Overwhelmed at the amount of abuse and harm I have endured.

When people comment on how much abuse I have endured in my life, it reinforces the severity of it all.

In my last blog, it was commented how the list of abusive things I have heard from all the significant people in my life, is huge. And that list was not all of it bar far. And this is all on top of all the physical, pyschological, sexual abuse, my entire childhood of abuse, all the abuse in adulthood.

I would be stupid to not have trust issues. So many abusers, so many people who have harmed me, retraumatised me with their unwise opinions and their need and sense of entitlement to spew their judgments.

Even those who claim to care, but don’t realise they actually have no insight into trauma and still feel they need to have opinions.

My doctor believes I need more people in my life. I know I don’t and definitely not church people. Even her invalidation of how severe the harm caused to me is and this constant drive to put me back out there, to get hurt some more, bothers me. It’s not intentional, she just doesn’t have the insight to know how much my life has hurt. She’s a rose coloured glasses viewer, who views church people as good, abusers as good people really. Compassion greater than wisdom. It also helps in having an comfortable life. It’s the church way.

Me, I am done with people in every way, other than helping those who have suffered and to help children in child protection.

I would rather be alone, than hurt, over and over.

I’ve been hurt enough.

 

 

How do I know what is harmful to say to complex trauma survivors? Painful experience.

Being on the end of so many intentional and unintentional harmful opinions and judgments, that have caused me so much distress and to be suicidal, I know what not to say to complex trauma survivors.

A list of what ‘never’ to say:

You must forgive your abusers or you will never heal.

You must forgive your abuser or you are a weak christian.

You are choosing to stay in the past.

You are a child of the devil if you are angry.

You have a mental illness because you are possessed by the devil.

Any form of invalidation of the severity of the trauma.

You are a drama queen, attention seeker, exaggerating.

The abuser didn’t mean to hurt you.

Mental illness does not exist.

Mental illness is just being weak.

Comparing other people’s healing journey’s.

You should feel sorry for the abuser.

You must accept the abusers apology, even though you know it is fake.

You must have done something to deserve it.

If you didn’t leave then it is your own fault.

You must keep quiet for the sake of the family, church, org.

Being abused and then blamed for abuse to others as well.

People using your PTSD as an excuse to deny the truth of their abuse.

Any suggestion as to a timespan for healing.

There are many more, but I am getting emotional writing this, due to so many triggers, because all of these I have been abused with.

So I need to stop typing now.

So many people re-traumatise and harm already traumatised survivors of abuse.

I hope this may help someone.

Sadly I will add, all these have been said to me by people I trusted, family, friends, church people, a minister, professional support. All the significant people in my life.

Is it any wonder I have trust issues.

I do realise how much courage I have. It is also considered the most needed virtue.

 

***FOR COMMU ITY PAGE VIEWERS

 

Please be aware this post is about my faith, please do not read anymore if it is likely to offend, or cause upset. I do understand and respect that 100%. I do not force my views on anyone. While i am using my husbands tablet, i don’t know how to unlink posts from my blog automatically posting on the facebook page.

 

Please do not write negative comments about this post being faith related should you make a choice to continue reading and show respect in return, thank you***

 

 

 

I have a huge amount of God given internal courage.

I have survived a lot, been independent, always worked and dealt with a considerable amount of abuse and severe trauma.

I have my weaknesses, I am sinner, but I know them and I am working on them and do not use my faith as a ticket to sin, as far too many religious people do.

I also have the capacity to stand up to abusive people, regardless of whether the harm is intentional or not, because harm is never okay and it always needs dealing with.

I have spiritual courage. I am not one of these ‘we all sin, we must not judge’, useless types.

I am not someone who says ‘well he repented’ – when there is no evidence of that and let abusive people get away with it. That’s not spiritual courage or spiritual wisdom. Thats apathy.

That’s giving yourself an easy, comfortable life, and not the life of a real Christian. It is nothing to do with grace or compassion, it is about weakness.

Most people want an easy life, regardless of whether that is wise, or helps others.

Most people lack spiritual courage, lack spiritual integrity, lack spiritual wisdom.

I see this clearly.

They say courage is the most needed of all virtues, because without it, no others can be carried out to a level that is required.

I believe that and is why so many religious people, so many church people fail miserably at being witnesses.

It takes internal courage to admit weaknesses, to admit fully when wrong, to have self insight, to have integrity to honesty, to accept the need to seek wisdom, to not be a sheep, to have real repentence etc.

It takes courage to have empathy, to put yourself in the shoes of abusers the way I have.

It takes courage to see things from the needs of an entire community of trauma survivors and not force my own views on forgiveness, empathy for abusers etc because that is wrong.

I do see the needs of others, because I am not egocentric – because selfishness and egocentricity are about being weak, not about courage and strength.

I am not willing to compromise on the wisdom I have attained in life.

I have the courage and integrity to stand by it, and not allow myself a…..nice, easy, comfortable life.

 

I cannot wait to get back on my facebook page and sort out issues occurring.

I am currently not able to log in to my facebook page, as my internet is down and I cannot remember my password.

There is someone giving limited, therefore, inappropriate advice, throwing around the ‘I am a licensed professional’ weight around, which means nothing to me. When I get back on there hopefully tomorrow this person will be gone. If she is a professional she can go set up her own page, not hijack mine.

And yes Nefertari White, I do mean you. If you are reading this, please quit hijacking my page, unlike it and stop giving bad advice.

There are also some supposed ‘forgiveness experts’ speaking unwisely too, who need to be quiet.

Forgiveness does NOT cure PTSD.

I know this from personal experience and also as a converted, real Christian.

These unwise people swoop in, when they have the opportunity.

For any community members reading this, I am not ignoring you, I am unable to comment at the moment, but I hopefully will be able to tomorrow. These wordpress blogs automatically link onto my facebook and twitter.

Please ignore any comments from others pushing limited, unwise views, until I can sort it out.

 

Anyone with any insight into complex trauma and PTSD would know NOT to force the highly emotive issue of
forgiveness, especially to sufferers on the internet, who are not known and no-one knows where they are at in their healing.

Anyone pushing forgiveness over the internet is very unwise and potentially damaging already traumatised people.

I know this, because I am insighftful and I do not wish to hurt anyone.

Which is wisdom and compassion. Something too many so called professionals do not possess.

I am thankful of the gifts I have that help others. And very aware of my weaknesses.

Had a comment today, that is one I have received countless times on my facebook community page from so many people.

“You managed to define and put into words what I am feeling. I appreciate your gift of defining a complicated set of feelings and emotions”. And this person described himself as an old man.

What a gift it is to be able to help anyone at any age in their life, to express what they often can’t

I am also aware I am better at writing than I am at speaking. I waffle and struggle with anxiety when speaking. So radio shows are not possible at the moment, but who knows. I’m not writing them off and I am so thankful to be asked. It does indeed raise my self esteem.

I have always been better at non verbal communication, writing, dancing. My verbal communication and expression about anything emotional was never allowed in my life, so that combined with anxiety are, some of my weaknesses. 

I see clearly how my doctor subtly (but still very obviously to me) manages my chatter and gets me back out the door. It doesn’t surprise me she doesn’t want to see me weekly. I know I am one of those ‘in small doses’ people, because my anxiety makes me talk too much. Even one of my junior school teachers called me by my first name followed by “chatter”. 

I’ve had anxiety all my life. Away from my childhood family and abusers, I talk too much.

And I actually hate it, now I know why.

Probably another reason why I stay away from people.

But, I am very thankful for my capacity to write, in way that I cannot express verbally. 

And that it helps others in the process.

And is a reason I need to get on with writing my book.

 

The letters after someone’s name, doesn’t impress me.

I see very clearly that education into psychology does not equal insight into complex trauma. And some honest psychologists have messaged me to thank me for my greater insight, which helps them to assist their clients in healing. Takes humility to do this, not something all educationally intelligent people are capable of.

There are great psychologists and psychiatrists, there are also very inadequately non insightful and harmful ones.

Qualifications do not maketh the quality of the mental health professional.

In fact I am aware too many are ego centred, like to mimimize the capabilities of anyone without the piece of paper they possess. Same with doctors, some are pretty poor quality.

But shallow, naive people like to view the success of a person by their qualifications.

I have a doctor who is also a counsellor. I don’ t think of her as a doctor. I think of her as a human being, who has some views I disagree with strongly, has said some hurtful things, but on the whole is wise, can help me and has. I respect her. I trust her in the limited way i am capable of. But, in no way does her title of doctor, or her middle class lifestyle, her address etc, impress me in the slightest.

I am not a shallow person impressed by anything other than the really important virtues.

And I do not consider anyones education, qualifications etc make them any better, or more capable than someone else, not when it comes to complex trauma.

 

The Narcissist’s Definition Of Success

I agree with this completely. Success to me is not about money, material things, job title, status etc. Success to me is about what is in your heart, what someone has overcome, how people help others – and not for money.
I will not be considered successful either, based on society’s shallow definition.
But, by the real definition, I am very successful.

Ladywithatruck's Blog

Webster-Meridian definition for success is as follows:

Suc·cess Pronunciation: sk-ses
Function: noun
a : degree or measure of succeeding b : satisfactory completion of something c :the gaining of wealth, respect, or fame

Successful Pronunciation səkˈsesfəl/

Function: adjective

accomplishing an aim or purpose

“a successful attack on the town”

having achieved popularity, profit, or distinction.

“a successful actor”

From the above definitions JC could consider himself to be successful.  The gaining of wealth, respect or fame. Accomplishing an aim or purpose (hooking a woman with money), having achieved popularity, profit, distinction. (in his own mind)A successful actor. (I think he read the definition and took it too literally).

My definition is different.

On my recent post about going to a reunion dinner with the people I used to work with I made this statement:

This morning I counted my dimes and quarters and thought…

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A Raffle- A Chance To Own A (Re)Creation by Carrie

Ladywithatruck's Blog

 For the most part life is good, I feel healed, I am positive about the future (or at least try to be) I enjoy my day to day life so much more than I have in years but there is one nagging problem that eats away at me. Money or the lack there of. I think my healing was delayed because of my financial situation, I doubt it was a coincidence that I did so much more healing once I moved into this cabin and out of that hell hole. I am facing having to go into another hell hole, I don’t even know where I will go with a big dog. I try to not think about it but that is rather unrealistic seeing as the place is for sale. Someone would have to practically buy the cabin for me and even if that miracle happened I still would not…

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