I read “There is a worldwide view, to have contempt for women who come across as victims.”
I would actually extend this to anyone seen to be a victim, and not acting in society’s twisted version of strong to be viewed with contempt.
When in fact, anyone who has been abused, any child that has been abused, is a victim. And continues to be if the abuse causes long term affects such as PTSD, Complex PTSD, Depression.
The word ‘victim’ has become a really ‘bad’ word and survivors of abuse feel shamed about calling themselves a victim.
It’s common to hear and read ‘stop acting like a victim’ – by very narcissistic people, who lack any level of compassion or empathy, and want to put you down, regardless of whether it hurts you deeply or not.
Many protest and say ‘I am not a victim, I am a survivor” or some other more socially acceptable term.
Victim blaming is becoming a massive epidemic, using the term ‘victim’ even more to cause shame and hate towards people abused – who are in fact ‘victims’.
I see clearly that having Complex PTSD – puts me in an involuntary situation of being a ‘victim’ over and over, with every intrusive memory, every flashback, every nightmare, all the fear induced anxiety, hypervigilance etc.
There is far too much ‘shaming’ going on in this increasingly non compassionate, narcissistic society/world we live in.
I don’t feel ashamed to say – I was a victim of severe abuse, many times and I am still ‘involuntarily’ forced to feel like the victim I was when the abuse was forced upon me, repeatedly – with every Complex PTSD symptom I endure, every single day.
Shame, for how we feel, is a massive issue and a massive barrier to healing, and society and the world, make this worse.
There is no shame, in saying ‘I am a victim of abuse’ and I am still dealing with the consequences caused to my mind, body, heart and soul.
Which was never my fault.
Adding a few comments that were posted onto my Facebook about this…
spot on, as a wise old counsellor once said to me “there is such a taboo around being a victim” This is so symptomatic of what you so rightly describe as a Narcissistic society, where no one wants to see the suffering of others no matter what form it takes, & this is actually fear based behaviour, after all the suffering of others might be contagious. This is actually very primitive & un evolved thinking. When we have to exist & work towards our healing in such a compassionless environment, it shows us very clearly that a big part of our healing is to direct a steady stream of love & compassion towards our selves.
I hadn’t considered it like that. I think it has become like this because there are indeed some narcissists out there who play at being a victim and suck in vulnerable people to manipulate. But I really appreciate your point about it. Just because the word has been abused by the actions of some, it shouldn’t mean the people entitled* to use the word avoid doing so. Interesting point indeed, Lilly.
*and I used the word “entitled” there for lack of a better one.
More responses at https://www.facebook.com/HealingFromComplexTraumaAndPTSDAndCPTSD/posts/663046117115479
