Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.


Being empathic, having life wisdom, feels like both a blessing and a curse.

Unless I cut myself off from society completely, which I can’t, I am always going to see and know the bigger of picture of all the sin, suffering and unhealthy stuff that goes on.

It overwhelms me.

I can feel deep depression setting in and it has been worsening over the last few days.

I can’t switch it off, just to make my life better, easier. I don’t have that capacity.

I genuinely want better for humanity, than all I see.

I know how much suffering, hurt and harm is going on and I can’t ignore that.

Being empathic, having life wisdom, not being egocentric, feels like a blessing and a curse.


Backed up Hetty Johnson, and got told by an abusive person ‘piss of you condescending cunt’.

Hetty Johnson, who I admire and does vital work in child protection, made a comment on Twitter that was misinterpreted by someone. I also noticed she gets criticised for her work, which is typical of many in society who like to put down those who step up and do good.

So, I politely explained this person misinterpreted what Hetty had stated and got told to ‘piss off you condescending cunt’. And then this person deleted the comment, but I had already reported it.

He also says calls himself ‘Mr Wonderful’ and is abusive in other posts. Clearly narcissistic – delusions of grandeur, explosive, abusive, nasty, weak.

It had made me aware that many people will criticise others, who do good. People seem to hate those who act with courage and integrity and will find anything they can to put them down, minimize the good they do.

I realise by being on social media, I am open to being abused. But, I don’t intend to allow these abusive people to put me off.

Courage, strength, integrity….things you would think people would support.

But, often people with these qualities, get attacked.

I love humanity, but I do not like or respect general society.

I truly can’t stand so much of what society focusses on and all the immaturity levels I see everywhere, the selfishness, the apathy etc, just depresses me.

I see attitudes, like saying Rolf Harris is really innocent because he seems ‘too nice’ and it angers me. Because the victims of abuse go through so much and then get abused further.

People saying abuse victims who seek legal action and want justice, are ‘vindictive’ – angers me too.

The Rolf Harris case has brought out all the people who have no clue, no insight, no empathy, no wisdom, to make comments which further emotionally abuses abuse survivors.

I know how much invalidation, being called a liar, being doubted causes and I just want to tell all these people who make it so much harder for abuse victims/survivors to SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!!

And I am allowed to be angry.

Society loves victim blaming, minimizing, having pathetic opinions, and I just hate it all. Continue reading

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I still feel unsafe, if my bedroom door is not completely closed…

Due to my chronic insomnia issues, my nightmares and my husbands shift work, we don’t sleep in the same bed and haven’t done for a few years now. I don’t like keeping him awake and he doesn’t cope well with being tired.

When I was a child, I always wanted to sleep with my door completely closed. Not left open ajar. I also used to hang a jangly thing on the end of the door handle, so that if the door opened while I was sleeping, the jangly thing would fall off and wake me up.

I am still unsure as to the full reason for this. Obviously there is fear, lack of safety etc and as a child, I should not have had to feel this way. For a child not feel safe all day and at night, is truly terrible.

Even now, as I sleep alone, I still prefer to have my door completely shut. I don’t feel safe with my door left open/ajar at night. And I know how irrational this sounds, but I also know why and this is related to my childhood.

When my husband is working night shift, I do keep my bedroom door open so I can hear my children if they wake up and also so if there was ever a problem in the night – fire etc – I will wake up.

But, I don’t like having my door open.