Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.


The reason why the ‘scapegoat’ is picked…

I found this on the amazing Facebook page https://www.facebook.com/pages/Narcissistic-Personality-Disorder-Mother/499761973369646

Every post this page ^ posts – describes is my childhood.

But, I am actually glad I was the scapegoat, because I knew my family were mentally ill, I knew what they did was wrong and unhealthy, and abusive.

I am thankful I didn’t become like them.

I am thankful they knew I didn’t conform to their abusive ways and saw me as a threat to their world of abuse.

I am eternally thankful – to be very different to all of them.

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A very powerful poem. Thank you for sharing this. It takes great courage to put this into words and you have, so eloquently ❤ ❤

Teela Hart

Runs the water of perdition

Fills the porcelain walls of pain

Hands that move without permission

Decrepit talons of evil stroke

Visceral abhorrence did evoke

Compulsory arousal pulled the chain

Slaying me over and over again

Gripping the red, the vile, my fate

Showed no mercy did not abate

To the brink brought me near

Denying my confusion and my fear

Looking on you saw the hate

Before you dug the final grave

As I gripped the red and vile

The red securely sealed my fate

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Society has a really bad habit of minimizing abuse.

BULLIES – who bully continually, are not actually ‘bullies’ – they are Narcissists or Sociopaths, because they have enduring patterns of abusive behaviour.

BULLYING – of the type adults do on a repeated basis, is not just ‘bullying’ – it is verbal, mental, psychological and emotional ABUSE.

Society loves to ‘minimize’ abuse – saying ‘sexual assault’ – instead of ‘rape’ and other minimizing terms.

It really needs to stop, because it MINIMIZES the harm the victims endure.

Please don’t minimize or allow others to minimize the effect of abuse you have endured.

This is something I have worked out for myself, but there is further info about this on many links;






A needed post for my Facebook Community, about the differing needs of many..

Something I have noticed and I’ll explain, as best I can..

—When I post positive quotes and posts….some people find this hurtful, and invalidating – which I do understand. But they do help the people who need them.

—When I post about how hard this journey is and my own fears etc……some people claim I am too negative and claim I promote not healing. But they do help the people who are in that place and need validation.

But, I cannot help every individual, with every post. Not unless I keep the posts very surface level and vague. Which to me, is pointless.

Please know – all I can write about, is my deep honesty of how I feel, what I have experienced, what I research, what the experts say, what I have learned in counselling and what may be helpful and useful for community members.

Not all posts will help every community member – they just can’t – because we are all very individual, with different needs at any one time. And that is okay.

None of my posts – are ever meant with any intention other than to help someone – and they always do. But they can’t help everyone.

My posts are just from my heart and because I care.

I hope people can have understanding of how difficult it can be to be an admin (and a healing person too) of a group with such individual and differing needs.

I do try my very best, and I do care.

If a post isn’t what you need to hear, please know – that is not meant to hurt you at all – and please know you can take or leave what you feel is helpful.

Much love, Lilly ❤

This received all positive responses, which is good. People do need to remember, we are all different and have different needs and are at different points in our journey. And we all need to remember in a community, it isn’t just about our own needs. It is about 13,0000 + people. Continue reading

The most painful part of my healing journey…

When the denial crumbles – it is painful – to see abusive people for who they really are.

To know I was never loved, because they are not capable of love, was one of the most painful things I have gone through in my healing over the last two years.

To come to terms with this and the severity of all the abuse, has almost been more than I can emotionally cope with. I have wanted to be dead, more times than I want to admit, within the last 2 years. And I am a strong person, but that’s how painful it is.

But, this ‘coming out of denial’, was all needed, no matter how deeply painful and still is, as grieving takes a long time. Although sometimes I wish I was still acquainted with my old friends ‘denial, suppression and avoidance’.

But, I know I am growing and strengthening.

And growing in insight, spiritually and in emotional wisdom.