Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

How bizarre, that anyone would ‘thank’ their abuser, for being part of their growth.


I completely disagree, with this concept that we can ‘thank’ abusive people – for being a part of our growth.

That is condoning what they did, as okay.

Their abuse was never okay, no matter what the outcome.

I will thank ‘myself’, for using what caused me great harm, to strengthen myself, and grow and my willingness to do that.

But, I will never thank an abuser, for being an abuser.

I will never thank an abuser for the harm and suffering they made a choice to inflict.

I find it bizarre, when people make such statements.

You can just imagine the abuser reading how the victim is thanking them – and thinking ‘see – you did need/deserve it’.

Talk about abuse enabling.

I think any concept where abuse is condoned, thanked etc – is very unhealthy and about the victim trying to find a positive – that is not a healthy one at all.

You can forgive, without thanking them.

Author: Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

I am a survivor of complex and multiple trauma and abuse, who at the age of 40, began my healing journey. I am using my journey to recovery and healing, to help others, to help survivors feel less alone, validated, encouraged and to enable others to understand themselves more. Complex trauma, particularly from severe, prolonged childhood abuse, is profoundly life changing. Complex trauma produces complex adults. The journey to recovery is a painful, often lonely, emotional daily challenge and it is my aim to encourage others in their daily battle. ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

6 thoughts on “How bizarre, that anyone would ‘thank’ their abuser, for being part of their growth.

  1. I totally agree.
    If we grow from experiences, that’s great. But we need to thank ourselves for that. Gav.

  2. There is a re birth or whatever that comes with healing a deep deep hurt and it is a great feeling when you have put yourself back together and truly like yourself and you no longer pack that was never yours to pack. I hate to say it because knowing my ex he would take credit for my personal growth. He tore me apart, I was the one who put me back together. I haven’t even forgiven him let alone thank him. I don’t dwell on revenge or even hate him but forgive? thank? nope. I healed myself (with the help of people on my blog) He made sure I didn’t even have family or friends. IF he ever asked for forgiveness I might; but to thank him and feed his ego even more and give him another excuse to go abuse someone else? not on your life. I think forgiveness and all that crap is highly over rated; I think some things don’t qualify for forgiveness let alone thanks. I am getting angry just thinking about it. grrrrrr

  3. There are so many times when I read your words and these are the words that I would write myself. You have a human gift of sincere genuine expression from the heart that many cannot project but they will be silently connecting with you in the knowledge of understanding the important values of your message of empathy and concern. Comprehending how people can perceive their perpetrator/s with empathy, allows them and society to minimalize the actions of detriment and place others in a position of vulnerability creating more innocent victims.

  4. I agree with you very much. I could never bring myself to actually thank my abusers for harming me, ever. I still hold waaaay too much resentment for starters. I have a long way to go before I’ll be ready to forgive, but even then, what you are saying makes so much sense. I don’t ever want to condone abuse, ever.

  5. i think we should thank ourselves for healing, not the abuser.