Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

Automatic need to say sorry, for anything.

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I just read about his on Facebook, and I know I do it, when really I shouldn’t.

I did it at my last counselling appointment, at the end, because she looked at the clock, and said we needed to stop, because she had her students to see.

So I automatically said ‘oh sorry’ and felt flustered.

I know why, because I feel like I don’t deserve to be there.

I know she doesn’t do a lot of counselling and has other more important things to do, and is stuck with doing mine at the moment.

And as she said ‘my students’ – it made me feel worse, because I know I am not meant to be one of ‘her’ clients.

*sigh.

Was this an over-reaction on my part? No doubt yes. Is it unreasonable? Probably.

But it is was it is and I know why I do what I do and I have some degree of self compassion.

The people I have to trust are the ones who I am always the most sensitive around.

I know it’s my issue. But trust and feeling like I don’t ‘deserve’ to be there, is a big issue, for me.

*sigh.

It has crossed my mind, that sub consciously she is trying to get rid of me. I guess I should just ask her outright, but I can’t – because I am too scared of what response to would get.

And I think my people pleasing crap, happens when I don’t think I deserve someone’s time.

I’d rather quit counselling myself, than get an answer that would hurt.

I guess the whole ‘I will push you away, before you can hurt me. Because it will hurt me less to push you away, than be abandoned’.

*sigh.

Author: Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

I am a survivor of complex and multiple trauma and abuse, who at the age of 40, began my healing journey. I am using my journey to recovery and healing, to help others, to help survivors feel less alone, validated, encouraged and to enable others to understand themselves more. Complex trauma, particularly from severe, prolonged childhood abuse, is profoundly life changing. Complex trauma produces complex adults. The journey to recovery is a painful, often lonely, emotional daily challenge and it is my aim to encourage others in their daily battle. ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

4 thoughts on “Automatic need to say sorry, for anything.

  1. “Sorry” is also a word that I repeatedly say for many things…even when I should not say it. As victims of abuse, we have said it a million times. As overcomers, it is a word that we need to stop saying. Thanks for bringing awareness to it.

  2. Pingback: “I’m so sorry!” Are Words That Victims of Abuse Say | The Abuse Expose' with Secret Angel