I was an unusual child. I had an unusual childhood.
I dreamt abut this last night.
I had a Richard Clayderman album and I played certain tracks, to death. I used music and ballet, to cope with all the abuse, all the neglect and the painful emotions I felt and couldn’t talk to anyone about.
I still cannot listen to his music, without feeling how I did then. But, I accept fully, the girl I was in my childhood, is part of who I am, and I feel sadness, grieving and sorrow for her. For me.
Grieving is part of my journey and I don’t know how long that will take.
This track makes me sob. I know I listened to this, at the time of my first suicide attempt, as a teenager. Because when I listen to this, I get intrusive memories of being suicidal and taking my mothers sleeping tablets, and ending up in hospital. I really wanted to die.