Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

Setting Unrealistic Goals? Why? It’s Self Harm.


A post to my page…

I have a habit of setting myself unrealistic goals. Why?

Because it is a form self harm.

Self harm can be very non obvious, but setting non achievable goals is one, that many complex trauma survivors will have.

When I do this, I can’t achieve the goal, so then feel like a failure, and emotionally beat myself up.

It is harm that my family started and I have continued, that is common, particularly after prolonged child abuse.

This is something I have self insight to know I have done continually in my life.

I’ve done it recently, with how much internet time I wanted to start having, reducing it considerable to no more than an hour a day.

Too much internet time, I have identified, is also a form of self harm, because it stops me from doing things I need to do, that are necessary for self care and my health.

So, I was aware I was doing this, and I have a feeling – so was my doctor when I told her.

But, I decided to see this as a growth/healing opportunity.

1. If I did manage to cut down to no more than one hour a day – then great! Success.

2. If I didn’t, then I would use this as an opportunity to NOT beat myself up and not hate myself for it, and instead have self compassion and be okay with it, and just keep trying.

I have cut down, but not yet to 1 hr a day. And, I am okay with that.

And improvement IS okay and I ‘will’ be content with it. I am celebrating my success.

This is a huge change for me. Healing. Growth. Self development.

If you relate to this ‘self harm’ – we can inflict on ourselves, please have compassion for yourself and know – this is really difficult stuff to deal with.

Author: Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

I am a survivor of complex and multiple trauma and abuse, who at the age of 40, began my healing journey. I am using my journey to recovery and healing, to help others, to help survivors feel less alone, validated, encouraged and to enable others to understand themselves more. Complex trauma, particularly from severe, prolonged childhood abuse, is profoundly life changing. Complex trauma produces complex adults. The journey to recovery is a painful, often lonely, emotional daily challenge and it is my aim to encourage others in their daily battle. ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

6 thoughts on “Setting Unrealistic Goals? Why? It’s Self Harm.

  1. I’m a self-harm-er.
    I don’t cut, but have done so many things, some cannot be talked about.
    Fab post.

  2. So many ways I self harm, none through cutting. Many can even seem admirable to someone who doesn’t know what goes on behind the scenes. Good for you for having such awareness and for being gentle with yourself. Neither are easy.

  3. I’m a recovering self-harmer….you’re right about this being difficult stuff! I had never looked at it quite like this…thanks for sharing your insight💜

  4. I have never thought of this like that, huh…… Good for you, turning this into a positive opportunity of growth! I love how self aware you are! God bless you sister!