It only takes something someone says, something on the TV etc, and the realisation of this, comes flooding into my mind and my heart.
Is really hard to deal with. I have loved many abusive people. Really loved them. Would have done anything for them. Did do anything for some of them.
I’ve been badly hurt by them. Abused by them. Betrayed by them. Lied to and about, by them.
None of them ever loved me. At all. It’s always so hard to type that. It’s like if I type it, it truly is a reality. And I know it is. Truth, reality, honesty, I can’t deny, or avoid, or suppress, or view in any more palatable way.
I can’t fool myself with ‘oh they did love me in their own way, however they were capable’.
Because love never hurts people the way they have.