Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

Poem – Thrills To Deaden The Pain


This is about my 20’s. My life of avoidance, suppression, my maladaptive coping needs, to deaden the pain.

Poem – Thrills To Deaden The Pain

Sad lonely girl
Represses her secrets
Seeks continual highs
Deadening deepest pain

Weekend partying

Thrill seeking
Needed to numb
The pain
Is too great

Alone, fearful
Of devastation, truth
Choosing to obliterate it
Every weekend

It’s Friday
The start
Of her life
Of her ‘highs’

Wearing little
Dancing provocatively
Seeking all the wrong

Waking up
The next morning
Who is this guy?
What’s his name?

She limps
Through her life
Thrill seeking
Dulling such deep pain

No support
To face it
Too scared
To tell

Weekend thrills
Give her release
But deep sadness
Just under the surface

It’s okay
Another weekend of thrills
Is coming
Clubbing, alcohol, dancing, men.

Most of the pain

Is how she copes.

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Author: Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

I am a survivor of complex and multiple trauma and abuse, who at the age of 40, began my healing journey. I am using my journey to recovery and healing, to help others, to help survivors feel less alone, validated, encouraged and to enable others to understand themselves more. Complex trauma, particularly from severe, prolonged childhood abuse, is profoundly life changing. Complex trauma produces complex adults. The journey to recovery is a painful, often lonely, emotional daily challenge and it is my aim to encourage others in their daily battle. ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

3 thoughts on “Poem – Thrills To Deaden The Pain

  1. Crazy and exciting, but it sounds like you were a bit lost and looking for something. Good poem anyway, reminds me why I like being in my early 20s: less responsibilities and more room to be hedonistic 😉

  2. Is unreal the things we will do so we don’t have to feel anything, mine was and honestly occasionally is narcotic pain meds. Now its very rare, but I have not beat it yet, soon I will I pray, that is if in can gain an ounce of your strength. God bless you sister!