I don’t have this capacity to switch off my conscience, my empathy, my sense of needing to deal with things fully, when other people are being harmed.
I know most other people do, and it’s selfish, apathy and self serving.
Some people will wrap it up with pretty bow, and call it boundaries, or compassion, or grace. Which is bullshit. And very dishonest of people to suggest so.
But, maybe for my own healing, considering all I have been through, maybe I need to develop this self serving crap. To survive in this pathetically weak society I have to exist in.
Maybe I should think “I don’t care if a narcissistic, lying, manipulative, self serving, abusive man is a pastor at a church. I don’t care. I’m outta there. They can all deal with it and get lied to etc. Their problem. I’m okay, I’m safe from it all, who gives a shit if many others are being deceived…..not my problem is it”.
Maybe I should not care that abuse is increasing, and so many people are suffering and most of society doesn’t give a shit.
Maybe I shouldn’t care that millions are affected badly, but this pathetic society view, that physical health – even if self inflicted, is still a priority over mental health – which hasn’t been self inflicted. Continue reading