Poem – “Contradiction”

Poem – “Contradiction” ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

Within her layered
Complex mind
Of this odd
Complex woman

This quirky, kooky
Strange
Weird
Unusual girl

Lies deep
Contradictions
Hard to
Decipher, fathom

Life wisdom deep
Exposed, endured
10 lifetimes
Of painful experiences

Equipping her
Deeply knowing
Behind those
Sad brown eyes

I’ve always been an introvert, trying to be an extrovert, due to deep loneliness.

I’ve only recently worked out that I have always been an introvert, trying to be an extrovert, due to being deeply lonely.

I’ve always talked too much, due to anxiety. I partied to numb the pain. I lived life on full throttle, to avoid the pain. I did a lot that was due to numbing the pain and loneliness within me.

Now, I am what I am. I am happiest at home, writing, working, helping others, pursuing my calling, my passion, seeking wisdom, healing.

I trust very few and open up to even fewer.

If I make time for you in my life, I really care about you.

I don’t need many people.

But they need to be genuine, interesting, empathic, honest. If they aren’t, I will not get close to them anymore.

Maybe the more difficult the path, the higher the calling.

I don’t consider ‘higher’ being ‘better’.

But there are those who definitely add more to this world’s great needs, than others. There are too many egocentric, selfish people in the world, who contribute little, for a variety of reasons.

I look to those who inspire me, who have the courage and integrity to do what’s right, speak the truth, who don’t choose a comfortable life, to keep life easy.

People with real courage, integrity, wisdom and compassion – they are who I choose to look to, to gain wisdom from.

My healing journey is dramatic, painful, lengthy.

My healing journey is dramatic, painful, lengthy…..because my past severe, multiple trauma history of decades of abuse….is dramatic, painful, lengthy.

Many people assume a healing journey should take a certain amount of time. They are wrong. This is just judgment and lack of insight.

A severe, multiple abuse/trauma history takes time to process and heal. And however, long it takes, is okay.

Processing everything, can take time, because the survivor needs to process everything at a certain pace, to cope with the pain of the reality of what has occurred to them.

This isn’t wrong. This is wise, needed. Because otherwise the pain can be so overwhelming, the person does not survive.

I guess this makes me a hero then.

Anyone who survives prolonged abuse, and comes through it, and comes out with heart, empathy, compassion, honesty, self insight, and a drive to help others in need…..is a hero.

Here’s to all the hero’s and there are many.

❤