When people comment on how much abuse I have endured in my life, it reinforces the severity of it all.
In my last blog, it was commented how the list of abusive things I have heard from all the significant people in my life, is huge. And that list was not all of it bar far. And this is all on top of all the physical, pyschological, sexual abuse, my entire childhood of abuse, all the abuse in adulthood.
I would be stupid to not have trust issues. So many abusers, so many people who have harmed me, retraumatised me with their unwise opinions and their need and sense of entitlement to spew their judgments.
Even those who claim to care, but don’t realise they actually have no insight into trauma and still feel they need to have opinions.
My doctor believes I need more people in my life. I know I don’t and definitely not church people. Even her invalidation of how severe the harm caused to me is and this constant drive to put me back out there, to get hurt some more, bothers me. It’s not intentional, she just doesn’t have the insight to know how much my life has hurt. She’s a rose coloured glasses viewer, who views church people as good, abusers as good people really. Compassion greater than wisdom. It also helps in having an comfortable life. It’s the church way.
Me, I am done with people in every way, other than helping those who have suffered and to help children in child protection.
I would rather be alone, than hurt, over and over.
I’ve been hurt enough.