It will take me time to fully process, that I am actually an introvert.

Having always driven hard to be an extrovert, being someone who has always talked too much, I always assumed I was an extrovert, but still struggled with anxiety and actually hated everyone looking at me, hated public speaking, don’t even do well in groups talking.

Interestingly, the only thing I have ever been okay with being an extrovert about, is dancing. And that doesn’t involve speaking.

I like one-on-one talking. I get overwhelmed with several people. I struggle to take everything in as I process everything so deeply. Processing at the depth I do and being so vigilant, means I have to concentrate really hard and it’s impossible to watch closely when there are several people.

I’ve always observed closely, taken everything in, even when talking myself. It’s exhausting.

I pick up on so much about people, that others won’t. Partly my hyper vigilance, but also because I am an avid observer of life.

I like talking about important, meaningful things. I don’t really like small talk, although I do participate in it, with people I have little in common with.

I do like humour and I have a sense of humour, which can be quite child-like at times, which I am aware is my inner child, needing to be heard and have joy. And that’s okay, in a safe context/situation.

I like and crave my own company now. I love writing, listening to music, singing, thinking, researching, day dreaming, dancing, helping others without the need to actually speak.

First time I have felt ‘safe’ to actually talk in counselling.

Today’s counselling was different to normal.

I actually felt able to speak about the ‘worst stuff’ without dissociating and I was able to control my emotions.

That is huge for me.

Lots of reasons, mostly about my counsellor/doctor showing me what I needed to see/hear to be able to have the level of trust needed.

I’m still processing this, as I always process everything deeply, and it takes time.

Lots of validating, honest, open dialogue spoken both ways.

Things that surprised me, which showed a side of her that I didn’t know about.

It felt ‘safe’ to talk.

That is huge.

To feel safe to be vulnerable, well that is new territory for me.

Wise advice – The Starfish Story

I work on the assumption that the majority of people ignore wisdom/truth and want to believe what they want to believe. That’s human weakness/ego/sin for you.

But for every 99 people that ignore something truthful/wise….there will be 1 that considers it.

That 1 person, is always worth the effort.

The 99 who don’t/won’t/can’t listen, laying stranded on the beach….they are not my concern, they are their own concern.

There always needs to be hope.