Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.


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Teaching my sons empathy & compassion and how bullying is never okay.

mum

As I am so acutely aware of the emotional neglect many parents unknowingly cause, by not teaching their children empathy and compassion, I talk with my children and model this for them.

I also model how to not put up with abuse and have resilience – because I did not learn these at all. I only (thankfully) learned how to care, protect, have empathy, love as a child, because I was the caretaker for my sisters and my mother.

My son has shown some true empathy and compassion for school friends and he has done this again recently. I nearly cried when he told me this today.

The school he goes to have a lot of bullies, that have all come from the junior school he went to previously, where he was bullied. We had the change to a different junior school when he was 8, which made a huge positive difference to him. So this school that has a lot of bullying, now have all fed through to the high school.

One boy, my son told me, gets bullied every day. This boy has anger issues, and has no friends and is a bit ‘weird’, my son told me a few weeks back. I talked with him about how some kids do have anger issues and there may be reasons for that. We also talked about how this does not give anyone the right to bully and tease him. My son said he felt sorry for this boy.

Today, this boy was being bullied by a heap of these bullies and a teacher intervened and comforted this boy and sorted it out.

Later on in the day, my son went up to this boy and said to him that all those kids were just bullies and mean and that if he was ever having problems, to come and find him (my son) and he would help him. The boy was so happy.

I was so proud of my son for again showing such empathy and compassion, which is hard at 11yrs old. And for recognising how all these bullies, are doing the wrong thing and to not ever get involved in what they are doing.
We talked more about how just because someone is different – doesn’t ever mean bullying them is okay.

My son is also aware that being a ‘cool’ kids, is not a necessity and that being a cool kid, is usually involving bullying and being mean. He sees this clearly in these kids from the school that he was bullied at.

We also talk about how Jesus never bullied anyone and doesn’t want bullying and that He is a our greatest role model and my son knows this too.

My son is not perfect by any means, he is driving me nuts at the moment with his ‘back-chatting’ and the attitude he can sometimes have, which I am aware is his age development and the pre-teenager stuff with hormones starting to kick in.

But, my son is a good kid with a good heart and he has empathy and compassion and a willingness to do things to help others, without being asked.

Children need to be taught many things, and empathy, compassion, resilience, tolerance, what is appropriate and what isn’t, how any bullying is never okay, how being ‘cool’ isn’t the be-all-and-end-all – are all things I am aware of they need to be taught, that I see parents often fail to teach.

I am proud of my children.


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Abusers and bullies want to silence you, because your voice has power.

This quote/pic is from https://www.facebook.com/pages/Shatter-The-Silence-Of-Sexual-Violence/182544748547274?fref=nf

Dealt with this all my life.

Abusive people wanting to keep me quiet.

What they do is bad enough, and the threats and intimidation to keep you quiet, is more abuse.

I have a voice now and I will use when I know it is needed.


Christians, need to be educated – forgiveness, mercy, compassion are needed, but do NOT ‘heal’ the damage of complex trauma/abuse.

Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

I am aware of so many Christian have views, that truly are so limited and lack understanding and insight.

And I know this mostly isn’t intentional, they just haven’t had the life experiences, that are required to understand, and make their judgments and opinions based on that. And Christians can feel it is their duty to hash out Bible verses and limited Christian beliefs, as ‘advice’, like we all can.

I have seen opinions like ‘when you forgive, you will be healed’. This is wrong.

But this is something I really believe Christians should know – because the harm, hurt and re-traumatising their wrong opinions and views cause – needs to be raised.

I have suffered severe abuse, from many people, over long periods of time throughout my childhood and in adulthood. My abusers have been people with high levels traits of narcissism, sociopath, psychopathy, paedophilia, all severe mental health…

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And now all anyone wants me to do….is minimize/suppress, all the trauma.

Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

It has been 2 years of coming to an understanding of the severity of all the trauma and abuse I have been through. It has been deeply painful and emotionally, more than I can handle. It’s still more than I can handle.

I’ve learned all the strategies people use to minimize the trauma, all the abusive ways people hurt you about it. All the ways people like to view it, for their own self motivated needs.

And I see it all the time now, intentionally, and unintentionally.

People think they are helping, by saying I should view the abusers as good and bad. Understand they are good people really who are hurting and I should feel sorry for them. Well the ‘bad’ part of them, is what caused massive damage, so forgive me if I can’t quite hold on to the ‘good’ part of them – which is only good…

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Grieving and PTSD, exacerbate each other.

I am pretty sure that grieving abuse and having PTSD, at the same time, makes each of these worse.

The grieving, makes me have more intrusive memories and more nightmares.

*sigh.

Which then means all the PTSD symptoms, increase.

Which then increases my sadness and depression and grieving.

*sigh.

Maybe my PTSD won’t heal more, until I stop grieving.

How ever long that takes.

*sigh.

No wonder I cannot hold on to any positive periods of time, for more than a few days.

*sigh.


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As a child, I used classical music to help cope with my emotions, to deal with being suicidal.

I was an unusual child. I had an unusual childhood.

I dreamt abut this last night.

I had a Richard Clayderman album and I played certain tracks, to death. I used music and ballet, to cope with all the abuse, all the neglect and the painful emotions I felt and couldn’t talk to anyone about.

Richard_Clayderman1982

I still cannot listen to his music, without feeling how I did then. But, I accept fully, the girl I was in my childhood, is part of who I am, and I feel sadness, grieving and sorrow for her. For me.

Grieving is part of my journey and I don’t know how long that will take.

This track makes me sob. I know I listened to this, at the time of my first suicide attempt, as a teenager. Because when I listen to this, I get intrusive memories of being suicidal and taking my mothers sleeping tablets, and ending up in hospital. I really wanted to die.