Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

Just realised how much I have been used in life, to stroke other people’s ego’s.

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This has been a continuing pattern in my life. People who need their ego stroked, hone in on me, as someone they see as prey, to stroke their ego’s.

It’s even happened recently. I told someone I believed in their qualities, was asked to write my experiences – to boost the person concerned publicly – so as requested I wrote out something highly praising this person, which of course – he loved.

But, then, when I challenged him, tested him, because I realised I had potentially been used, the ego couldn’t handle that.

So, it was okay when supporting him, because he gets a lot of hassle, but when I challenged him, that was not okay.

I feel really used right now.

Knowing I have been used, is not good for me.

It’s always been the way.

I feel compassion for people, and I am an empath, I get reeled in and used and then when I am no longer needed, or don’t meet their standards of ego stroking – the picture soon changes.

I am so over this.

And sadly, this is another church minister.

Big ego’s don’t like to be challenged, or told they may be wrong, or less than, in some way.

Adding on to this – I have also now realised, I still have work to do on my boundaries with people.

I am still moving too fast within any relationships/friendships I develop, because I need to work people out over time, so I don’t get hurt, by those who are looking for people to use.

Instead, I need to take things a lot slower. Not easy for me. But, more to work on.

Author: Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

I am a survivor of complex and multiple trauma and abuse, who at the age of 40, began my healing journey. I am using my journey to recovery and healing, to help others, to help survivors feel less alone, validated, encouraged and to enable others to understand themselves more. Complex trauma, particularly from severe, prolonged childhood abuse, is profoundly life changing. Complex trauma produces complex adults. The journey to recovery is a painful, often lonely, emotional daily challenge and it is my aim to encourage others in their daily battle. ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

2 thoughts on “Just realised how much I have been used in life, to stroke other people’s ego’s.

  1. Even the very people one believes is projecting themselves to be an advocate of humanity can expose their canvases in a contemptuous manner.