Husband now off for 3 weeks & boys will be home for 2 weeks soon…

I crave and need my time alone, every day. It is vital for my capacity to cope with severe complex PTSD.

I’m not sure how I am going to manage, with my husband home now for 3 weeks and in a weeks time, my children are on school holidays for 2 weeks.

I love my family deeply – but I do not cope well around them, in large doses and need the time they are in work and school, to de-stress and do my thing and be alone.

I don’t want to have to write this, but I am always honest and this is going to ‘interesting’. My emotional numbing is great at the moment, but how long that will last around 2 busy boys, an impatient husband and no regular breaks – well…

My eldest child is booked in for camp a few days, each of the two weeks of the holidays, as he loves all the physical activities, canoeing, rock wall climbing, hut making etc. Stacks of fun for him, being a physical, social boy.

I’ve asked my husband to take them out a few times, when I need a break, which he is fine about.

But, he wants to paint 3 bedrooms while he is off. *sigh.

Nothing of human capacity, will undo, or fix the unmet childhood needs, or psychological damage, of severe childhood complex trauma.

It was deeply painful when I realised all this.
But, as painful as it is, I needed to know it.
You can’t heal, what you haven’t dug deep enough to know.

Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

Last night, was a bad night. Deep realisations, hurting like being beaten up, hurting every part of me. Depths of pain and emotions, that put me back into a fragile and dark place, that is only ever just below the surface. Dark thoughts, wanting the pain to end, fear of another 40 years, or however long I live, of being where I am now.

I nearly phoned my husband to come home, as he is on night shifts. Which is good self care and a need in my life that he is there in an emergency if I need him. Good to acknowledge now, that I can think appropriately – whilst also having highly unsafe thoughts. An inner strength and desire to survive. A hazy awareness of my children and my need to live for them and Jesus’ presence.

Today, within a whole range of emotions and exhaustion, coming to…

View original post 996 more words

If you had not suffered…

I am not ever going to be thankful for the suffering I have endured, or anyone has endured, because that is thanking evil. And I don’t do that.

But, there are gifts that come from suffering. Gifts that are seldom ever found without suffering.

I choose to use what was evil, and meant for evil…for good.

I choose to use it to help others, whilst also still healing.

I don’t do it perfectly, I will always be learning, but I do use it in my capacity, to help others who need what I write.

I am aware I have gifts, I have weaknesses, I am always learning.

Love you, Friday :)

This made me smile.

I’m not offended by course language and I like the positivity of this quote.

I like humour 🙂

😀

A Christian Lifecoach, Public Speaker, Author, with PTSD. I relate to her and her blog.

http://www.carrieotoole.com/blog/colorado-life-coach-emotionally-messy/

Thankful to find Carrie on Twitter and her blog and be able to speak of both PTSD and being a Christian.

Just been tweeting about dissociation, we both struggle with.

That is new for me.

Thank you God ❤

Are we there yet?

I wrote this exactly 12 months ago.
I’ve now given up asking ‘are we there yet’.
I accept it will take as long as it takes.
If that’s my whole lifetime, that’s okay.
❤

Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

This healing journey is hard, is takes a long time to heal a trauma history like mine, severe, multiple abuse, spread out over decades and multiple abusers.

I’ve never wanted to have to deal with my past, never been in victim mode, never used my past as an excuse.

I had to be on my knees, desperately unwell, to reach out to God to help me, because I am a stubborn cow, who couldn’t/wouldn’t reach out any other way.

And I believe that when life knocks you so far down, that you are on your knees and can’t get back up, you are in the perfect place to pray and reach out to God.

View original post 254 more words

‘It’s hard to be someone who see’s, understands and knows things, many others don’t.’

My previous counsellor, who I saw for 18 months, was very validating of my gifts, wisdom and future capabilities.
I will be eternally grateful to her, for her support and belief in me.
❤

Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

On my last counselling session, this is what my counsellor said to me.

It was a very validating response to how I feel, knowing most people around me, most people I will ever meet, won’t understand many things to the depth I do.

I am aware wisdom comes with life experiences, and compared to most people around me, I have lived 10 lifetimes worth of experiences.

Life experience and wisdom, are truly valuable things to have and I am know I am truly blessed to have these. They are gifts from my heavenly Father, as a result of my life and He knows I will use these gifts to help and serve others in need. He knows my heart.

My counsellor has told me I will make an excellent trauma counsellor and has encouraged me to consider writing books and this is something most people I know would not see…

View original post 349 more words

WIX wants money to renew domain on my Website. Any donations welcome <3

My Website at http://www.healingfromcomplextraumaandptsd.com/

Provides a lot of help to others and has a massive amount of traffic which is great.

It is free for all, but not free for me to provide. We are on a low income and I don’t have spare finances for non family related expenses.

So, any donations, no matter the amount, are deeply appreciated!

❤

It is very validating to see how many psychologists, doctors etc, value my work.

To continually be told my work is needed, insightful, ground breaking, valid, and told to keep going, it is re-assuring that what I am doing is what people need.

Wise people do question themselves and what they are doing, so when validated by professionals in the psychology field, it is helpful, as then I know I am on the right track.

It’s also re-assuring for the people I write for, to know I do have insight and they can benefit from what they read, should they want to.

This comment today, was made by a professional with a doctorate in psychology, who works with trauma clients and is a published author.