Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

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I used to be a people person, but people ruined that for me.

I love humanity, but I don’t love society – that is another quote that resonates with me.

I care deeply about humanity, I hate sin and abuse, poverty and suffering.

I don’t want anyone to suffer. Not even the people who cause the suffering.

But, sadly my life has shown me way too often, that people can and will hurt you. And no, this is not my fault, because it was always their choice to make – to either abuse – or not abuse, to either hurt – or not hurt. Their choices to do wrong, cause harm, were not about anything I did, or didn’t do.

I refuse to allow victims blaming and I take full ownership of all I have done wrong in my life. I am committed to become a better person and not do wrong, not sin and I want to grow and develop. I listen to wise advice and I will change where I need to. Continue reading

Many people don’t realise what respect actually means.


Posted by Michael Thomas June 7, 2014

Respect is a complex issue, and lies at the heart of every movement for equality or against abuse. The primary struggle against racism, misogyny, and genocide are all directly related to the limited number of people who have taken the time to understand respect worldwide. Without respect, real love is not possible, and neither is a healthy culture or society.

I started my research and reflection for this text intent to write a female equivalent of my “10 things every guy should know,” which itself touches on some “feminist” topics (and I encourage anyone who likes this text to read it) . In my attempts to reach out to feminists and sociologists in my broader circle and at my university, I was essentially universally advised not to write it and the many of my requests for input were actually ignored or not answered whatsoever. The differing levels of respect I received from feminists when reaching out to write a text clearing up misconceptions about identity, gender roles, self-worth, and respect, led me to realize that respect is actually at the core of every issue I was seeking to cover.

So, I decided to compile my thoughts into a few (7) overarching points. This list is, of course, by no means exhaustive.

1. Respect means treating people as individuals

This is a really simple concept: accept that a person is a mix of what they have experienced (including where they come from), how they see/choose to see things, and where they want to go. We do not get to choose what we have been through or experienced, and we cannot define people solely through their past as much as we can define them solely through their ethnicity, looks, or gender.

Understanding people are individuals forces you to understand their actions as an expression of who they are (which, admittedly, is partially a product of social identity), and allows you to hold them (and not some group) responsible for it. Respecting people on an individual basis also allows you to better understand their behavior, and show deeper empathy.

2. Showing respect doesn’t always mean being nice

Respect excludes actions or expressions which seek solely to damage, but they in no way exclude criticism or critical thinking. Saying no to someone is almost certainly not going to please them, but respect for yourself and the other’s understanding of the world makes expressing and explaining your actual position more meaningful and respectful. This also means not punishing people for honesty, no matter what that honesty is.

Of course, timing and context are important, and must be considered in regard to honesty. There is a time and a place for every discussion, and many things are best discussed in a tighter circle (to allow the criticism to be accepted and not defended against in an effort to defend reputation). Avoiding answering a question is a right someone always has, and as a receiver of such an answer you should understand it is in fact more respectful than a lie.

That said, there is nothing respectful about tolerating another treating others with disrespect (denying their humanity, their value, and their potential): you set a positive precedent when you stand up in such instances. This will not immediately gain you respect, but an unwavering respect for life will gain you more respect long term than any financial accomplishments.
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