more prone to becoming violent, aggressive, narcissistic/sociopathic behaviours, and domestic violence is far too common with Combat PTSD.

(Please note – I am only referring to the abusive combat PTSD ex-military. I am very aware there are many who are not abusive, so this post, is not to be confused as a description of all being this way, at all).

Having received cyber bullying, harassment, along with others who were threatened, attacked, from a page from the founder;

Simon Buckden of ‘Positive Action For PTSD – Post Traumatic Stress Disorder’, who is ex military, I decided to do some research.


I have always been a huge supporter of ex military with PTSD receiving more support than they do, but in all reality no-one receives enough support for PTSD regardless of the reasons for it. And there are many more people with PTSD & Complex PTSD from abuse, and child abuse, than military.

There is also this notion by many combat PTSD sufferers, that combat is the only ‘real’ cause of PTSD and the worst. Which is absolutely rubbish and this is simply their ego and need to be victims. I have seen these attitudes on Combat PTSD sites.

There are also those who have non combat related PTSD – who believe that military ‘know’ the risks to their physical and mental health and are aware of what can occur – so it is their choice to risk this. Whereas, those who have PTSD from abuse – in no way had a ‘choice’ to be abused or end up with PTSD.

I personally, like to not have these opinions, and just feel compassion for anyone who has PTSD.

There is a lot of research to support that Combat PTSD sufferers, are more aggressive, violent, abusive, and there is far too much domestic violence occurring in their families – of which many spouses and children then end up abused and many have PTSD.

The stigma attached to PTSD – largely comes from all this abuse & violence within the military and how society views PTSD – as ‘a walking time bomb’ for being violent or murderers etc.

It is easy to see why they become more aggressive and violent – a combination of having been military trained for combat, some being narc/sociopathic type traits before they enter the military, alcohol and drugs issues, the shame of ‘big tough men’ getting PTSD and feeling like failures and feeling weak and their need to ‘be big tough men’ after the combat career has ended, to make up for their perceived failure in the military. Continue reading

My self esteem, is not required to be remotely tied up in what others think of me.

Self esteem is not about ego, and I see the differences.

Nothing you ever do, will be okay with everyone. If you know your heart intentions, are good and needed and serve a good purpose, then nothing anyone else says, needs to affect that.

My previous counsellor, said my inner security and integrity to know what is right and wrong and my capacity to integrity and self honesty, are deep.

If people disagree and criticise, you can evaluate what they have said, decide if they have a valid point of view and re-assess your own thoughts. I believe in taking wise advice. I believe in growing and self development and it takes wisdom and lack of ego to know we need this.

There will always be those who don’t support someone who is willing to step up, and often their lack of support, or criticism, is self serving and about their own ego, or low self esteem.

If I feel it is necessary to expose bullies and people who cause harm to others, and it is needed to help prevent others getting hurt – then I will. I don’t need to take on every challenge, I don’t need to feel responsible for every situation I see, and I need to be aware of my own needs, safety etc, but ultimately, the decision to do good, rather than apathy, is required.

This was an interesting chart showing apathy = low challenge + low achievement.

Image Wikipedia.

I knew this, but it was good to be validated in this diagram, which shows the challenge and effort for apathy is so low. And yet apathy is encouraged on society, unless it is about image, money, status etc. Continue reading


When to tackle bullies, narcissists and sociopaths etc. ???

Had an evening of cyber bullying/stalking from sociopathic bullies, other people were harassed, bullied, threatened, called bad mothers, liars, so it was interesting to see, this was certainly not about anything I had done at all.

Yes, I could have ignored it all and avoided it – but I was already involved in it and knew other people were being harmed, and if I had ignored it – all of this would not been exposed and the bullies/sociopaths concerned, wouldn’t have come to light, but now more people know who these people ‘really’ are.

The truth should always be spoken.

I believe in NOT avoiding abuse and abusers and letting them continue. That is apathy, selfishness.

Society is as unhealthy as it is, because of too much apathy and selfishness.

I believe in courage, integrity, not wanting others hurt by people with bad intentions. Compassion, love etc – are NEVER about condoning, ignoring, avoiding abuse. That is all from a selfish heart.

Many people have been great, so supportive, non apathetic too and also wished to know the truth.

A few decided their ‘own’ needs were more important and were critical of my actions. That’s life. Some people are selfish, apathetic and don’t care about abuse and harm to others, but care if it happens to ‘them’, only. They are ‘all about me’.

My husband (cop) was livid when he found out and saw all the comments, bullying, the ‘tag teaming’ on Twitter to bully me, threats etc, from that PTSD, who claim to care about PTSD. They don’t, they have proven that by their actions – attacking people who have PTSD. No professional PTSD organisation attacks, threatens and bullies people, lies and stalks those, with PTSD. Continue reading