Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

As a child, I used classical music to help cope with my emotions, to deal with being suicidal.

by 2 Comments

I was an unusual child. I had an unusual childhood.

I dreamt abut this last night.

I had a Richard Clayderman album and I played certain tracks, to death. I used music and ballet, to cope with all the abuse, all the neglect and the painful emotions I felt and couldn’t talk to anyone about.

Richard_Clayderman1982

I still cannot listen to his music, without feeling how I did then. But, I accept fully, the girl I was in my childhood, is part of who I am, and I feel sadness, grieving and sorrow for her. For me.

Grieving is part of my journey and I don’t know how long that will take.

This track makes me sob. I know I listened to this, at the time of my first suicide attempt, as a teenager. Because when I listen to this, I get intrusive memories of being suicidal and taking my mothers sleeping tablets, and ending up in hospital. I really wanted to die.

Author: Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

I am a survivor of complex and multiple trauma and abuse, who at the age of 40, began my healing journey. I am using my journey to recovery and healing, to help others, to help survivors feel less alone, validated, encouraged and to enable others to understand themselves more. Complex trauma, particularly from severe, prolonged childhood abuse, is profoundly life changing. Complex trauma produces complex adults. The journey to recovery is a painful, often lonely, emotional daily challenge and it is my aim to encourage others in their daily battle. ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

2 thoughts on “As a child, I used classical music to help cope with my emotions, to deal with being suicidal.”

Leave a comment

  1. negligence123
    May 15, 2014 at 1:55 am

    Music is a beautiful extension of internal expression. The mind and body can be absorbed into another realm of creative imagination that releases one from reality to connect with the sense of tranquillity.

  2. negligence123
    May 15, 2014 at 2:18 am

    Richard Clayderman was one of my favourites aswell as Jean Michel Jarre, Enigma, Elvis Presley, Roy Orbison, Buddy Holly, Bob Marley, Gregory Issacs, Kenny Rogers, The Commodores, Black Sabbath, Iron Maiden, Phil Collins, Peter Gabriel, Janet Jackson, Beyoncé, Shakira, Gypsy Kings and numerous other genres of world music. Had many times tried to play different instruments but to no avail. I’ll leave that one to my cousins. Done a little bit better at singing, managed to get away with a few songs on stage and at Karaoke!