Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

Yes, I am a Christian. No, I don’t need to honour and respect abusive parents.


“Why isn’t there a commandment to “honor thy children” or at least one to “not abuse thy children”? The notion that we must honor our parents causes many people to bury their real feelings and set aside their own needs in order to have a relationship with people they would otherwise not associate with.

Parents, like anyone else, need to earn respect and honor, and honoring parents who are negative and abusive is not only impossible but extremely self-abusive. Perhaps, as with anything else, honoring our parents starts with honoring ourselves. For many adult children, honoring themselves means not having anything to do with one or both of their parents.”

― Beverly Engel, Divorcing a Parent

Christianity often gets so much of what is stated in the Bible wrong. Particularly when it comes to abuse.

God does not want us to be in any relationships where abuse is occurring, where it will not stop. Anyone who thinks you have to say married to an abusive person, or have contact with abusive parents etc, are very wrong, and have no idea of God’s pure character.

God is pure love.

Would God want anyone to be abused, for the sake of adhering to a Bible quote, often taken out of context?

No, of course He would not.

That would be having to tolerate evil, and God does not want evil tolerated.

The abusive person is the one who broke the relationship, not the victim. God knows that.

Far to much abuse is perpetuated within Christianity, women shamed into staying with abusive husbands, adult children of abusive parents – shamed into believing God will hate them if they don’t reconcile with them.

Christianity is often more screwed up about anything abuse related, than secular society.

I will not tolerate any of that.

Author: Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

I am a survivor of complex and multiple trauma and abuse, who at the age of 40, began my healing journey. I am using my journey to recovery and healing, to help others, to help survivors feel less alone, validated, encouraged and to enable others to understand themselves more. Complex trauma, particularly from severe, prolonged childhood abuse, is profoundly life changing. Complex trauma produces complex adults. The journey to recovery is a painful, often lonely, emotional daily challenge and it is my aim to encourage others in their daily battle. ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

9 thoughts on “Yes, I am a Christian. No, I don’t need to honour and respect abusive parents.

  1. If that was what God wanted why on earth would he have given us Jesus! You are so right! God bless!

  2. so very glad i know you. i have a hard time letting christian’s into my life because of the abuses suffered at their hands… but you are such a genuinely kind person. thank you for helping me realize that not all christian’s are the same. sending you lots of love.

    • I am so thankful to be able to model a Christian that doesn’t harm or abuse.

      I believe in compassion, empathy, love, wisdom, courage and walking justly, but I am not a legalistic Christian. I am neither a Conservative nor Liberal Christian – neither of which Jesus modelled. I am somewhere in the middle, which I believe is healthy.

      I love everyone, regardless of whether they are Christians or not. I will not judge anyone for their religious beliefs, or lack of and I treat people the same. As Jesus did.

      I am also not perfect, by far and still have much to learn in my Christian walk.

      • aww… you almost made me cry (good tears)…. thank you for being so wonderful; the majority of christians i encounter, especially because of my beliefs, are full of hate towards me and others, wishing death or infertility upon me, and worse. however, slowly but surely people such as yourself have been popping up in my life like a miracle to show me, and remind me, never to generalize an entire group.
        and though i am pagan, i do believe if (and i wish) more christians were like yourself and acted with love and compassion, this world would be a much more beautiful place. doesnt the bible say something about how jesus sat with ‘sinners’; the prostitutes and … i dont know it well enough 2 quote it but i recall he sat with those even his followers (or disciples?) wouldnt sit with- (sorry im probably messing the story up so badly! i hope you know what i am referring to though) but my point is, to me that is what a real christian would be like….
        and you are just that. we all, regardless of belief, never will ever stop growing, and that is a blessing i think… however, i hope you know that you are a shining light 2 a cruel world, especially 4 me.
        and who knows, maybe you will influence others who claim to be christians yet are so very mean and cruel. i am honored you speak to me, and i hope you dont mind me saying i am also honored to consider you a friend ❤

  3. Reading this, I appreciate these thoughts, and I too get frustrated when people seem to use or point to Scripture to allow abuse. There is something though that I disagree with that may actually may be good news.
    “Why isn’t there a commandment to “honor thy children” or at least one to “not abuse thy children”?
    Actually, there is! Not in those words, but there are at least two Scriptures that come to mind that address this issue, specifically, how children should be treated.
    A) Ephesians 6:4- Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord (ESV)
    And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord (KJV).
    These are Paul’s words. Here, just as children are told to honor parents in the Lord, parents are told to respect children by behavior in the Lord. Abusing children would no doubt be disobeying this command.
    B) Mathew 18:6-If anyone causes one of these little ones–those who believe in me–to stumble, it would be better for them to have a large millstone hung around their neck and to be drowned in the depths of the sea.
    Here, though the context is that one should come to Jesus’s kingdom like a child, it is clear that even Jesus himself HATED the mistreatment of innocent children. Abusing children would also be disobeying this command.
    There are much more Scriptures in context that share the same theme. If one reads the Bible honestly, is it impossible to say “honor your father and mother” without comparing “do not provoke your child to wrath” as one example. Using “honor your father and mother” to promote abuse is actually a manipulation of the text. It also indirectly and wrongly puts God’s nature, a perfect and Holy God, in contempt by our flawed standards. This twisting is the very tactic Satan used against Jesus in the temptation in the desert:
    Matthew 4:6-“If you are the Son of God,” he said, “throw yourself down. For it is written: “‘He will command his angels concerning you, and they will lift you up in their hands, so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.’”
    Here, Satan uses Scripture to try to manipulate Jesus to sin. If this is not an indicator of how serious it is to twist Scripture for evil purposes, I personally do not know what is. It is VERY serious to put God’s stamp onto something He never did or said in context, or else, one might actually by spreading Satan’s agenda by perverting the meaning of the text and not even know it!
    My point: God never, ever, EVER condones any form of abuse in Scripture. Period. It condones mutual respect by treating others more important than self (treat others the way you want to be treated). These actions are supposed to be evidence of God’s holiness in a community. And God’s holiness includes His perfect love towards one another.
    I pray for both the oppressed and the oppressor- that the TRUE nature and knowledge of God by His Spirit be revealed through the Scriptures and the victorious power in the life, death, and resurrection of Jesus.