Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

Poem – Staying High, Staying Numb

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Girl-drinking-11-27-12

A poem about my life in my 20’s.

Poem – Staying High

Prolonged
Pain
Suffering
Deeply carved
Into every inch
Of her heart
And soul

The blur
Partying
Fun
Thrills
Alcohol
Men
Wouldn’t
Cure it

No amount
Of suppression
Oppression
Repression
Avoidance
Minimization
Would make
It go
Away

Pain remained
Intensifying
Each moment
Of it ignored
Worsening
The damage
Carving
Deeper
And deeper
Into her soul

Not wanting
To be alone
Fear of alone
One night stands
Can’t go home
Alone again
Need someone
To numb
The pain

Staying high
Was how
She coped
Where the
Fun
Had no end
Every weekend
Her life
Of no
Self respect

Never
Learning
Self respect
How to cope
Any other way
Her maladaptive
Choices
Barely
Adaptive
At that time

Sadness
Worsening
As she limps
From each drink
To the next
Each man
To the next
Each weekend
To the next

Forced denial
Self hate
Self harm
Shame
Deep
Loneliness

Staying high
Her only hope
Of some release.

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Author: Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

I am a survivor of complex and multiple trauma and abuse, who at the age of 40, began my healing journey. I am using my journey to recovery and healing, to help others, to help survivors feel less alone, validated, encouraged and to enable others to understand themselves more. Complex trauma, particularly from severe, prolonged childhood abuse, is profoundly life changing. Complex trauma produces complex adults. The journey to recovery is a painful, often lonely, emotional daily challenge and it is my aim to encourage others in their daily battle. ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

2 thoughts on “Poem – Staying High, Staying Numb

  1. In the short time span of 3 years of helping out in the primary school I would encourage their imagination and creativity in topics of optical illusions, lateral thinking, facts and knowledge. Sport, indoor games, art and poems would enhance their development within themselves and a greater understanding of the world around them. Your poem enlightens the world to reach out to people who deserve your undivided attention in guiding them along a path to encouraging their more positive elements of self-determination.