I crave and need my time alone, every day. It is vital for my capacity to cope with severe complex PTSD.
I’m not sure how I am going to manage, with my husband home now for 3 weeks and in a weeks time, my children are on school holidays for 2 weeks.
I love my family deeply – but I do not cope well around them, in large doses and need the time they are in work and school, to de-stress and do my thing and be alone.
I don’t want to have to write this, but I am always honest and this is going to ‘interesting’. My emotional numbing is great at the moment, but how long that will last around 2 busy boys, an impatient husband and no regular breaks – well…
My eldest child is booked in for camp a few days, each of the two weeks of the holidays, as he loves all the physical activities, canoeing, rock wall climbing, hut making etc. Stacks of fun for him, being a physical, social boy.
I’ve asked my husband to take them out a few times, when I need a break, which he is fine about.
But, he wants to paint 3 bedrooms while he is off. *sigh.
My husband is also an active man, who does not like sitting around. I used to be like that – constantly on full throttle, never stopped. He liked that about me. Now, he has a wife who is the opposite. But, he knows it isn’t laziness, because the first 11 years he has been with me, I was the opposite of lazy. In fact, he used to call me superwoman.
Well, superwoman I am no more, but, I have other things going on, so I have to be okay with that.
It will be interesting to see what I am writing in 3 weeks time…
I also realise, I am such a contradiction in how I feel. I crave being alone, but feel lonely. What’s up with that?? *sigh.