It has become very clear to me lately, that my need for someone, anyone, to understand me, is great. I’ve been seeking that, my entire life.
But, no-one will.
My life has been too complex, for anyone to understand who I am. And I can’t expect anyone to, not my husband, not my doctor, not anyone.
They can’t. They haven’t lived my life. They haven’t endured all the pain. Their understanding is limited by their own lives, their own personal life experiences, which are different to mine. No-one understands what they haven’t personally endured.
It is unfair of me, to expect anyone, to understand me, except Jesus.
But, everyone needs a person, someone to talk to, who verbally speaks backs understanding.
I will never have that, in my earthly lifetime.
It really fucking hurts, more than I can express. But, the stuff that always hurts me the most, is the stuff I need to accept and deal with, the most. No matter how painful.
It makes me feel more lonely and isolated and withdrawn and hopeless, then ever.
A lifetime of validation seeking – and I will never have it, from anyone human.
Wow. Deeply painful. More than I can express.
Numbing out happening now.