Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

My PTSD and my faith, will forever be used against me, by weak people.


What I have found is that as soon as I have different opinion to many I know, they will assume it is my ‘PTSD’ or that I am ‘unwell’ – which is crap.

I know I am intelligent and far more insightful and intelligent, empathic than many people I know.

They just like to write off my views, because they don’t understand them and because they don’t have empathy.

Another one they use is my faith. I got called ‘religious Lilly’ by a long term friend – just because I am not selfish like her and I have empathy. That’s not because I am a Christian – it’s because I am a far more honest, compassionate and caring person than she is.

People will use any excuse, to justify their weaknesses.

And I am truly over it.

People insulting my intelligence, using my PTSD and faith stage against me, when I keep quiet about their weaknesses, keep quiet about how deluded they are about themselves, how egocentric, selfish, unwise and lacking in empathy etc they are….

Many people live in the land of denial about themselves, and have no clue. But, I see it.

And they have no clue how poor their own mental health is, as a result.

But, I see it.


I just want to cry now. “Repeat sexual assault victims face greater psychological consequences”

What if I am never going to heal?

I was raped, tortured, by a psychopath, in captivity, nearly every day, for 4 years. And abused sexually by a paedophile for about 3 years.

What if all this society crap about healing and moving on, is even more wrong than believed.

What if my hope to heal, is just totally – well never going to happen.

Mood dropping fast now.


By Janice Wood Associate News Editor

Reviewed by John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on May 24, 2014

Repeated Sexual Assault Victims Face Greater Psychological Consequences

A new study shows that victims who experience repeated forms of sexual violence — including rape — experience greater levels of psychological and behavioral consequences than previously thought.

According to researchers, one in five adult women and one in 100 adult men report being raped. But that number jumps to two in five among women and one in five among men who have experienced other forms of sexual violence, such as repeated unwanted sexual contact and sexual coercion.

Researchers at the University of Missouri have determined that those victims who are repeatedly assaulted, but not necessarily violently raped, show greater levels of psycho-behavioral consequences, including lower self-esteem, higher psychological distress, and greater sexual risk-taking later in life. Continue reading


I am wise & have enough humilty to know, I am not trained to run a forum, closed group.

A post that won’t be popular with some of my likers on Facebook, or Twitter, but it’s the truth and I will always speak what I know is needed. Popular, or not…

I am often asked why I don’t have a forum, closed group?

Simple answer, even with all my research, education, insight, experience in counselling, all confirmed by mental health professionals…

I am ‘not’ professionally trained to manage one about mental health.

And I have the wisdom and humility to know, that is potentially dangerous and irresponsible of me to consider capable of managing.

I know my limits, and the boundaries needed, for other people’s safety, wellbeing and needs.

I know some may not agree, but that is my stance on this.

1 Comment

I have now come out in hives worse than ever…why? I’m okay?

Within 30 minutes of taking my Effexor this morning, which I have been taking for probably 18 months now, I came out in a huge itchy rash, all over my neck, face, shoulders, stomach. It itches like hell.

I didn’t take the other med last night, so I don’t think it’s that. When I took it the night before, I had no rash at all.

I’m not hot, I haven’t done any physical exercise, it’s cool weather, not humid, I have summer clothing on. So it’s not heat rash.

It is hives and yet I don’t understand why I have it.

I Googled Effexor side effects and it said this:

Effexor or in Detail – Patient Information: Side Effects

Get emergency medical help if you have any of these signs of an allergic reaction: skin rash or hives; difficulty breathing; swelling of your face, lips, tongue, or throat.

Great, so do go to emergency?

Phone my doctor?

Or do nothing and hope it goes away and nothing else happens?

Why? Why did this have to happen, I have been so happy since yesterday arvo.

I’m glad my husband is here to see it.

Sitting with cold wet towels on me now, trying to get rid of it.

But, there must be a reason I have this. This is not right, I know it isn’t. These hives are getting worse and worse and I’ve told my doctor and she didn’t seem concerned at all. But, why is it getting worse?

Bugger off hives, I said nothing was allowed to come and crap on my happy bubble.