Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.


Todays self esteem inducing comment :)

I continue my self esteem project – where I don’t just dismiss comments from others, and try to believe them, without developing ego and without losing humility.

Todays is…

“Hi Lilly, I love your page.

I write posts or notes and sometimes tag you in because I am sharing. Is there a better way to do this or is that okay.

This page is amazing and very healing. I do want to share more and I also love reading stories of others who share. It gives me strength.

Over ALL your pretty KICK-BUTT!!

❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤

I am so happy that there is a community out there that we can be apart of and connect. It warms my heart. Thank you.
❤ ❤ "


3 Comments

Poem – Thrills To Deaden The Pain

This is about my 20’s. My life of avoidance, suppression, my maladaptive coping needs, to deaden the pain.

Poem – Thrills To Deaden The Pain

Sad lonely girl
Represses her secrets
Seeks continual highs
Deadening deepest pain

Weekend partying
Clubbing
Alcohol
Men

Thrill seeking
Needed to numb
The pain
Is too great

Alone, fearful
Of devastation, truth
Choosing to obliterate it
Every weekend

It’s Friday
The start
Of her life
Of her ‘highs’

Wearing little
Dancing provocatively
Seeking all the wrong
Attention

Waking up
The next morning
Who is this guy?
What’s his name?

She limps
Through her life
Thrill seeking
Dulling such deep pain Continue reading


Cried watching this. The sadness, underneath the ‘staying high’.

My 20’s.

I know I am grieving so many different parts of life. My childhood. My adolescence. My 20’s. And all the many periods of suffering, within each of those.

It’s overwhelming, how much suffering I have endured, and how much grieving I still have to do.

This really represents, my loneliness, sadness, how I was trying to suppress the first 2 decades of my life. How I went out partying, clubbing, drinking and taking home men, to stay ‘high’, so I wouldn’t have to feel the pain.

Lyrics

“Stay High (Tove Lo Flip)”

Ooh [x16]

Staying in my paper tent
Where the fun ain’t got no end
Staying in my paper
Where the fun ain’t got no end
Staying in my paper tent
Where the fun ain’t got no end

Ooh

Can’t go home alone again
Need someone to numb the pain
Can’t go home alone again
Need someone to numb the pain
Can’t go home alone again
Need someone to numb the pain
Continue reading


1 Comment

My poetry, always evokes emotional reponses & inspires people.

My poetry, like how I always am, is very raw, very real, very honest, very emotional, from my heart and soul.

Whenever I share it, I feel vulnerable, it doesn’t really feel safe, due to the deeply personal depth to it.

But, in sharing it, it strengthens me, whilst letting others know they are now alone, and someone understand the devastation of severe prolonged abuse, of different kinds.

My poetry and writing, also puts into words, what many can’t.

I praise God, for creating me someone able to do this.

These are some responses today, from sharing;

@HealingCPTSD #DV Best poem I have ever read about domestic violence. Can empathize with author feel pain. Everyone should read and share.

You have had a painful past Lilly. No wonder you are so compassionate.

You are so so brave and inspiring I am so sorry that you have to go through so much pain

You do such an amazing job with this page!! Thank you for blessing, supporting and encouraging so many people We love you so much!! Continue reading


Poem – Constant Dark Shadow Companion

Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A poem about PTSD.

Poem – Constant Dark Shadow Companion

PTSD mind
Remembers
Too much
Different
Trauma
Fight
Vying
For
Equal
Attention

Never knowing
Which trauma
Will spring
From the
Dark recesses
Of my
Meticulously
Stored
Memory
Files

Narcissist
Sociopath
Psychopath
Paedophile
Which will
My mind
Choose
Today?
Tonight
As my
Companion?

Mother
Step father
Neighbour
Family friend
Sisters
Ex-husband
Pastor
Stranger
In the park

All memories
Dark
Pain
Hurt
Betrayal
Suffering
Abuse
Lies
Manipulation
They all
Enjoyed

Since PTSD
Crash
2012
Brain
Unable to
Contain
Repress
Suppress
Any longer
Memories
Unleashed

View original post 48 more words


There are many ‘walking dead’ out there…

Two posts on my page today;

Those who refuse, or are unable to look inside themselves, with honesty and insight…

Are basically, like the walking dead.

You only awaken, and become truly alive, when you look inside at your heart, mind and soul and acknowledge the good and bad.

Only then, does your vision become clear and your thoughts, have any clarity, any honesty, any depth.

and

It interests me, when people talk about ‘crazy’.

It is a form of insanity to have no self insight and no capacity for self honesty about own issues. Continue reading