I love humanity, but I don’t love society – that is another quote that resonates with me.
I care deeply about humanity, I hate sin and abuse, poverty and suffering.
I don’t want anyone to suffer. Not even the people who cause the suffering.
But, sadly my life has shown me way too often, that people can and will hurt you. And no, this is not my fault, because it was always their choice to make – to either abuse – or not abuse, to either hurt – or not hurt. Their choices to do wrong, cause harm, were not about anything I did, or didn’t do.
I refuse to allow victims blaming and I take full ownership of all I have done wrong in my life. I am committed to become a better person and not do wrong, not sin and I want to grow and develop. I listen to wise advice and I will change where I need to.
But, I have had so many people hurt me, abuse me, lie to me, lie about me.
I would be a fool to assume this won’t happen anymore. People tend to be inherently sinful, selfish behaviour.
I read how compared to decades ago, people are meant to reach a certain level of maturity by 30 years old – are now mostly not reaching that, until aged 50. Society is become more and more immature. Which fits with all the increasing narcissism, selfishness and egocentricity – basically an adolescent emotional EQ state – far more, throughout adulthood.
I am aware due to all my personal experiences in life and all my knowledge of psychology etc, of how introverted I have become now. I get hives when I go out of my home, when I leave my safe place.
I prefer to communicate via social media – it’s easier.
I do need contact with people and I am content with that being only a few people, who I can have a degree of trust in. I don’t want or need many people in my life anymore.
I don’t want to become a recluse, as I know that isn’t healthy, but I don’t need lots of people in my life to make me feel okay and I don’t want lots of people in my life.
But, I am not egocentric either, because I care deeply about humanity. I care and do what I can every day, to help others, to raise awareness, to highlight what isn’t healthy in society.
I don’t like a lot of what I see occurring in society, all the harm, all the unhealthy behaviours, all the abuse, all the crime, all the bullying, all the entitled behaviours.
I am definitely not a people person, or a people pleaser anymore. Although I deeply care about people. I just care from a safe distance. While I heal, while I recover from decades of abuse caused by many ‘people’.
I sadly, have seen the sinful, destructive, evil sides of human behaviour and I know all too well the damage and hurt it causes and I know I am at capacity. I cannot handle any more, at all.
I am aware it may not stay this way, but for now, I am okay with where I am at.