Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.


What is it with many church ministers and their ego’s??

People with ego needs, flock to positions of power, where they can lord it over people. For Christians, particularly men, this is being the church minister.

They feel like no-one can have greater spiritual wisdom than they do, no-one should criticise them and don’t believe people can have greater gifts than they do.

And they only want people in the church, who stroke and massage their ego’s.

Anyone who doesn’t, or is willing to stand up and voice something different, is shot down, and not welcome.

So sad, and quite frankly, pathetic.

I have no time in my life, for such people.

Get over your ego – there is no place in ministry for ego.

That’s not about Jesus.


I will not be brainwashed, by foolish church people.

I stand by my understanding, that Church people can be the most foolish and unwise people I have known.

They confuse their assumed role of having to be compassionate, never angry, never judging etc – in a very unwise way.

They allow and enable abusive people to continue what they do. They apply cheap grace, often not even understanding what cheap grace is. They do whatever they need to do for their ‘own needs’. Not for God’s.

The ones on the right, are often abusive, legalistic, rules led, church rules dominated, lack of empathy, lack of wisdom, church goers.

The ones on the left, just think anything goes and there needs to be nothing that God requires of us.

Both equally wrong, equally nothing like Jesus, equally lacking in any spiritual wisdom.

Many church people are no different to the rest of society, egocentric, selfish, lacking in empathy, compassion, altruism.

Why don’t I go to church? Continue reading


Abusers, liars, narcissists, will all want their victims to keep quiet…..

Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

Of course they do – they don’t want the truth about them exposed.

This will apply to all forms of abusers – mental, sexual, physical, psychological, verbal, spiritual and whether to adults, or children.

They know what they are doing is wrong.

If they hide their behaviour, or try to silence you, they DO know what they are doing is wrong.

The abuse was still a choice, they decided to make.

They will manipulate this ‘silence’ in a variety of ways;

Threats to the victim.

Shaming the victim.

Lies about the victim. Including lying by omission, lying by failing to tell the truth to others who wrongly believe/assume something about the victim.

Gaslighting – making the victim not believe their own truth, confusing them.

Blaming the victim.

Emotional abuse – eg saying the family will suffer.

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I would rather be alone than…

I would rather be alone, than deal with people who have any degree of fake-ness, selfishness, egocentricity, narcissism, tell lies – even to themselves.

Not because I believe those people are evil.

It is due to the fact that I have endured so much abuse and harm from so many people, that I cannot handle any more.

I am at the point in my life where I would rather be alone. I actually like my own company now, whereas, I never used to. I have always ‘needed’ people and now I don’t.

Yes, I feel lonely sometimes, but better that, than suicidal because of people’s issues.

I’ve been on the receiving end of people’s issues my entire life.

I will NOT endure it anymore.

People want to push me into being involved with people, they think they know what is best for me.

They don’t.


I am getting so much better, at being firm about my needs, self care and my journey.

I have decided to attend Bible study again. It is something I need, something I know Jesus wants me to do.

But, this does not mean I wish to attend Church, or be a part of the Church.

I know that is not what I need right now. I don’t believe you have to and that different people have different paths laid out for them.

I have different needs, gifts and levels of wisdom, different levels of spiritual growth, to many other Christians, and this is not a boast, in any way, it is due to my life and God’s work within me.

I don’t have the capacity to deal with petty, minor, normal life issues in life, – it is not my gifting and I am very aware and upfront and honest about that.

I believe my life is about the bigger issues in life. Which is why I choose to help severe abuse survivors, why I will volunteer abroad to help street children and I hope to volunteer in child protection and whatever else is put on my heart to do.
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I am definitely not shallow, in my character and personality.

A post to my community page, I know others would relate to.

Lives, like mine, don’t lead to an average, shallow person.

Today, I am reminded I have many areas to my character and personality, as we all do ❤

I have my deeply hurt, very serious, very emotional self.

I have my compassionate, empathic, loving, giving self.

I have my mischievous, humorous self.

I have my caring, protective, loving, mother of two children self.

I have my deeply spiritual self.

I have my inner child, who needs my parenting.

I have my teenager/adolescent side, who needs parenting.

I have my very mature, wise, life experienced, intellectual, deep thinking self.

I have a very multi-dimensional character and personality.


I have a mischievous side to me, and I think humour is healing :)

But shhhhh…don’t tell my doctor, because we have already discussed how humour about thinking anything mean towards someone, is not really okay…

I’m allowed the occasional mischievous thought…:-D

And humour is healing and that’s my excuse and I’m sticking to it!!