Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

Was I sex trafficked? By my own mother and step father?


My step father was within a circle of sexual deviant, sexually abusive friends. Paedophiles, rapists, Catholic paedophile priest who went to prison, a sadistic psychopath who went to prison. At least 3 of his friends, abused his children. There could be more that occurred. My mother knew all this too.

One of these ‘friends’ was the sadistic psychopath that groomed me over a period of years. I was asked by my mother and step father, if I wanted to go and work with this ‘man’, in his business and spent a lot of time with him. He knew I had been abused by a paedophile friend of my step fathers (who my step father continued talking to after it was known that myself and my sister had been abused).

This psychopath spent a lot of time at our house, He was married, with children, but spent more time at our place than his own. He and my step father were ‘shooting’ buddies, and they loved guns. I was encouraged to go with them to the gun range. I spent a lot of time in the company of this psychopath. I talked to him, when we were alone about things troubling me at home.

Just after I turned 16, I was asked if I wanted to go to another city with this man on a trip, which was 2 hours away. This psychopath was 25 years older than me. I had by then, told him all my secrets about the abuse when I was a child, how I didn’t like my step father and this psychopath acted like he was so concerned about me and cared about me so much. I confided in him about a lot.

So, my mother and step father encouraged me to go to another city for the day. Why would any normal parents allow that? When we got there, he drove straight to a hotel, where he had booked a room. We had lunch, I was given wine and we had sex for the first time. It had all been pre-planned.

This makes me feel nauseous writing this.

I thought he loved me. He told me he did and that I was special and beautiful and he wanted to ‘look after me’. I was an abused, neglected, hurt girl, and I believed him.

I hate that my first sexual experience was with a paedophile and my first full sexual encounter was with a sadistic psychopath – who would go on to lure me out of my home, and abuse me severely in every possible way, in captivity until I was 20.

It is incredibly sick stuff and I have nightmares about all this frequently.

But, I still have this question in my mind as to why my mother and step father would encourage me, just after my 16th Birthday, to go away for the day, with this man?

My husband thinks the psychopath paid my step father, to have ‘access’ to me for the day. My step father had financial problems and this psychopath had money. This could be true and it is possible, considering my step fathers sick mind and all his sick friends.

If this did occur, does this mean I was sex trafficked by my own parents?

When I got back from this ‘day away’, they didn’t even ask me what we had done. My mother was more interested in the presents the psychopath brought back for her and my step father seemed happy and I remember them speaking quietly in the hall, about something.

No mother or father allows their teenager daughter to go away for the day, with a middle aged male friend of the family. Alone, just the two of them.

Was this the same for the abuse I endured from the paedophile too? Was this also ‘allowed’ by my ‘parents’. Their reaction to me telling them, being angry at me etc, was certainly far from the reaction of normal parents, who have just found out two of their children have been abused. Being told to ‘never’ phone the child abuse hotline that had just been set up nationally.

It’s all really sick stuff and I’m numb now just finishing typing this.

In the first 20 years of my life, I really was living in the garden of evil.

Definition of sex trafficking/exploitation


A section from ^ link..

The commercial aspect of the sexual exploitation is critical to separating the crime of trafficking from sexual assault, molestation or rape. The term “commercial sex act” is defined by the federal Trafficking Victims Protection Act as the giving or receiving of anything of value (money, drugs, shelter, food, clothes, etc.) to any person in exchange for a sex act.

Author: Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

I am a survivor of complex and multiple trauma and abuse, who at the age of 40, began my healing journey. I am using my journey to recovery and healing, to help others, to help survivors feel less alone, validated, encouraged and to enable others to understand themselves more. Complex trauma, particularly from severe, prolonged childhood abuse, is profoundly life changing. Complex trauma produces complex adults. The journey to recovery is a painful, often lonely, emotional daily challenge and it is my aim to encourage others in their daily battle. ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

8 thoughts on “Was I sex trafficked? By my own mother and step father?

  1. I am so sorry that this happened to you. No parent should do this to their child.

  2. I am so sorry… gentle hugs if you would like one…

  3. I am so sorry for your pain and trauma. Thank you for sharing your story as I hope it helps to bring healing to you. I wish I had greater words to encourage you. It is my hope your early years will not define the rest of your life and that your pain can become a source of comfort and refuge to others you may encounter along the way who feel they have no voice.

  4. My heart goes to you and I can only praise your strength and bravery to be able to tell your story the way you just did. You are an amazing person.

  5. what a shocking story, and what courage it must have taken to share it. I think speaking our own truths this way helps to heal both ourselves and others, something that those with an empty hole where their soul should be will never understand. safe hugs.

  6. Thank you everyone who has commented with such kind words.

    I truly appreciate it and value your comments ❤

  7. The why’s, how’s, the ‘huh?’ factors, they do make it all more difficult to heal, don’t they? I’m so sorry, walk gently.

  8. I’m sure my mother has walked your road, dear one. I wish I could help both of you heal.