Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.


The lack of empathy in people, just never ceases to bother me.


Empathy is rare, I know that. Most people only have sympathy, but think that is empathy.

I can tell who has empathy and who doesn’t and why.

Saw a post about mothers on Christmas Island trying to end their lives, to give their children a better chance at life.

Now regardless of the politics, this made me want to cry. Just thinking about how these mothers are feeling, to be considering suicide to help their children, makes me very emotional.

And yet so many do not have empathy and I have just forced myself to get off a page where this is all being debated and the lack of empathy astounds me. The selfishness, the ‘making up’ facts to better their argument, then ignoring the real facts I provided. Continue reading

Weak, pathetic people, contining to be weak, pathetic people…

My husband saw someone from the unhealthy, abusive Baptist Church, today at the shopping centre.

As per virtually every single one, (bar one lady), they are all so weak, and this person turned and ran away. Unable to be mature adults, and act with decency and just walk on by, or acknowledge us, like human beings.

Why? If they were all so secure in who they are, and were real Christian people, they would not act the way they do. They would act with grace, and compassion and be kind. Not run away.

They know what they have all done is wrong, how they have treated someone who was abused by their associate pastor. No doubt they have been fed lies, but any mature, decent person would know, what went on, was very wrong and that myself and my family were the victims and were hurt very badly.

But, these weak, narcissistic people, aren’t capable of that. No wonder several people have spoken of them being a cult.

They run away like children. Scared to see us and possibly have to speak to us. Continue reading

Ian McFadyen – Channel 4 Interview.


I listened to this and tears flowed. For him, for me, and all survivors.

It is so validating to hear the voice of the words of someone who really knows what prolonged abuse is, who says what you feel and how it affects you long term.

‘It is a lifelong sentence, it never leaves us’. To hear him talk about the risk taking, the lifestyle choices to avoid and numb the pain, to escape, the drinking etc, I relate to. Deeply.

But, to hear the courage and hope Ian has too, is just so inspiring.


We all have different parts to our personality, even my doctor. Mine are quite extreme.

I have different parts of my personality, formed through having an unusual life to most around me.

I am honest and upfront, that I have these different parts of me.

I don’t have Dissociative Identity Disorder, because they are not different identities/alters, they are all parts of who I am all the time.

I have my 43 year old self, the wife to my husband, the mother to my children.

I have the 90 year old me, or could even be 1000 year old me, because it has been validated that I have lived 10 lifetimes compared to most around me, and as such as given me 10 lifetimes of life wisdom, with so much courage, strength, a survivor of more than anyone should ever see or feel.

Continue reading


Society is so fake, non genuine, shallow and I see it all.

Society is so fake, shallow and unreal.

Emotions are considered to be a sign of weakness. Which is wrong, it is sign of strength.

So much is manufactured; food, music, people’s images, what people allow others to see – this fake image people want to show others.

Being real and raw, is rare.

I was told this in counselling. It is rare for people to allow their real selves out. Most people need to conform to what society says is okay.

I relate to people who are real. Who know their strengths and weaknesses.

I only relate to people who are willing to show me who they are really are and be genuine and real/honest about themselves. So I don’t have many people in my life. Which is okay, because I don’t need fake, non genuine people, who think they are so intelligent and aren’t. Who think they have an opinion, which is actually wrong, lacks empathy, lacks wisdom. Continue reading


Clever way to disguise anxiety on stage – Sia on Letterman

Having realised Sia had a ‘story’ and absolutely loving and relating to so much of what she writes and sings, I found out she has anxiety and PTSD too.

She doesn’t perform on stage very often anymore and when she does, she faces away from the crowd and I get why.

I would have to doped up to my eye balls on anxiety meds to get me on stage, doing anything.

I love how she cleverly used doing sigh language as a way of having something to do with her hands while performing on Letterman, in 2008. Continue reading