Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.


A few reasons why too many N. P. Baptist Church men, are children, in adult bodies…

During the time myself and my family attended this unhealthy church, many things occurred that made me feel like I was ‘in school’, dealing with teenagers.

Two things I noted, which were big childish activities, the ‘inner crowd’ were heavily into;

1) Super hero’s. Many of the men were obsessed with them and facebook messages would go around often – super hero related. Immature. Much.

2) They hold men only ‘video gaming’ nights. Not for the teenagers, for the ‘men’. Grown men, in their 30’s, 40’s. In the church. For men to get together and have fun. Immature. Much. My husband went once and was very uncomfortable, as he is actually a ‘man’, not a man-child.

This is also a church that believes women need to ‘know their place’. There are no women ‘allowed’ to be involved in church business. No women elders/deacons. The associate pastors wife, deliberately makes women feel guilty for working outside of the home. (Clearly hasn’t read Proverbs 31). Made me feel guilty for providing child care ‘in’ my home. To inflate her own ego and sense of importance. Highly judgmental. Bullying.

Guilt/shame inflicting and bullying, being a big driving force within this church.

This church also believes in harsh physical abuse to children. They claim it is ‘discipline’. An elders wife herself telling me her husband uses a belt on his teenage children. The associate pastor and his wife, displaying physical abuse in front of me and encouraging it in others, continually. Smacking babies, children, forcing little children/toddlers into daily ‘alone time’, letting babies cry and scream themselves to sleep etc – all forms of abuse, are encouraged and people are considered to be ‘bad parents’ if they do not do the same.

And the associate pastor spiritually abused me, with grooming with sexual intent. All covered up, lied about and a pathetic in-house investigation I have proof (and support about), was used to further abuse me. The senior pastor condoning and enabling all this to protect his ‘mate’.

All these behaviours and attitudes are forms of narcissism and sociopathic traits. Continue reading

I feel trapped in a society, I do not want to live within, where I do not belong.

I live in a very selfish, materialistic, shallow, greedy, unwise society. Immaturity amongst adults is rife. And there are so many excuses and justifications and apathy….the list is endless.

It is such a validation of my awareness of how immature society is, that the Big Bang Theory is the No 1 watched TV program. Closely followed by reality TV programs. *sigh.

Society here believes the only ‘exercise’ you need to do, is physical. They believe ‘health & wellbeing’ is about diet and physical exercise only *sigh.

So few know that compassion, empathy, giving, sharing, charity etc needs to be ‘exercised’.

So few believe they need to seek wisdom. They are like teenagers, who think they know it all.

Many never develop emotionally, past the stage of adolescence and I see that so clearly. Which is why apathy, egocentricity, selfishness, narcissism, is all encouraged, enabled and so few have any insight into this.

I don’t belong here and I have always known that. I’ve always known I want to do volunteering work.

I would like to move to a third world country and help there, every day.

I want to help those who suffer, more than any suffering I have known.

My empathy and compassion levels, are such that I could and would give up my comforts here, to help those who have no comforts in life.

I know there are reasons I am here. I am thankful my children are gaining an education and I am healing and I know I need what I have here at the moment.

But, I do not belong here, as a society.

I hate feeling trapped. Not a good feeling for me.

The trapped feeling, is about the PTSD stuff, I know that.

But the understanding I have about society, humanity, isn’t.