Having always driven hard to be an extrovert, being someone who has always talked too much, I always assumed I was an extrovert, but still struggled with anxiety and actually hated everyone looking at me, hated public speaking, don’t even do well in groups talking.
Interestingly, the only thing I have ever been okay with being an extrovert about, is dancing. And that doesn’t involve speaking.
I like one-on-one talking. I get overwhelmed with several people. I struggle to take everything in as I process everything so deeply. Processing at the depth I do and being so vigilant, means I have to concentrate really hard and it’s impossible to watch closely when there are several people.
I’ve always observed closely, taken everything in, even when talking myself. It’s exhausting.
I pick up on so much about people, that others won’t. Partly my hyper vigilance, but also because I am an avid observer of life.
I like talking about important, meaningful things. I don’t really like small talk, although I do participate in it, with people I have little in common with.
I do like humour and I have a sense of humour, which can be quite child-like at times, which I am aware is my inner child, needing to be heard and have joy. And that’s okay, in a safe context/situation.
I like and crave my own company now. I love writing, listening to music, singing, thinking, researching, day dreaming, dancing, helping others without the need to actually speak. Continue reading